curly Posted February 16, 2006 Posted February 16, 2006 I'm in 2 weeks into the rollercoaster (NC).... And in very much in need of cliches... big jolts to the system... big taste of reality! Yes, I know I really don't Want to hear it, but I've Got to hear it.... Give it to me ladies/guys..... I'm so sliding down the slope.... 2 weeks of strong & now.... feeling the... missing him, NO he doesn't love me.... wait, hope keeps floating up, denial keeps pulling me down.... I can't take it. I want to know where he is, what he's doing... talk me down! Help!
Walking away Posted February 16, 2006 Posted February 16, 2006 Going through the same thing. I wish I had some advice for you. Is he contacting you?
Author curly Posted February 16, 2006 Author Posted February 16, 2006 No, he's made no contact. My story... yes I know, ... is different.. He's not a cakeman. Just caught up in the OW/MM situation... yes. lies. stories. can't actually commit to the OW (ME) but wants to leave W....been married too long to be OK with just picking up. He's had more than a year to get used to the idea... but.... Anyway, he hasn't contacted me. He's not like others that are relentless. When I ask him to go,, he goes. But, he usually shows back up a few weeks or about a month later. I miss him sooo much right now. though...
newbby Posted February 16, 2006 Posted February 16, 2006 it is only natural that this would be your weak point. my xmm too, would leave me for a few weeks or a month, after i said go, or he went of his own accord. when i did nc for good, my weakest moments were the times he would usually return. this is one hurdle, you will have another in a month. once you are past both of these, you have cracked it. it is only a matter of weeks. go with the pain. i dont know what your relationship was like, but, if you were waiting for him to make a decision, then your whole life and happiness was in his hands. thats a dependency you dont want.
RedRose73 Posted February 16, 2006 Posted February 16, 2006 Hello I am in the same situation, its been 2 1/2 weeks for me with NC. I changed my numbers home & cell & changed my e-mail. He had contacted me before i changed my numbers & it hurt like hell. Now he can't so i won't hear his voice telling me that he loves me with all his heart & soul. He has been giving me broken promises for the passed 1 1/2 years that he is leaving his wife , this time. I just couldn't take it anymore. After hearing that over 15 times, I had no choice but to leave him & get on with my life. I know this though for sure, IF THEY REALLY LOVED US LIKE THEY SAY THEY DO, THEY WOULD BE WITH US NO MATTER WHAT THE CONSEQUENCES WHERE. Oh, they love us, but just not enough!!
LucreziaBorgia Posted February 16, 2006 Posted February 16, 2006 Maybe he is a Tow Dipper? Cakemen usually are content in their marriages. TOW Dippers are "martyrs" in them. Both are types to avoid if you want to keep your heart intact.
newbby Posted February 16, 2006 Posted February 16, 2006 it is only natural that this would be your weak point. my xmm too, would leave me for a few weeks or a month, after i said go, or he went of his own accord. when i did nc for good, my weakest moments were the times he would usually return. this is one hurdle, you will have another in a month. once you are past both of these, you have cracked it. it is only a matter of weeks. go with the pain. i dont know what your relationship was like, but, if you were waiting for him to make a decision, then your whole life and happiness was in his hands. thats a dependency you dont want. just realised that made no sense! sorry, i think you know what i meant.
newbby Posted February 16, 2006 Posted February 16, 2006 Maybe he is a Tow Dipper? Cakemen usually are content in their marriages. TOW Dippers are "martyrs" in them. Both are types to avoid if you want to keep your heart intact. interesting article LB.
Author curly Posted February 16, 2006 Author Posted February 16, 2006 Wow, once again, LB, you've hit the nail on the head. This is almost exactly him. Although he's never said she's a b*tch, he plays the complete martyr role - in the marriage, as a father, as a son. He's the one that's had to sacrifice everything. Thank you for this article. It does seem like he was just trying me on to see if I would be comfortable for him. It's funny, no matter how old men are... they are still little boys, aren't they?
