did I ruin my chances?

February 16, 2006

This guy and I have been working on being "just friends" because he doesn't do casual dating. He said to me last week that he could see himself with me for a very long time. He just wants to get to know me on a personal level instead of rushing into something based on just attraction. It's what he needs. And , wanting to have a relationship with him I am ok with it.

I got some bad news over the weekend about my grandpa. I kinda flipped out because I kinda wanted to talk to this boy about it and our schedules were causing us to miss eachother. So I flipped out on him and sent him this horrible message about him not being there and not having time for me. It was wrong.

But then he didn't respond. So I just kept on and begged him to scream at me or just react. So he wrote back that he does care and doesnt understand why I cant just know that. He isnt avoiding me and he wants things to be ok with me but he doesnt want to be attacked for it.

I read the msg and was immediately kicked into reality. I dont want to hurt him. I dont want to lose him.

I gave him a few days to cool off. I talked to his best friend and he says my guy isnt mad at me. He actually defended me when someone said I was out of line. He said I was going through something that is really tough and I dont know how to handle it.

It has been a week and he hasnt talked to me at all. No emails , no calls, no msgs. Not even anything on valentines day. But to make matters worse, I got a txt msg from my ex. Boo!

I just dont know what to think. I feel bad for what I did and I am trying to be patient.People I know say maybe he is giving me space and waiting for me bc I am the one who flipped out. I dont know what he needs if its space or what. Maybe he is busy.

What do you guys think? I sent him a msg that said I am being patient and sure if he doesnt want to see me again he wouldve said something already. I just said to him that this week may have been a normal week to him but it was a very eventful emotional week for me so thats probably why I am having a hard time being patient.

i want him to come to me when he is ready. I hate that I hurt him. Do you think I ruined my chances?

February 17, 2006

All I know is when u find out let me know...I'm in a bit of a similar pickle myself and it's killing me so I know how u feel. The only comfort I give myself is I reflect back on times I've had someone overreact with me and if u care about someone, u'll call...no matter what. I'm sure he can understand ur pain, like u said about him defending ur feelings to someone else.

What u said was undoubtedly wrong, but I'm the same way...u wanted to talk to him by any means and wanted to do so right then and there...I'm sure something must've happened prior to make u say that. My problem is I never communicate my feelings in the correct order. I put off addressing things that bother me, like the guy can read my mind and then one day, bam! I go off!! It's never a good thing to tell someone how they feel about u...never. Especially in a negative way. If by chance, he never calls, use this as a lesson for the future. This too shall pass...I wish u luck...and if u don't mind...throw a little my way, cuz i really feel like i need it right now. I'll put up a post, so maybe u can give me some advice.

February 17, 2006

Oh yeah...stop calling and texting him. Constantly calling someone will never make them call...give him time. He'll come around eventually...

February 17, 2006

Look, a man will not want to be "friends" with a girl that's going to cry to him about his problems. Unless you're his girlfriend then that's OKAY. The guy probably has flagged you as psycho and is moving on. For you too, move on.

February 17, 2006

Why are you so vain to think that

1.You hurt him

2. He is mad at you

You gave him a few days to cool off? Puhleese. You need to be kicked back into reality a bit more.

You need to deal with your pain BY YOURSELF which is the only way it can be done. He is allowing you to do that. Once that is done go talk with the guy if you are still interested.

February 17, 2006

Why are you so vain to think that
1.You hurt him
2. He is mad at you

You gave him a few days to cool off? Puhleese. You need to be kicked back into reality a bit more.

You need to deal with your pain BY YOURSELF which is the only way it can be done. He is allowing you to do that. Once that is done go talk with the guy if you are still interested.

What you say is ok Tenorman, but I would disagree with people suffering on their own. This is in no way linked to the OP, just a viewpoint of mine.

I agree with the sentiments you express about her giving him time to cool off.

Smile, he has nothing to cool off about, you blew up on him. Apologise, maybe you have, and then its up to him. He was only your friend no?

Or have I go the wrong end of stick here?

February 17, 2006

Witabix,

Respect your opinion but in my experience friends and family can give comfort but in the end you deal with your pain by yourself. In my view that is the only way.

In any event our differences in opinion do not appear relevant to this problem. Hopefully this girl has lots of established friends and family to give her any comfort she needs for whatever setback she has suffered. The guy is right to stand back. It does not sound like he has known her for that long. Further, it sounds like he is (or was) interested in this girl romantically. He is not capitalising on the girl's seemingly vulnerable situation by being a wolf in 'friend's' clothing. Alternatively, it may be that he considers that the girl has behaved poorly towards him, and he has decided not to reward such behaviour by giving her any attention no matter how "patient" she may be.

February 17, 2006

Smile,

I've now read some of your past posts (should have done that before) and I have to say I think you are a kind and sensitive girl and I think I have been too brutal on you for which I apologise. I still stand by the import of what I have said, I just wish I had - ahem - delivered it a bit more sensitively myself. I think you need to learn to be a bit stronger and stand on your own two feet but I suspect you have what it takes.

February 17, 2006

Witabix,

Respect your opinion but in my experience friends and family can give comfort but in the end you deal with your pain by yourself. In my view that is the only way.

In any event our differences in opinion do not appear relevant to this problem. Hopefully this girl has lots of established friends and family to give her any comfort she needs for whatever setback she has suffered. The guy is right to stand back. It does not sound like he has known her for that long. Further, it sounds like he is (or was) interested in this girl romantically. He is not capitalising on the girl's seemingly vulnerable situation by being a wolf in 'friend's' clothing. Alternatively, it may be that he considers that the girl has behaved poorly towards him, and he has decided not to reward such behaviour by giving her any attention no matter how "patient" she may be.

Ah well with that post the difference between our views is almost negligible. You are right, in the end you do have deal with it yourself.

And I also agree that he should have backed off given the stuation between them, in a way it was the gentlemanly and most sensible thing to do.

February 17, 2006

Well first of all thank you for that kind and sensitive comment. I have to reword something. I didnt mean for HIM to cool off, I meant to say give him time to deal with the crap I said to him.

We never had a problem talking about things we disagree on. In fact he has forced me to talk to him face to face whenever I have something important to say. He wants us to have this open comversation, and he said that he was really happy that we could do that.

He has talked a lot about how he sees himself with me for a long time. We started out too fast, sex pretty early on. And he saw it going to a place he wasnt comfortable with. He didnt have time to fit me into his life and he wants us to get to know eachother and ease into eachothers lives before we get really serious. He seems to have a definite idea of the order of things. But sometimes we still are cuddly and kissy.

I also like what you said about not taking advantage of this situation. In a way that makes sense that he thinks maybe a situation like this accelerates everything. I dont know really but it seems like something he would do.

I was also thinking that maybe he is forcing me to do this on my own. I know I need to and he has been so good at forcing me to face things I fear (not like spiders but like nuerotic unreasonable fears like asking questions or whatever). I have family and friends but you are all right, this one i have to do on my own.

I just have no idea how long he is going to stay away. That sucks. Is he giving me real life consequences for my actions? I deserve it , but how long till you think I get it.

Do you think he would tell me if he never wanted to talk to me again? He just stopped answering me , and that sucks. Especially since everyone that knows him says he is so mild mannered, not mad at me, and totally understanding that I was just overwhelmed.

Part of me wishes I could take it back, but an other part of me sees this as a lesson. A very effective one. I lost truly the best thing to ever happen to me so far. I need to figure out how not to do that again.

February 17, 2006