resentment006 Posted February 17, 2006 Posted February 17, 2006 Is it possible that a dumper will use NC as a defense mechanism to avoid facing his true feelings for the girl he broke up with? How do we know that the dumper isn't using NC to kill their feelings for the person they don't want to be with?
Butterflying Posted February 17, 2006 Posted February 17, 2006 If you get dumped, you should assume that the dumper is not contacting you for the same reason that they dumped you: They don't want to be with you anymore. NC is a thing that happens to end communication. Many times, people us NC as a way to manipulate a situation. You really don't know the reason behind NC until the person who started NC decides to communicate again. Unless they tell you, upfront, the reason they don't want to speak again. Whatever the reason, you should respect it. And don't waste your time thinking they will eventually come back. Because they may stay away forever.
Author resentment006 Posted February 17, 2006 Author Posted February 17, 2006 If you get dumped, you should assume that the dumper is not contacting you for the same reason that they dumped you: They don't want to be with you anymore. NC is a thing that happens to end communication. Many times, people us NC as a way to manipulate a situation. You really don't know the reason behind NC until the person who started NC decides to communicate again. Unless they tell you, upfront, the reason they don't want to speak again. Whatever the reason, you should respect it. And don't waste your time thinking they will eventually come back. Because they may stay away forever. What if I did the dumping? Should I still apply NC?
Shattered Heart Posted February 17, 2006 Posted February 17, 2006 What if I did the dumping? Should I still apply NC? As the dumper, YOU'RE confused about whether or not to apply NC? Typically, NC is a conscious choice made by the dumpee, where they are fully aware of what they are doing. As for the dumper, the choice may not be as conscious as it is subconscious. Dumpees will choose NC as an attempt to heal themselves and/or try to win back the person who dumped them. Dumpers may choose NC to ease the guilt they may be feeling for causing the dumpee so much pain and grief. Whether you choose NC or choose to keep in contact with your ex, either way it is going to hurt them. What's the purpose of you applying NC? Would you be doing it for yourself or for your ex? As the dumper, how do YOU really feel?
skeptik224 Posted February 17, 2006 Posted February 17, 2006 According to one of your threads, your ex broke up with you. Did I misread it? You need to think about what you want from your ex and what's behind you wanting to contact her. If you want her back - and you were the dumper - call her. Don't play games. If she dumped you and you want to call her because your missing her, don't. (unless you are 100% without a doubt over her and healed from it, and truly want just a friendship)
a4a Posted February 17, 2006 Posted February 17, 2006 What if I did the dumping? Should I still apply NC? I certainly apply it unless it is not possible to do so such as in business relationships ect. What is the point of hanging on? If you do not want them in your life why not go NC as a dumper. Really hanging on to past Rs just causes more problems for future Rs for both parties. I am stuck now not doing NC because of property. It just sucks! Creates more problems than the risidual friendship of a friendly break up is worth. I mean you have to watch what you say so feeling are not hurt, you end up stuck in the middle and feeling guilty and wondering if your old or new SO is being hurt....... not worth it.
Author resentment006 Posted February 17, 2006 Author Posted February 17, 2006 According to one of your threads, your ex broke up with you. Did I misread it? You need to think about what you want from your ex and what's behind you wanting to contact her. If you want her back - and you were the dumper - call her. Don't play games. If she dumped you and you want to call her because your missing her, don't. (unless you are 100% without a doubt over her and healed from it, and truly want just a friendship) Actually yes she did break up with me but she later on like 4 months later she calls me leaving a message asking me to call her back because she wanted to talk about trying again. I haven't called her back and I don't think I will. I turned down her offer.
skeptik224 Posted February 17, 2006 Posted February 17, 2006 I must have read over that part. Sorry. Good for you for deciding what you wanted and sticking to it. I'm sure it wasn't the easiest thing for you.
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