Sweet&Sensitive Posted February 16, 2006 Posted February 16, 2006 I have been dating this guy for about a month now and at first things were really great. But last weekend we had sex for the first time and now he's become really distant. He didn't call or text me all last week and whenever I texted him he gave me one or two word responses, when he DID respond that is. I got tired of this so I asked him if he still wanted to date me because I was getting the impression that he didn't and he responded with "I really don't know". I asked him if he wanted to talk about it and he said he really wouldn't know what to say. After that I realized he didn't want to talk about it so I just told him to forget it and he said "No...Absolutely not...I'm not meaning to sound cliche but it's not you, it's me." Those were his exact words. He went on to say "Believe me when I say you did nothing wrong." I am so confused. I feel like he used me and I was honest with him and told him that's how I felt in an e-mail. Well, I saw him tuesday and didn't know he'd read the e-mail yet and he seemed really happy to see me and he flirted and joked and acted like nothing had ever transpired. I don't know what to think. I don't think he's ever had a serious relationship before so I don't know if he's scared things are getting too serious and he doesn't want to get hurt, or if he's telling the truth and it really has nothing to do with me but rather his own life. Should I give him some time to sort out his feelings, or is this his way of telling me he's not interested, so I should move on? Please help me!
LucreziaBorgia Posted February 16, 2006 Posted February 16, 2006 1. But last weekend we had sex for the first time and now he's become really distant. 2. He didn't call or text me all last week and whenever I texted him he gave me one or two word responses, when he DID respond that is. 3. I got tired of this so I asked him if he still wanted to date me because I was getting the impression that he didn't and he responded with "I really don't know". I asked him if he wanted to talk about it and he said he really wouldn't know what to say. 4. "No...Absolutely not...I'm not meaning to sound cliche but it's not you, it's me." Those were his exact words. He went on to say "Believe me when I say you did nothing wrong." 5. Well, I saw him tuesday and didn't know he'd read the e-mail yet and he seemed really happy to see me and he flirted and joked and acted like nothing had ever transpired. I don't know what to think. 6. I don't think he's ever had a serious relationship before so I don't know if he's scared things are getting too serious and he doesn't want to get hurt, or if he's telling the truth and it really has nothing to do with me but rather his own life. 7. Should I give him some time to sort out his feelings, or is this his way of telling me he's not interested, so I should move on? Please help me! Is this a young guy? It sounds like it probably is. 1. He was probably curious about the sex, and after it happened he realized that after a month he got to know you enough to know that he didn't really want to date you (at least not in the way you would like for him to have a relationship with you). Its horrible laid out like that, and I don't mean for it to be hurtful but sometimes a guy will stick around to see what the sex is like and regardless of whether its good or not will decide then if he wants to keep dating. I don't know that its a matter of using you for sex as much as it was getting to know you and deciding not to date you. 2. He was likely avoiding conflict and relationship talk. When that stuff happens that early on it can have some detrimental effects on guys. As in - some avoid it like the plague in the 'getting to know you' stage. 3. Surprisingly enough, he was probably being honest - he probably sincerely did not know at that point if he wanted to keep seeing you or not. He was likely weighing some pros and cons and did not want to have to decide either way at that point. Again - avoidance. 4. That's a funny line really. Its a guy's way of saying what he would not dare say to your face: "I got to know you and I don't want to date you." 5. He is presenting to you what he wants: fun, flirting, no heavy obligation, no heavy relationship talk - I expect he simply wanted have and enjoy a relationship, not have to spend time discussing it and being pinned down and having to make decisions about a relationship. Sometimes guys really do not get into the whole "lets talk about our relationship" thing particularly that early on. They just want to have it with as little obligation and pressure as possible. 6. I don't think its about him being afraid of being hurt. I think its about him being afraid of hurting you because he can't (or won't) meet your relationship expectations. 7. I'd suggest thanking him for his time, and moving on. If he still has some interest, he'll come chasing after you - but... you'll have to decide if you want him back, and can handle someone who has something different in mind in relationships than you do.
Tenorman Posted February 17, 2006 Posted February 17, 2006 Sweet&Sensitive, It really is HIM and NOT YOU. Just be happy again and look around for someone more mature. Trust me, I am a guy.
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