Cupcake Posted February 17, 2006 Posted February 17, 2006 Several weeks ago I posted about being abaondoned in my LDR. Well, it's been two months and I've decided that I need closure. I called him before at work and he rushed me off he phone saying that he was too busy and he would call me later. He didn't call until a week later. He left a message. That was a month ago. I called him at work this morning. I aksed straight out if he wanted to talk to me. He said, "Yes but this isn't a good time because I'm in the middle of something at work. I'll call you later. What is your phone number?" OMGWTF. We had an LDR for 7 months. He used to call me every night. I went to see him before Christmas and spent a week with him. When I came back, he called me every day and night telling me how much he missed me. Our last conversation ended with him singing a sappy love song about me that he made up. Then suddenly stopped calling two days before Christmas. And I haven't talked to him since. How could he not have my phone number anymore? When I ask him for closure, why won't he give it to me? Just a simple goodbye will do. How could anyone do this to another person?
Author Cupcake Posted February 17, 2006 Author Posted February 17, 2006 I sent him an email after he rushed me off the phone today. It said: "I'm sending this email because I know you aren't going to call me, because you've forgotten me, but I just need to hear you say it. I won't ever bother you again if you say so. I need to hear you say that our friendship is over. You don't have to explain anything. Just say "Goodbye" and I'll understand. I just need closure because I like you more than I think I should. I miss you. Please don't ignore me." Right after I posted this messege, I checked my email. There was short message from him saying: "I will call you but not today. I am sunk with work and other things." That's it! No emotion. No feeling. Not even Goodbye! I thought I was giving him an easy way out with the email. Still, all he does is promise to call me the same as he has been doing for the past two months. How can a person be soooo busy that they can't even pick up a phone and call to say hello?
CaliGuy Posted February 17, 2006 Posted February 17, 2006 If you want my opinion, he's probably dating someone else.
Dinnj1 Posted February 17, 2006 Posted February 17, 2006 he's probably dating someone else. ugh... but most likely true. sorry. "I'm sending this email because I know you aren't going to call me, because you've forgotten me, but I just need to hear you say it. I won't ever bother you again if you say so. I need to hear you say that our friendship is over. You don't have to explain anything. Just say "Goodbye" and I'll understand. I just need closure because I like you more than I think I should. I miss you. Please don't ignore me." this is how I translate your email... "I'm sending this email because I know you aren't going to call me, "Please please call me." because you've forgotten me,"Please feel bad for me." but I just need to hear you say it. "IMO, no you don't... actions speak louder then words." I won't ever bother you again if you say so. "Even you don't believe that..." I need to hear you say that our friendship is over. "IMO, when you care about someone, you ALWAYS make time for them..." You don't have to explain anything. Just say "Goodbye" and I'll understand. "Will you?" I just need closure because I like you more than I think I should. I miss you. "Reaching for strings..." Please don't ignore me." "NEVER beg..." this may have seemed pretty harsh, BUT, for your own good. He's ignoring you.. .blowing you off... NOT DESERVED. Don't question things... focus your energy more on the fact that he ISN'T acting like the friend/relationship you thought he was. Never ask for an explanation or a goodbye... cause it's really not what you're looking for... you know that. Acknowledge the fact that he is NOT treating you with the same respect you'd give him. It's hard, I know... been there. Focus on his actions now, and not how nice he was months ago.
Ruff Ryder Posted February 17, 2006 Posted February 17, 2006 If you want my opinion, he's probably dating someone else. Agreed. His actions are that of a person whom is involved with someone else. Pack up and move on. Clouser is only needed by those who cant let go. Some times somethings are easer to forget than to understand. Good luck.
Author Cupcake Posted February 18, 2006 Author Posted February 18, 2006 Agreed. His actions are that of a person whom is involved with someone else. Pack up and move on. Clouser is only needed by those who cant let go. Some times somethings are easer to forget than to understand. Good luck. I realize all these things. But I am having a very difficult time letting go. The reason is that when we were speaking every day, we had a few converstaions where I promised never to abandon him. He had been abandoned by a previous girlfriend. We seriously talked about the way things would roll if one of us decided we wanted to end the relationship. We said we would talk about it. Why does he keep saying he will call, when he knows he won't call? Nothing happend, as far as I know, to end things. I'm afraid to let go because we haven't discussed it. I don't want to make a mistake by being impatient and assuming things. I know my email was vulnerable. I made it that way on purpose because sometimes, I have a tendency to be too confident and bold. I wanted to humble myself in order to make sure that I haven't driven him away. If he truly wanted to get rid of me, he could have ignored my email (despite the fact that I said, "please don't ignore me") He could have also said, goodbye. I want to get past this. It's just soo hard becasue I don't know what is going on with him all of a sudden.
Devildog Posted February 18, 2006 Posted February 18, 2006 Most people don't like to directly hurt other people. They don't want to come right out and say "I'm just not that interested". So they play little games like this in the hopes that you will take the hint and move on. Is this dishonest? Yeah. But be honest with yourself here, how is the end of this relationship going to be easier? Him saying he isn't interested and you questioning everything about yourself, trying to figure out what is wrong with you or what you did wrong? (Which could be nothing at all) Or is it easier to move on when you tell yourself the guy is a jerk and you leave because you are pissed at him?
Author Cupcake Posted February 18, 2006 Author Posted February 18, 2006 It would be easier if he said, "Hey, I changed my mind about us." This way, I could be sure that I've interpreted his actions correctly. I assumed that he was playing games to prevent hurting me by telling me the truth. That is why I sent the email encouraging him that I can handle the truth. This dishonesty is hurting me more than anything else. I've moved on from many painful relationships in the past. And I never look back. I am afraid to move on this time because we haven't given the relationship a chance. This is the first major problem we've had. I know if I let go now, I won't turn back. I will never see or hear from him again. And I will always wonder what could have been, if I had tried a little harder, and not given up. Some people say, anything worth having is worth working hard and waiting for. I'm really trying to be strong.
Love2share Posted February 18, 2006 Posted February 18, 2006 Some people say, anything worth having is worth working hard and waiting for. I'm really trying to be strong. I am having a difficult time responding to your post. One moment, I'd like to shake some sense into you. The next moment, I want to embrace you and tell you everything will be okay. From your perspective, you haven't done anything to make him leave you. So I understand why you have so many unanswered questions. You are trying to resolve the problem and being patient like a normal loving person would do. But what is he doing? He's not even giving you an explaination. For all you know, he could be married, or planning a wedding. You're trying to have someone who isn't trying to have you. Sweetheart, he isn't worth it. You don't even have a reason to wait; therefore, you shouldn't. In the short time you've know this guy, you could be infatuated with him. And all the kind stuff he did in the begining was just a show. Everyone puts their best foot forward in the begining. But in due time, the true colors show. Right now, he's showing you his true colors. Actions really do speak louder than words. He tells you he will call, but he doesn't call. He's a liar. He say's he's too busy to call, but he always made time before. What's different now? The difference is, he doesn't want to! Move on!
Author Cupcake Posted February 18, 2006 Author Posted February 18, 2006 I just keep crying and crying. I'm thinking about all the guys I've ever dated and all the pain is just piling upon me at once. Why can't a man just love me? Will I ever know what it's like to have a man who loves me so much that no other woman can take him away from me? I just have all these issues today. This is soo hard. I don't know what to do. Nobody has called to see how I'm doing. I called three of my friends and they were all busy. I'm so sad.
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