Woggle Posted February 16, 2006 Posted February 16, 2006 Ladies can you interperet this thing my fiance said for me? She told me that even though she is independent and likes being that way she loves knowing that she could depend on me if she could and that security is one of the reasons she is marrying me.
alphamale Posted February 16, 2006 Posted February 16, 2006 Ladies can you interperet this thing my fiance said for me? She told me that even though she is independent and likes being that way she loves knowing that she could depend on me if she could and that security is one of the reasons she is marrying me. Well, I'm not a female but i did stay at a holiday inn express last nite ...... She's talking about $$$.
Touche Posted February 16, 2006 Posted February 16, 2006 Money? That's funny, that's not the first thing that came to mind for me. I think it's more emotional security. At least that's important for me. Knowing that you can depend on that person to be there. Someone who will always be loyal, faithful and your life partner. Someone who you can depend on as far as not bolting when the bad times hit. That's the way I took it anyway. Alpha, didn't get your holiday inn express joke. Guess I'm slow this morning. Can you explain it? Woggle, did she say that after you brought up the prenup? That might change my answer to Alpha's!
alphamale Posted February 16, 2006 Posted February 16, 2006 Money? That's funny' date=' that's not the first thing that came to mind for me. I think it's more emotional security. [/quote'] one cannot eat emotional security. In addition, emotional security won't put a roof over you head or make the car payment. Alpha' date=' didn't get your holiday inn express joke. Guess I'm slow this morning. Can you explain it?[/quote'] Its is a commercial for Holiday Inn Express hotels. In the commericials people do all sorts of incredible things after sleeping at one of their hotels.
Art_Critic Posted February 16, 2006 Posted February 16, 2006 She's talking about $$$. bingo... give that man a dollar...
whichwayisup Posted February 16, 2006 Posted February 16, 2006 Maybe she meant self efficient? That she could take care of herself, but now that she's with you she feels so secure and that if anything 'happened' you'd be there for her? Just looking at it from another angle guys...Don't be rollin' yer eyes at me now! hehe...
blind_otter Posted February 16, 2006 Posted February 16, 2006 Well, I'm not a female but i did stay at a holiday inn express last nite ...... I just spit coffee over my desk. Anyways I would guess that it's another one of those random comments that women make that make no sense to anyone but them.
TeaCooler Posted February 16, 2006 Posted February 16, 2006 she could have meant anything, or everything. she's your fiancee. why don't you ask her what she means if it's bothering you?
Touche Posted February 16, 2006 Posted February 16, 2006 Alpha, you are right in saying this: "one cannot eat emotional security. In addition, emotional security won't put a roof over you head or make the car payment." But that STILL doesn't mean that she was talking about money. She can provide a roof over her own head and pay her own car payment after all. Never saw the commercial you speak of.
Walk Posted February 16, 2006 Posted February 16, 2006 I'm a woman.. I've felt the same way.. It didn't have to do with money. It had to do with emotional support, physical in the sense of hugs/kisses/holding, and intellectual support (times where you don't understand but your partner can help you see a different view or better understanding.) When I am feeling weaker then my normally independent, capable self, it would be fantastic to know that my partner would be there for me during those times. Like if I broke my arm, he'd carry my bag or something. Or if I just had a hell of a bad day, to know that he'd be there to give me a hug and try to make me smile. That sort of thing. NOT MONEY! f*** other people's money. I don't want it. f***ing blood money. that's all it is. (i'm having a bad day, sorry.)
RecordProducer Posted February 16, 2006 Posted February 16, 2006 Ladies can you interperet this thing my fiance said for me? She told me that even though she is independent and likes being that way she loves knowing that she could depend on me if she could and that security is one of the reasons she is marrying me. Oh, I missed something, I didn't know she was your fiancee already. Well congratulations! (I got married, btw) I think most women like to feel secure and protected. I feel like that with my hubby, starting from stupid things such as he will repair the kids' car toy or find a solution for something to bigger things like he will defend me or provide for us if I don't... I just love being under his wing and know that I am not alone.
blind_otter Posted February 16, 2006 Posted February 16, 2006 I'm a woman.. I've felt the same way.. It didn't have to do with money. It had to do with emotional support, physical in the sense of hugs/kisses/holding, and intellectual support (times where you don't understand but your partner can help you see a different view or better understanding.) When I am feeling weaker then my normally independent, capable self, it would be fantastic to know that my partner would be there for me during those times. Like if I broke my arm, he'd carry my bag or something. Or if I just had a hell of a bad day, to know that he'd be there to give me a hug and try to make me smile. That sort of thing. NOT MONEY! f*** other people's money. I don't want it. f***ing blood money. that's all it is. (i'm having a bad day, sorry.) No offense, but isn't this what a guy is just supposed to do when you're in a relationship? Please don't get upset with me. Simple question. I mean, my ex still does that for me and we aren't even together any more.
