thebrig Posted February 16, 2006 Posted February 16, 2006 Before getting into a long winded story, here's some general info... I'm 19, he's 22. I'm away at University and he's living at home (only an hour away we see each other every weekend), we've been dating for over 2.5years, he is my bestfriend and first love but I feel like I'm growing apart from him. In the beginning I had my head in the clouds. Things were great, he treated me like a Queen, loved me unconditionally, spoiled me, I trusted him, I could be honest with him and I lapped it up. I had never once questioned my love for him, the possibility of breaking up was well... impossible. He was everything I could have asked for in a guy. The hard part is... he is still all of this and more. In December, 2.5 years into our relationship I get a funny feeling. I just woke up oneday and it was there. It came as such a shock I assumed it was my hormones out of whack and it would pass. Next I noticed my sex drive had checked out. Then I noticed myself becoming really irritable around him. Little things would bother me especially in the presence of my family and friends, and then my eyes began to wander. The weird feeling lasted for about a month and left for a couple weeks, now its back. Over the 2+ years I was with him, I thought other guys were attractive, but they were never worth a second glance, I could NEVER picture myself with anyone else. Now I've had two big crushes in the past couple months. One has fizzled out, but after meeting a new guy, I can't get him off of my mind and I can't stop comparing him and my BF. I don't know if my recent relapse is because of this other guy or this type of feeling normally comes and goes. Everytime I think over the idea of breaking up I only think of his feelings, not my own. Basically in the past school year I have become a much more independent person. I'm loving my freedom and loving time spent with friends (we were ALWAYS together). The problem is I know how dependant he is on me... he stayed home while some friends went to school, and other friends he had just grew apart leaving him with a very select few. If I were to break up with him what would he do? Plus I help hi with SO much. Lately I'm just feeling like he's not adding up to what I want in a partner. He's 22, settled for a career and is now laid off. He has only been laid off for a couple weeks but in them I've really noticed that he has no confidence at all, no motivation, and no ambition in life. He lives day to day, has no real plans and really doesn't do a thing without my constant nagging. He can't write a resume without me getting on him to do it, then I have to re-write the entire thing because he wont put the effort into revising it, next i have to nag him until he breaks down and writes a cover letter (I used to do all this for him, a mistake i know). I want someone with drive, I want someone who will take care of me, I don't want to have to feel like everything is always up to me. I wear the pants in this relationship, not because I want to or because I have a domineering personality.. because he is SO passive. I would love to know some other's feelings before they dropped the bomb. How do you know? I don't want to ruin this relationship. And I would never want to end our friendship because on that level we're meant to be, we always have an amazing time together. I just need to know if these are issues I can approach him with and see if he will change... or if I'm barking up the wrong tree. Also, what are your experiences with breaks, this idea has run through my head the most. My mom had broken up with my Dad a couple times between Highschool and College and they're happily married. Could it be I just need some time to myself and time apart from him to see whether or not I really need him in my life? I'm horribly confused, torn and emotional about the whole subject... any help is greatly appreciated.
ChaseYng2005 Posted February 16, 2006 Posted February 16, 2006 I'm in the exact same position as he is right now. My loved one doesnt see me as financially strong enough or ready to settle down comfortably, so he's seeing his ex. I think you should support him and tell him what you think..tell him all of what you think, the good and the bad. If he doesnt seem to understand, then I guess you have no choice.
brisman Posted February 16, 2006 Posted February 16, 2006 By all means, sit him dowm and tell him all this. Be aware, though, that your self-confessed nagging is probably having the reverse effect of what you want it to. He's probably feeling more and more worthless and unappreciated and that you're not behind him, resulting in his withdrawing more and more. If he doesn't respond to the talk, then start pulling back without going so far as dropping a break-up bombshell on him. He'll probably appreciate the wake-up call and if you can avoid all the drama that an actual break-up brings with it, so much the better.
Author thebrig Posted February 16, 2006 Author Posted February 16, 2006 Thanks for your input, I'm especially concerned with his point of view so its nice to have feedback concerning that. I'm looking for all of those qualities in a partner, but yet I'm not at all ready to settle down. I'm still very young and I think what is adding to the problem is, I'm wondering if I'm missing out or letting life pass me by while I'm tied up with him.
AltplanB Posted February 16, 2006 Posted February 16, 2006 I was on the opposite end of this story and this sounds exactly like what happened to me. She lost her feelings for me after she realized i had no drive and nothing that i had earned for myself. Everything was given to me and that wasnt admirable. But you have to ask yourself what my ex didn't. If you really truly love this person, do you want to work things out, and if so...can you. You would have to sit him down and just tell him everything and if he says he is going to change and that he would do it all for you, then it means he cares. I would of done anything...i woulda changed my life and foresaken everything else for her but she just told me ther wasnt gonna be a second chance...and three weeks later she was with someone else. You just have to sit down and say, fish or cut bait. I wish i could tell you not let go of him, but that is only because i wish she hadn't done it to me...but you have to make that same decision, based on your own feelings. It could be the hardest/best decision you will ever make but you have to also remember that at least you are young. At least time is still on your side. Im only 21, i know there is someone else out there. I just still love this girl. I dont know if i will ever be able to let go. Its the love we feel when they are gone for good that we know at least one side of the relationship was true.
Recommended Posts