typical Posted February 17, 2006 Posted February 17, 2006 The “Transitional” Phase A theory by Typical So, he has been withdrawing from you emotionally and sexually and you are confused. You have no idea what has changed from a month ago, a year ago, 2 years ago. You are feeling like he doesn’t find you attractive anymore, that he is not into you sexually. You become concerned and you approach him on this subject. He tells you nothing is wrong. Impossible! You say to yourself. Why has he then been avoiding you sexually and doesn’t seem interested? He MUST have lost interest, is bored, found someone new, because there is NO WAY he could still be into you given his lack of response. Could it be that maybe he is in a “transitional” phase with you? Meaning that mentally, he is moving forward with the relationship? That he is thinking that you are “the one” and he is adjusting himself accordingly? That he is planning a life that includes you, and is adjusting from the infatuation phase to the love phase to the “you’re the one” phase? Men: Is it natural for men to do this? To withdraw sexually when they found “the one”? I know it doesn’t make sense, but I think that men think because they found the one, they don’t have to try hard any more. Tell me your thoughts…
blind_otter Posted February 17, 2006 Posted February 17, 2006 Could it be that maybe he is in a “transitional” phase with you? Meaning that mentally, he is moving forward with the relationship? That he is thinking that you are “the one” and he is adjusting himself accordingly? That he is planning a life that includes you, and is adjusting from the infatuation phase to the love phase to the “you’re the one” phase? No way, dude. That is a lame excuse if I've ever heard one. Oh, baby, I love you so much that I just cannot bring myself to have sex with you?? come on!!
Author typical Posted February 17, 2006 Author Posted February 17, 2006 This wasnt something he told me himself, i just got to thinking about it yesterday, ruminating on it, wondering if because men find the one, do they just give up and throw in the towel thinking "well, there will be plenty more where that came from, so i can afford to neglect for a while, because, lets face it, its not like its going to be the last time" what do ya think, otter?
a4a Posted February 17, 2006 Posted February 17, 2006 This wasnt something he told me himself, i just got to thinking about it yesterday, ruminating on it, wondering if because men find the one, do they just give up and throw in the towel thinking "well, there will be plenty more where that came from, so i can afford to neglect for a while, because, lets face it, its not like its going to be the last time" what do ya think, otter? I suppose it is possible.... If you buy a new car you don't seem as interested in it as when you first started shopping for one?? Seems like women do this...... so I suppose men could "lose interest" as well once the commitment level rises. a4a-gak gak gak gak
blind_otter Posted February 17, 2006 Posted February 17, 2006 This wasnt something he told me himself, i just got to thinking about it yesterday, ruminating on it, wondering if because men find the one, do they just give up and throw in the towel thinking "well, there will be plenty more where that came from, so i can afford to neglect for a while, because, lets face it, its not like its going to be the last time" what do ya think, otter? I suppose it's a possibility. Don't bode too well for the future though. Along those lines of reasoning, the longer you're with this dude, the less attention you get. IME, it doesn't do much good to ruminate on other people's motivations. I'm working on taking things at face value and not reading too much into it. Unless the other volunteers extra info. Otherwise you're just whistling in the dark.
Author typical Posted February 17, 2006 Author Posted February 17, 2006 Yes, I don’t see why that cant be possible, and I have even thought of other things such as: “We have plenty of time to explore our sexual nature with each other” “There will be time enough to do that when we get a place of our own” And sometimes, if men are especially chauvinistic, and view the women as their property, and are thinking of elevating the relationship from gf to wife, they might tend to view their gf’s as moving past that “horny vixen in the back seat that is just begging for me to stuff it in” point of view and instead it has changed to “my gf is a pure, matronly spinster who is chaste and above sex” point of view…. Sure it doesnt bode well, but lets just say for sake of playing devils advocate, could the lack of sexual response possibly be for a GOOD reason too???
blind_otter Posted February 17, 2006 Posted February 17, 2006 IME a lack of sexual response NEVER has a good reason. I can't think of any good reason why I would be with someone and not have sex. I mean, GAWD. If I have to tolerate this other person's presence around me 24/7 then I'd better be getting some booty. Otherwise, what's the frikkin point? I could just be single.
Author typical Posted February 17, 2006 Author Posted February 17, 2006 I know, it does seem like, "whats the point" but I was trying to figure out if there was more substance behind the lack of sexual response epidemic. so far the only thing we all think about is that they arent attracted to us anymore. Rationally, I cant figure out why a man who says they love you so much, is never going to leave you, wants to marry you and start a life with you (and his words are genuine) would all of a sudden sexually withdraw from you..... If I were to take his words at face value, and he is withdrawing from me sexually, then what besides negativity am i left to think?? Lets see what we can come up with!
Author typical Posted February 17, 2006 Author Posted February 17, 2006 well, otter, i guess it would help to know some vague backround then.. Not to be nosy, and anyone can answer this, so maybe I can get a general idea between normal and not normal how long have you been together, and how often do you have relations? I guess I cant figure out why a guy who says all of those things and is genuine would withdraw...
blind_otter Posted February 17, 2006 Posted February 17, 2006 have you asked directly, why aren't I gettin' any?
blind_otter Posted February 17, 2006 Posted February 17, 2006 I'm not "with" anyone right now. But I still hang with my ex all the time, so there ya go. I've never had a relationship where the sex lagged. Then again I've never had a relationship last longer than 3 years! quick turnover. sex is too important to me.
Author typical Posted February 17, 2006 Author Posted February 17, 2006 naturally, I had to know so I asked and he said: Dont worry, I love you, I promise, Its just that I work so hard and such long hours that I am really tired and dont feel like doing anything except sleep when i come home, but i love you always and i want to stay with you forever, you are my baby.....so. with that being said, the cause of concern is that he doesnt necessarily have to work this hard. He CHOOSES to do this on the weekends as well. It is like he is avoiding me, or us....Not getting it unless he is working super hard so later on he can sit back and reap the benefits with me and relax, which I dont see coming any time soon... Thus my original question: Is there ever a GOOD reason for the lack of sexual response????!!! Do you detect the undercurrent of my confusion??!!!
SuperMonk Posted February 18, 2006 Posted February 18, 2006 he probably found someone new or it's not him, it's you.
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