Chump64 Posted February 16, 2006 Posted February 16, 2006 I know it is such a bad idea to seek revenge on the Other Person, especially when your own spouse is ultimately responsible for hurting your marriage. But what do you fantasize about doing? In my case, I thought about smearing dog crap on her window at work. She has a huge, first floor office. I thought about making big posters of her (ugly) face and putting them up around town with a sign that says "I f*cked a married man for 10 years." I also thought about signing her up for AARP, since she is 10 years older than my DH. It's fun to think about, but I won't actually carry through with it. Well, except for maybe the AARP thing. I don't want to give her any incentive to contact my husband, nor do I want HER husband to start doing similar stuff. We were all friends before this came to light.
Skeered Posted February 16, 2006 Posted February 16, 2006 I can understand you wanting to get revenge however..you are smart for not following through..also by trying to seek revenge you are keeping that wound open..it's time to let it heal, what's done is done. Besides they will get there's in the end....
reservoirdog1 Posted February 16, 2006 Posted February 16, 2006 Even better, smear the dog crap under her car's door handles. That way she won't see it till it's too late. Or, phone several different 24 hour delivery places and order food for delivery to her home at weird hours in the middle of the night.
SueBee3490 Posted February 16, 2006 Posted February 16, 2006 Chump, I understand how you feel. When I first found out my H had cheated on me and I found out who one of his women friends was, I wanted revenge. I found out that she lived in a small town in OK. I also found quite a few other people in that town with her "same" last name. Since she was married, I assumed this was her husband's last name. So of course, all the people in this town with the same last name must be his relatives. I was going to make copies of her email to my husband and send them to all these people. I never did but seriously thought about doing it. It's been a few years now and I didn't do it but with the way this woman acted as though this was my fault, I wish I would have.
My_Other_I Posted February 16, 2006 Posted February 16, 2006 And what revenge are you dreaming of when it comes to your husbands?!
Author Chump64 Posted February 16, 2006 Author Posted February 16, 2006 Remember what Lorena Bobbit did???!! 1
My_Other_I Posted February 17, 2006 Posted February 17, 2006 Remember what Lorena Bobbit did???!! LOL! You totally disarmed me with this comment! I gotcha!
mopar crazy Posted February 17, 2006 Posted February 17, 2006 And what revenge are you dreaming of when it comes to your husbands?! I didn't have a very good imagination on revenge for the exOW but to beat the he!! out of her precious new car w/ a baseball bat and then her but I would of never done it, it would of just caused more problems. I needed to concentrate on myself and my children. Anyhow, I did have revenge on my H, there was no dreaming about that. I took his big screen tv from him and my brother packed away his $1,500 gun that I didn't know about but when I found it I didn't rush it back to him. I went for alimony which I didn't plan on but when I found out the facts about his A, I went for it and got it. I went after him to pay all my attorny fees and went for full custody of our children. I didn't beat the s!t out of him like I would of liked to b/c that wouldn't of gotten me anywhere either.
Author Chump64 Posted February 17, 2006 Author Posted February 17, 2006 My sweet revenge was D-Day. I invited him to lunch for his birthday, and before he even got a chance to order, I called him to our booth and confronted him with loads of evidence that he was cheating. I told him he could either be a man and unf*ck the situation, or give me a divorce. While we were meeting, I had a friend send a memo to the OW via email, telling her that the jig was up and that she better tell her husband before I got the chance. Then I gave him back my wedding ring and smashed our wedding portrait. Juvenile, I know, but it caused him tremendous pain, and at the time, I needed to do that. My husband dumped her later that day and she begged him / told him she still loved him. I am glad that she has that pain to contend with, quite honestly. Don't get me wrong, I realize that my husband is also a complete and utter S.O.B. in this scenario. I just happen to think that divorcing and splitting up the assets / kids is no less painful than working thru this. But it's a one-time offer only. Seriously, I don't have specific revenge scenarios in mind for my husband. He is (allegedly) committed to this marriage, 100 percent. If things work out, he knows that things will never be the same between us. I view him in a different light, and it's not complimentary, at least not right now. He knows that he will have to spend the rest of his life kissing my big fat a**, treating me like a princess, and appreciating me more. Of course, marriage is a 2-way street, and I need to take better care of him as well. I will take some blame for the state of the marriage that led to conditions that made him unhappy (though he claims he never was - talk about confusing), but NEVER will I take blame for him stepping over those boundaries. Never.