Touche Posted February 16, 2006 Posted February 16, 2006 Yes, it's what your partner is "supposed" to do when in a relationship...problem is that not everyone thinks (or acts) that way. I think she was telling Woggle that she appreciates that he's one of those who DOES think that way.
alphamale Posted February 16, 2006 Posted February 16, 2006 No offense, but isn't this what a guy is just supposed to do when you're in a relationship? Look, if women are looking to men for emotional support then they are sadly mistaken. We are providers of material things...not of "emotions" and all that subjective sheeyot! Women should be going to their families or other women for emotional support, not to their hubbies or boyfriends. Men who give emotionals support are sissies. The only time i give "emotional support" to women I'm dating is if something serious happens such as loss of a job or a relative's death. And even then I give them minimal emotional support. Trust me, she's not looking for emotional support cause she already knows where to get that. She's looking for money support. Older women like her always go for the money cause they're not stupid anymore.
whichwayisup Posted February 16, 2006 Posted February 16, 2006 Alpha NOT all men are like that. I can say my husband is wonderful and supportive in so many ways. If I have a bad day or if something has happened he has always been there for me. As I am there for him too. That is just how it is with us. Maybe some men can't or WON'T do that - Give that kind of support. And I know TONS of people who have loving and supportive husbands too. My neighbour has breast cancer right now and her husband is f**k'n amazing. He is a rock in so many ways, emotionally there for her too.
whichwayisup Posted February 16, 2006 Posted February 16, 2006 Wog, this isn't about money with her. This is about companionship, give and take, living life together as a couple and she is giving herself to you in everyway possible. Don't look at it as MONEY as some have mentioned. She is looking at you as her rock.
alphamale Posted February 16, 2006 Posted February 16, 2006 My neighbour has breast cancer right now and her husband is f**k'n amazing. He is a rock in so many ways, emotionally there for her too. well i would give emotional support in above siutation also. this is serious medical problem. but i would not give emotional support if she's having a bad hair day or is suffering from PMS or burnt the dinner.
Touche Posted February 16, 2006 Posted February 16, 2006 I guess are husbands are "sissies" Witch..at least according to Alpha! Well, if that's being a "sissy" I'll take sissy over whatever the alternative is. By the way, Alpha, my husband is a high powered professional whom many would consider a "man's man." So how does that square with what you're saying?
blind_otter Posted February 16, 2006 Posted February 16, 2006 She is looking at you as her rock. What does this mean, though? I understand in terms of women like me, who tend to be submissive in relationships. But what about women who like their independence?
alphamale Posted February 16, 2006 Posted February 16, 2006 By the way' date=' Alpha, my husband is a high powered professional whom many would consider a "man's man." So how does that square with what you're saying?[/quote'] look TOUCHE...I'm just trying to say that most men don't excel at giving emotional support and that women should not utilize their man as the primary giver of emotional support. Maybe there are a few men who are good at it. I personally am not.
serial muse Posted February 16, 2006 Posted February 16, 2006 Wog, you can go with the women's perspective or the men's perspective here. But, since you asked for the women's, you should note that they've been pretty much universal: it's about emotional support. Money has nothing to do with it. Alpha says that money is what it's all about because in his worldview, that is what it's all about. Cool for him, but that doesn't apply to everyone. He says women shouldn't look to men for emotional support - and within his domain, he certainly he knows what he's talking about, because he says right out he personally doesn't offer it and considers men who do sissies. So, that's that side of things. But that has nothing to do with other people's relationships per se, and especially not with how a woman sees it. Whether or not she "should" or "shouldn't" expect emotional support from you, as a man - I get the impression from all you've said in the past about your great relationship that she certainly does expect it, appreciates it, and likes knowing that you'll be there for her in the future, too. That's how I read it. Nothing more, nothing less. Doesn't seem complicated to me at all.
Touche Posted February 16, 2006 Posted February 16, 2006 Alpha, I agree with what you're saying and I understand. I think the question also is one of degree. For example, if I whine about PMS, my husband will say "Aww...honey, I'm sorry you're feeling badly." And that's it. He won't sit and hold my hand all day or coddle me. But for me that's enough. Other women might say that's not being emotionally supportive. They'd want/need more. So really, we agree. I just think some women need and want more than a man is willing or able to give emotionally. Me, I don't need that much I don't think so to me he IS emotionally available and supportive. The bottom line, which I think you were getting at Alpha, is that no ONE person can be everything to another. We must get certain things from other people (within reason of course.) Anyone who expects to get all of their needs met from one person (their SO for example) is just setting themselves up for a major disappointment. It's just not realistic.
whichwayisup Posted February 16, 2006 Posted February 16, 2006 well i would give emotional support in above siutation also. this is serious medical problem. but i would not give emotional support if she's having a bad hair day or is suffering from PMS or burnt the dinner. I agree with that. I mean, for me, I won't go complain to my hubby about PMS. He makes comments, makes me laugh, but we don't sit and discuss the in's and out's of why I feel like s***... I was meaning more serious things, like the cancer or any other serious crisis. One has to be able to rely on their spouse during the rough times. The girl friends/sisters etc are good to go for "girl" stuff. I prefer it that way as well because he can't give me that kind of support, that sympathy because he doesn't get PMS. Or understand it...And that's OK. What does this mean, though? I understand in terms of women like me, who tend to be submissive in relationships. But what about women who like their independence? It's the security feeling and knowing that you're not alone. That the love of your life is THERE for you, no matter what. Fullfilling needs, being together, good times and bad times...Reliability.
blind_otter Posted February 16, 2006 Posted February 16, 2006 It's the security feeling and knowing that you're not alone. That the love of your life is THERE for you, no matter what. Fullfilling needs, being together, good times and bad times...Reliability. So there is no difference between a woman who likes her independence and a woman who enjoys being submissive in relationships, at least in terms of this.
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