Guest Posted February 16, 2006 Posted February 16, 2006 Hi this is my first post but i've been coming here for a few months now and everyone's been helpful but i need real help. I have a problem with jealousy first and foremost.(some trust issues) (Still in high school) Here is the situation me and my ex have dated each other on and off for almost 5 years now and I really love her and she "loved" me. One of my close friends (A) is hitting on her and she stops talking to him. We have had a long distance relationship for about a year now and she told me she liked someone else. Every since she told me she had feelings for another person she started acting a little differently but still called me everyday and we talked all the time. Once i found out that she liked him I started reacting differently to her and talking about her and him all the time. We never see each other towards the end we saw each other once a month(hardly a relationship). In december she told me she wasnt in love with me anymore and she broke up with me. We talked about 5 days after and got into an argument and she hung up on me(December 13). I tried and tried to talk to her and her mother picks up the phone and says she wont come to the phone and that she is not in love with me anymore. Being a dummy i write to her and express my feelings to her. No reply then on Jan. 13 or around then i see her on AIM, i try to chat and she argues with me and stops chatting. While chatting i find she is dating this new friend and she is supposed to be very happy with him. She tell me to not call her house because her mother will call the police. I stop trying to communicate(NC). I get really depressed and cant stop thinking of her. Two weeks pass and she calls me on my cell one Sat. afternoon, the number is blocked so i asked who is this and she says her name and i am shocked to hear from her (She had a dream of me). She tells me she broke up with the guy she liked. We talk for a few hours and she is talking about college and us getting back together, i try to play it cool and a ride with her on the convo. and we catch up. We talk and she calls me a few times that week, flirting and talking about us. She says she is depressed and can't sleep at night. then i don't hear from her for about a week and i catch her on AIM, i ask are you busy and she replies happily "not at all". She tell me she has been trying to call me all week but couldnt(Her Mother). We chat all night talking about us and sex and she says she still has feelings for me and wants to play us by ear. I ask her to be my long distance valentine and she quickly says yes. She says how she want to see me and we talk about sex and how we feel about each other. Then i ask her "how is the single life treating you?" she say "what i am not single" and i guess that she is dating my friend "A"and she says yes and my mentality changes towards her. I start talking about how she decieved me and saying "Mrs. A" and she gets mad. The next day we are chatting at night and she is saying how she didnt mean it and how she was vulnerable but she still loves me(but is not in love) and how she loves "A"(but is not in love). Apparently they have been dating since mid january. Which comes to tonight, she calls me(I have only called her twice once on saturday and on valentines day, we talked for five minutes) and we start talking and me in my jealous mentality (i cant help it everything has changed and i am respectful of the relationship). I tell her how i feel and she say she is confused if me but really happy with her relationship. I tell her i think she is still in love and she denies and says she doesnt want to date me ever again. I ask her does she ever feel like she is still in love with me and she says sometimes but she doesnt feel like that for the new guy. We talk alittle long with me depressing her and she is half asleep and she says she has to go so i hang up on her. Like a dummy i call her back and she hangs up in my face. i have been depressed for the paast 3 months and was alright before i knew she had a boyfriend, but am back to square on what should i do?(Help Me) NC or Let her go completely(I am still deeply in love) I want her back so badly but i don't want to be hurt or this much in love with her.
helena abadi Posted February 16, 2006 Posted February 16, 2006 sorry to read how much you are hurting. we've mostly all been there. well, there's lots of confusing games going on, but the message is pretty clear. you broke up because it is broken, and it is still broken. and the more you allow these games to continue, the more you are beating yourself up. can you take a BIG step back, stop contacting her, and not answer her calls also? it will protect your feelings which are taking a giant battering. for your own sake, NC seems best. NC allows an empty space, time out, for healing to start. if you don;t start some self-preservation, every time you know something more about her personal life e.g. a new boyfriend, you will go back to Square One and the pain will feel just as raw. how many times can you keep stabbing yourself in the heart? good luck.
Guest Posted February 16, 2006 Posted February 16, 2006 thank you that is a big help, i decided not to contact her anymore no matter how much i care for her, that is the only way i can get over her.
truballer4life Posted February 16, 2006 Posted February 16, 2006 Thanks that is what i need to do, the only problem is that i love her too much and i want a second chance but i don't want to get hurt. We had one of the deepest relationships ever and i believe she still loves me (she told me she feels that way sometimes) but once she told me about another boyfriend i pushed her far away. I hate that i love her and i only want to be with her, i cant get her off of my mind and that is a problem. Everything, i mean everything reminds me of her and i hate it. This weekend she was crying over me and didnt want me to leave her, i feel that she is in constant denile about her true feelings and i am not there to make her see that. But i do need to let her go. She is the type of person to hide her true feelings. The only problem is that i really love talking to her and i am too nice a guy to ignore her. And to top it all off we never see each other and i have kept NC and she says that she is still in love (or like) and is initiating the contact.
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