OldEurope Posted February 17, 2006 Posted February 17, 2006 He knows that he will have to spend the rest of his life kissing my big fat a**, Lovely. Why not spend the rest of your life getting into shape and taking care of yourself, rather than living in a state of hostility and unhappiness over this affair. If you are in such a state of mind, then divorce. Living as a couple to work revenge as a betrayed spouse is ugly and unhealthy to you and you only.
JayKay Posted February 17, 2006 Posted February 17, 2006 Your marriage will remain broken until you both move past this incident. You are absolutely right to be angry, hurt and raw. But please don't make your marriage all about H kissing your butt and trying to make it up to you. If you are still so angry, why not live seperately for a while? Go to MC together and try to work through the issues. Express your anger as you need to....but if you really want the marriage to heal at some point forgiveness and understanding need to come into play. Note; Forgive doesn't mean 'forget'. But it means moving past the past. I hope you two can work things out. As for the OW, fantasize all you want but please don't do anything impulsive. My best friend trashed an OW's house and ended up with a police record
izzybelle Posted February 17, 2006 Posted February 17, 2006 i can completely understand the desire to make someone, the H or the OW/OM "pay" for the mess they've created in of a number of people's lives. first let me say that i'm an exOW, almost 2yrs out of that situation, and time and these forums have given me many different perspectives on these situations. enough to know that i will never go down that road again. that said, let me share a revenge story with you. a friend of mine caught her H cheating well over a year ago with one of their neighbors. to this day, all she wants and does is seek revenge. making his life, and the OW's life miserable. what she fails to see is the impact that HER actions are now having on her kids. she can't let it go, she's seeking full custody as her last bit of revenge ... but aside from hurting her H beyond belief, who is she really punishing for her H's infidelity? her kids. aside from the fact that he was an a$$ for what he did, he's a good dad. he made some bad choices, but he loves his kids with all his heart. but aside from tearing him up inside, the real damage is being inflicted on those who were the most innocent in the affair, the children. i know the OP was just fantasizing about revenge, but for those of you who may be seriously contemplating, seeking full custody, excessive amounts of child support and/or alimnoy ... please, before you do, think about those innocent little peeps, as well as other innocent family members who may also be damaged by these acts. izzy
travellingman Posted February 17, 2006 Posted February 17, 2006 just end it, no sense to spend the rest of your life in a bitter, f*cked up marriage
Author Chump64 Posted February 17, 2006 Author Posted February 17, 2006 Jeez people, chill out! I don't plan to live the rest of my life as a bitter, scorned woman. I'd be long gone before I'd waste my life playing that game. I just threw the kiss a** comment in for a bit of levity. And my ass really isn't fat, btw. Just a figure of speech. I guess people missed my point in the original post: That I was FANTASIZING about revenge, not that I'm looking for it, and looking to live my life in bitter revenge mode. I think I've been pretty generous to my spouse so far, and we are both doing everything we can to make this work.
EnigmaXOXO Posted February 17, 2006 Posted February 17, 2006 If I somehow woke up one day to find myself married to a cheater (a stranger in my own bed)… then I can think of no better lesson than to allow the other woman to HAVE him. I might even pin a "thank you and good luck" note to his collar as I sent him on his way. Poetic justice will take it's own course in time as this other lady discovers (first hand) what it was really like to trade places with me. Perhaps she'll finally learn a long overdue lesson about empathy and perhaps, upon becoming the latest nagging b*tch in his life that he bellyaches about, she'll realize that perhaps all the bad things that he told her about me weren't true. And my ex… having discovered that his fantasy lover now has a few warts of her own, may one day live to regret having made a bad trade. Eventually, they'll fall back into their old patterns and do what comes naturally to them. He'll cheat on her, or she'll cheat on him. Either way, what comes around usually goes around. It's nice to know that sometimes Life (in its own good time) finds it's own justice without you ever having to dirty your hands. 1
silktricks Posted February 18, 2006 Posted February 18, 2006 I don't plan to live the rest of my life as a bitter, scorned woman. I'd be long gone before I'd waste my life playing that game. I just threw the kiss a** comment in for a bit of levity. And my ass really isn't fat, btw. Just a figure of speech. I guess people missed my point in the original post: That I was FANTASIZING about revenge, not that I'm looking for it, and looking to live my life in bitter revenge mode. I think I've been pretty generous to my spouse so far, and we are both doing everything we can to make this work. I bet you'll make it too. For my revenge fantasy --- well I had a few. but I think my favorite was this: When I found about the A she drove a school bus. I fantasized painting on the school bus and on all of the roads on her route: <her name> is an adulteress. <her name> chases married men. <her name> is a b**tch and a w**re (except, of course, I wouldn't have used astericks.)
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