Walking away Posted February 16, 2006 Posted February 16, 2006 My MM's wife has a drinking problem...Does that make him a dipper? I KNOW that there are codependency issues with those two in that marriage, but how do I fit into the equation? I am NOT an addictive personality - have no addictions whatsoever. So, what is he getting out of his relationship with me?
Walking away Posted February 16, 2006 Posted February 16, 2006 Red Rose, I agree completely with that fact that if they loved us they would be with us no matter what the consequences are: I believe that true love leaves room for no other...It is impossible, I think, to be with another if you truly love someone....
My_Other_I Posted February 16, 2006 Posted February 16, 2006 Wow, once again, LB, you've hit the nail on the head. This is almost exactly him. Although he's never said she's a b*tch, he plays the complete martyr role - in the marriage, as a father, as a son. He's the one that's had to sacrifice everything. Thank you for this article. It does seem like he was just trying me on to see if I would be comfortable for him. It's funny, no matter how old men are... they are still little boys, aren't they? Just like mine! But mine was also a cake eater and a narcisist. He's got it all!
RedRose73 Posted February 16, 2006 Posted February 16, 2006 My Other, i think ur ex MM might have some competition with my ex MM. He was the biggest player i ever met in my life, could charm the pants off any women, in 1/2 hour!! haha Would throw u the biggest lies ever!! I think we would have a good fight here!
Walking away Posted February 16, 2006 Posted February 16, 2006 I think what makes leaving these relationships so difficult is the age old fight between the head and the heart. The head tells us that this is wrong, both for the MM's family and for ourselves, but the heart has a hard time letting go. I think that is why we are tearing ourselves up during these breakups. We are in a dogfight with ourselves and the fur is flying everywhere. And, it is incredibly hard to walk away when mutual feelings exist, however wrong they may be.
guest Posted February 16, 2006 Posted February 16, 2006 I too am going through the same thing. Not sure if you guys are married and the OW/OM is married but that is my situation. I actually posted my little saga on the infidelity part of this forum. Having an affair for two years now I have a "normal" marriage.....my OM does not. I will never be sure. Supposidly they have not been intimate for over two years.... anyway I did fall in love with man. I have ping ponged back and forth since the beginning due to guilt. When I entered into it, I was having some issues which are now resolved with the help of a a therapist. the only major issue now is that I still havent been able to walk away from the OM. He claims to want to marry me someday and be together forever. He feels like I will never leave my situation......funny b/c he is still in his........ he doesnt want to leave to be "alone".......(typical man) I have tried countless times to leave only to find myself back in the situation again. I have just told him I cant do this anymore and to please not contact me. again, I have done this many times so not sure if he thinks it's just another little slip again but I really want to do this. I love him and it is going to be one of the most difficult things i have done..... I need support as I know the following days/weeks are not going to be easy........
Walking away Posted February 17, 2006 Posted February 17, 2006 There are many of us on the same path as you. I have a feeling it is going to be a very long, difficult road ahead for us.
Guest Posted February 17, 2006 Posted February 17, 2006 I guess we will need to stick together then..........
newbby Posted February 17, 2006 Posted February 17, 2006 guest, why dont you register, it means your posts are shown immediately, and besides, there are so many guests here, it is confusing.
guest Posted February 19, 2006 Posted February 19, 2006 hi there, well of course I keep going back and forth with wanting to continue this affair and wanting to walk away....Know how I feel about the OM however I am not so sure that I want to leave my husband. Of course when there is no communication with the OM, it makes it easier b/c when I speak to him (forget when I see him) I just go weak and want him. he claims that he wants a future....his marriage is a lot diff. then mine. he def has been pretty honest with me (stupidly honest sometimes). not sure if he can ever leave regardless of his situation... I dont think the grass is greener by any stretch and I am well aware of his faults and such....as one therapist once said......you have to pick your poison b/c there is good and bad in everthing........ the point is.....here i would be giving up 20 years of history for the unknown. Anyway......i sent the OM a letter 3 days ago......basically saying i needed to walk away and to please not contact me. ofcourse he did and why not........he does not want this affair to end. i know this wont be easy to walk away. he is on my mind constantly......... any help on how to stay strong???? anyone else going thru this????
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