PlentyLV007 Posted February 17, 2006 Posted February 17, 2006 I'm so venting right now..... my good friend that I've known for almost 8 years has insulted me after I told him I didn't want to talk to him anymore. Why your thinking...well last time I saw him he ivited me over to hang out. We've always been good budies....there for each other always...now when I went over to hang out he said..ok you have to go, my girlfriend is on her way and she is very jelous and get's upset...and so on....I didn't understand what the big deal was. You should have seen him...it was funny to me and I didn't understand why she would get upset because of me if I'm just his friend. So I left... I was upset...he asked me to go and hang out...saying he needed to talk...then I get there and he tells me I need to leave. Two days have passed and I've avoided his phone calls....he leaves me a message saying "I'm not sorry for what I did, and it is what it is..." and hung up. The I text him "ur right. It is what it is...so leave me be". Then he calls me and leaves me an ugly voicemail...calling me names like B^&*^! and I'm just a Trick and what not.... Then he text me..."ur just mad cause I got a real woman to replace our friendship" then he text me "answer your phone coward". I mean what kind of friend does this? A Friend of 8 years...he's never insulted me, nor ever talked to me in that way!!! He keeps calling and I just don't want to deal with him after that nasty voicemail.... Why can't he let me be....?
Author PlentyLV007 Posted February 17, 2006 Author Posted February 17, 2006 He just left me another ugly voicemail...calling me names again....this seems to be getting ugly...what do I do?
Walk Posted February 17, 2006 Posted February 17, 2006 Wow... it almost sounds as if he invited you over specifically to make you jealous of the new girl. And is now pissed that it back fired. Why would he get so upset with you? I don't understand that. Sounds to me like you should be the one calling him and leaving nasty messages, not the other way around.
Author PlentyLV007 Posted February 17, 2006 Author Posted February 17, 2006 ....I'm just really bothered that he would do that! Like c'mon we are friends...I don't have feelings for him...I don't like him in that way so why would he do that? I don't understand and I honestly don't want to understand...especially what kind of person would insult you after he's the one that made the mistake. I'm happy for him...not jelous....I'm not a jelous person....
Author PlentyLV007 Posted February 17, 2006 Author Posted February 17, 2006 He's sounding so freaken pscyho! Doesn't 8 years mean anything to people these days? Sorry I'm just really venting...and LS has been really good in support!
magda Posted February 17, 2006 Posted February 17, 2006 I don't think I would sit there and let him text me nasty names. Pick up the phone and tear him a new one. If you don't want to talk to him anymore, don't, but don't put up with harrassment, either.
Citizen Erased Posted February 17, 2006 Posted February 17, 2006 He tried to make you jealous by hinting about his girlfriend. I would bet he has feelings for you, but then again he could just be dealing with an over-jealous girlfriend and is turning into a real jacka$$
noclobber Posted February 17, 2006 Posted February 17, 2006 I have read your previous threads and know your situation a bit. This is the guy friend that said that he has got a new girlfriend but is not good-looking, right? Do you know for sure that he really has a girlfriend? Did you actually meet her when you were at his place? It looks to me that he "invented" a girlfriend for the sole purpose of frustrating you! That's why you never get to see his so called girlfriend and he had to push you out of the home before "she" came. Him calling you and leaving nasty voice-mails is one more proof that the whole thing is bogus. The sentence -> "ur just mad cause I got a real woman to replace our friendship" clearly says it all. Let me ask you something. Did you in any way object to him having a girlfriend? or display any signs of jealousy? I know that you guys dated a long time back and it didn't work out. Are you totally fine with him having a girlfriend and spending time with her instead of you? At this time the best retaliation would be for you to be silent! He is desperately calling for your attention. Just don't give it to him.
hurtbeyondwords Posted February 17, 2006 Posted February 17, 2006 ok.... he has issues. I would just ignore him and wait for him to come begging on his knees. I really dont know what to say, friends dont do things like that.
jerbear Posted February 17, 2006 Posted February 17, 2006 He's sounding so freaken pscyho! Doesn't 8 years mean anything to people these days? Sorry I'm just really venting...and LS has been really good in support! 8 years is a long time but when it comes to affairs of the heart, it could have been 8 hours ago. I would just let him be himself by himself. Just don't put yourself to the abuse he is giving you. No one even a friend should be insulted with every message. I would agree to ripping him a new one but it seems like silence maybe a better solution to him. Let him calm down a few weeks later. - or - How about this... text him and say you don't appreciate the insults and when he stops; you'll decide when to contact him back. You just put him on notice
Vertex Posted February 17, 2006 Posted February 17, 2006 Tell him how rude it is for him to dismiss you after asking you to hang out, and that he has no justifiable reason to be insulting you -- my opinion is to tell him that after 8 years of friendship, you'd think he'd be a bit more understanding, but until he matures and treats you with more respect like any good friend should, you won't associate with him until then. Ask him why he'd constantly ask you to visit when all he does is tell you to leave -- not only is it wasting your time but it's very rude, disrespectful, and selfish. When he says a girl has replaced your friendship, from my perspective, I see that as a challenge to you -- he wants you to "fight back" for his company/affection/whatever. I'm not sure what his status is with his girlfriend, but the way he is treating you is unusual and smells like a mind game to me. Either ask him to explain himself fully or refrain from enduring his failed attempts at messing with you.
whichwayisup Posted February 17, 2006 Posted February 17, 2006 He handled it wrong, probably felt guilty and that is why he acted out so rudely - BUT - IN one sense, his first priority was his girlfriend. And that was the right thing to do. I don't understand why you can't see that? I mean, what if you had a boyfriend and your boyfriend hung out alot with a girl he's known for 8 years, close buddies...I'm sure you'd be abit jealous too. I don't fault him for looking out for his girlfriend at all. I DO however think he's being an ass and could have acted more maturely. Back off, leave him alone, don't answer his calls for a while.
Author PlentyLV007 Posted February 17, 2006 Author Posted February 17, 2006 Thank you all for giving me some support on this issue. I've never given my friend of 8 years a reason not to have a girlfriend. I've actually always tried to hook him up. I think it might be correct that he's waiting for me to react in a way and to "fight back" but, that's just not me if there is nothing to fight for. At this point I feel that not even our friendship is worth fighthing for. Not after he pulled yesterday's stunt. Clobber thanks for keeping up with me in regards to my friend. Much appreciated! =) I've had no problems with him dating or seeing anybody at all. He does care for me and always has. I can't control the people who start having feelings for me. I've never given him reason's nor hints of me having feelings for me / of course due to our past....we did date...but only for months. It just didn't work out. I've never met her and he just doesn't want me to meet her for some reason. The way he talks about her and the problems they have seem so real. I wouldn't think he's making this "new girlfriend" up. Who knows....I will be avoiding him....I think he needs to work out his own issues. I'm not into games and after 8 years u would think he would know that. It doesn't justify name calling me and I know all he wanted was a reaction and I never thought he would stoop that low.... It's so hard to find loyal friends. =(
noclobber Posted February 17, 2006 Posted February 17, 2006 Thank you all for giving me some support on this issue. I've never given my friend of 8 years a reason not to have a girlfriend. I've actually always tried to hook him up. I think it might be correct that he's waiting for me to react in a way and to "fight back" but, that's just not me if there is nothing to fight for. At this point I feel that not even our friendship is worth fighthing for. Not after he pulled yesterday's stunt. Clobber thanks for keeping up with me in regards to my friend. Much appreciated! =) I've had no problems with him dating or seeing anybody at all. He does care for me and always has. I can't control the people who start having feelings for me. I've never given him reason's nor hints of me having feelings for me / of course due to our past....we did date...but only for months. It just didn't work out. I've never met her and he just doesn't want me to meet her for some reason. The way he talks about her and the problems they have seem so real. I wouldn't think he's making this "new girlfriend" up. Who knows....I will be avoiding him....I think he needs to work out his own issues. I'm not into games and after 8 years u would think he would know that. It doesn't justify name calling me and I know all he wanted was a reaction and I never thought he would stoop that low.... It's so hard to find loyal friends. =( I think you have been a real good friend! The fact that you want to set him up on a date is proof enough that you want him to be happy. I think your friend has some kind of issues and its best to leave him alone for the time being. Don't respond to his calls or emails anymore. He wants you to reply but your best bet would be to remain silent. I am in a very very similar situation but the only difference is that my female friend is very possessive about me. I am very sure that she will be incredibly jealous if she knows that I am dating someone. Good luck to you. Please keep us posted.
Author PlentyLV007 Posted February 21, 2006 Author Posted February 21, 2006 The weekend passed and all weekend he was calling....I had it last night as he was calling every other half hour....so I answered, and his voice irritated me as he non-chalantly said "hey what's up"....so I told him not to say anything and just to listen...I told him that before he acts like nothing is wrong like he would ignorantly due when he's done something wrong or hurtful, that I would appreciately him not calling me, nor texting me any more harrasing voicemails like he's done. He asked me if that's what I really wanted and I said yes. Especially after he disrespected by insulting me and calling me names. I've never disrespected him in any way and I did nothing to him for him to act in that manner. He hangs up on me....Then calls me back...I don't answer. Then he leaves me another insulting voicemail with more name calling...now when is enough......enough? What the heck is his problem???? Why can't he just let me be....?
CaliGuy Posted February 21, 2006 Posted February 21, 2006 Because he's immature. Write him off. What he is doing is absolutely childish.
Walk Posted February 22, 2006 Posted February 22, 2006 Wow... I'm... (trying to think of the right word)... appalled. What an azz! He's acting as though he had a right to do that to you, and is attempting to assert his dominance by continuing the behavior after you very clearly set the line. He has no respect for you, or your boundaries. You were smart not to date him to begin with.. the man has some serious issues. Can you block his calls? Or tell him you're calling the police for threatening phone calls. Not that they'd actually do anything... but you could tell your friend you were going to do it. See if that backs him off. Really makes you wonder what the crap is going on in his head to make him think this is acceptable behavior toward a long time friend. Wow. It makes no sense.
Coochie Posted February 22, 2006 Posted February 22, 2006 How awful to have such a long standing friend treat you this way! I don't know about you, but I value my friendships very highly, treat my friends with the respect that they deserve and expect the same in return! Does he have a histoy of mental illness or relationship violence? Either way, I think that you should start keeping a diary of all the abusive phonecalls, photocopies of the text messages etc and make inquiries about what we call, here in Australia, a Peace & Good Behaviour Order or a Domestic Violence Protection Order. This could get worse ... I really hope not, but he's acting like a complete nutter!
Recommended Posts