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Sorry and trying to make things right again...


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Posted

I'm looking for some suggestions on how to prove to my husband that I am TRULY sorry for being unfaithful to him and to show him that I SINCERELY want to make things work out between us. Here is my story.....My husband and I have been together for 12 years now. Married for 10 years and we have 2 children. When we got back from our honeymoon, I received a letter from a girl that he had been with 2 weeks before our wedding. He didn't sleep with her, but they messed around. I forgave him and we moved on. Generally,our marriage has no problems, but as many families with children have experienced, my husband and I don't spend much "US" time together, unless we are with the children or falling asleep at night...We moved into a very "snobby" neighborhood in 2002. Soon thereafter I felt like I had to make myself "fit in" with the other wifes in the neighborhood, most of them stay at home mothers, like myself. My familty and I quickly became friends with the OM and his wife The OM's job, is basically an at home business, so he is in the neighborhood most days. The OM's wife does work and is gone during the day. From time to time, the OM would stop by with his daughters, so that our children could play togethor. I didn't really think anything of the OM at the time, other then he was my friend's husband and just a guy in the neighborhood. He was in NO WAy my type at all -Nerdy, glasses, skinny, penny loafers, pants up to his belly button, shirt buttoned to the collar etc...

Over time I began talking to my husband more about the OM, as he was becoming a good friend, he was nice to talk to, we had similar interests, he made me laugh. etc...our families would get togethor a few times a month to hang out and I really wasn't picking up on anything out of the ordinary, but the usual, guy girl, friends flirting. For the most part, my husband and I communicate very well and it was about this time that I started mentioning that I was starting to have sexual fantasies about the OM. I even thought it was funny as he is so nerdy! But, there was something there that interested me. A domination thing, I guess. My husband and I talk very openly about our fantasies with other people, so it wasn't anything new. I told my husband that the OM was becoming more forward with me, with sexual comments and touching. ( a poke here, a brush there, etc.) But, I assured my husband that I was a big girl and could handle the OM and that he had nothing to worry about. After all the OM was a total dork. He was fun to be around, but to actually do anything sexual with him, was only a fantasy. I had NEVER cheated on my husband before!

Towards the end of October of 2005 my grandmother passed away, from Leukemia. My grandmother and I were very close and her death hit me VERY HARD! My husband took a few days off for the funeral and grieving but that was all he could do. This is when the OM made his move. We held our already scheduled Halloween party with our family and friends and once the children and most of the adults had left, our party turned very adult. My sister ended up lap dancing my husband, another friend of mine was with another guy and I ended up with the OM (His wife and children had left the party). I tried to stall things and brush him off, but eventually, he wound up kissing me right in fromt of my husband! My husband didn't say a word. Once, I got my husband alone, I asked him if he was ok and he assured me that everything was ok. The OM and I kissed 2 more times at the party. A few days later both my husband and I confronted the OM about the party events and he assured my husband that he wouldn't hook up with me again. That it was over and done. So, we never said a thing to his wife. During the next few weeks the OM took advantage of the loss of my grandmother. He would contact me and gave me a shoulder to cry on and an ear to talk to during the days when my husband couldn't be there. The OM said ALL the right things, which only fueled an existing flame. In the middle of December, I came clean and told my husband what had been going on. That on several occasions the OM and I got together and hung out, talked alot about the things in life that were concerns to us, Our marriages, my grandmother's death, etc. and that we had kissed a few times and most importantly, we had made out once. The last time the OM and I were together, one thing lead to another and I masturbated him while we were kissing - in my family room. I didn't feel right and I stopped things. He "finished" himself off in his hand. Then he washed up and left. Once I came clean with my husband, my relationship with the OM was over. My husband confronted the OM and he denied everything. I spoke with the OM and he told me that he was just telling me what I wanted to hear. That I wasn't the first, nor would I be the last and that he was "a guy"! Like I was supposed to be ok with the fact that he was just a guy and that it was ok for him to manipulate me into doing things that I would never ordinarily do. Needless to say I was furious! Not only had he taken advantage of me, but had manipulated me at a time when I was very vunerable. I have asked my husband not to mention anything to the OM's wife as I am still good friends with her and she is not to blame for my mistakes. She is expecting a baby this spring and I don't want to cause her any pain or stress. My husband thinks the OM struts around the neighorhood like his sh*t doesn't stink, thinking he is the big stud in the 'hood. We continue to go to family/neighborhood functions and act like nothing has gone on. The OM's wife has no idea what has taken place and I would like to keep it that way. I realize this may be selfish to some, but I have so much remorse for my actions and I want to make things work out with my husband. I truly wish this nightmare would go away. The OM's wife, thinks he walks on water and he has cheated on her before and she forgave him. I know what I have done is wrong, but I don't want to be a black sheep in my every day life, when if things are kept quiet, the situation will eventually go away. I realize that I am not being an honest friend, but in the long run, the OM's wife will be hurt more if she finds out and even worse, while she is pregnant. My husband says he has forgiven me and we have spent many hours talking this through. My problem now is how to deal with my husband's pain and his want for revenge on the OM. My husband would love for the OM's wife to find out but I honestly think that she wouldn't believe anything happened anyway and if she did, her husband would make it my fault for sure. HELP.....any suggestions?????

Posted

You say that you are "furious" that the OM manipulated you because you were "vulnerable." It doesn't sound like you are willing to take responsibility for your own behavior. You screwed up and you need to stop blaming someone else / accept responsibility before you can try to show your remorse to your husband.

 

You also say that your sister lap-danced your husband. What is THAT about? It sounds like you both have maturity and boundary issues.

 

It also sounds like things have not gotten TOO out of hand, but they will if you don't take a hard right turn. If you want things to work, cease contact with your snobby neighbor friends, and get yourselves into marriage counseling. You should also tell the OM's wife. It doesn't sound like you have the courage to do that though.

 

Affairs thrive in secrecy. Everyone involved should know the scroe.

Posted

Oh, no wonder your story sounds so familiar. Is your husband a UPS man? :laugh: This was posted here a few days ago. Honestly it sounds like the same person wrote both of these posts. Hmmmm.

 

 

 

 

UPS Man vbmenu_register("postmenu_709991", true);

New Member

 

Join Date: Feb 2006

Posts: 2

 

 

How would you make the OM pay for his crimes?

I'm looking for some suggestions on how to deal with/payback the OM. Here is my situation.....my wife and I have been married for 10 years w/2 kids. No problems - the basic two kids, white picket fence, American family. We moved into our current home in 2002. Soon thereafter my wife, trying to quickly make friends in the neighborhood, became close to the OM's wife. The OM doesn't work as he lives off the money his wife's family has. The OM's wife does work and is gone during the day. She is oblivious to the ways of the world and thinks her husband can do no wrong. My wife is a stay home mom. On a few occasions I would come home from work and the OM would be at my home, with his daughter, so that our children could play togethor. I wasn't concerned at the time because the OM didn't strike me as my wife's type at all - glasses, skinny, penny loafers, pants up to his belly button, shirt buttoned to the collar etc...

Over the next 3 years or so my wife began talking more about the OM as becoming a good friend, nice to talk to during the day etc...our families would get togethor a few times a month to hang out and I really wasn't picking up any warning signs yet. My wife and I communicate very well and it was about this time that she started mentioning that she was starting to have a some fantasies about the OM. I thought it was funny as he is so unthreatening! She told me that he was becoming more forward with her with sexual comments and touching. She assured me though that she was a big girl and could handle him and that I had nothing to worry about.

Towards the end of October of 2005 my wife's grandmother died. They were very close and my wife took it a little hard but after about a week she was OK. This was when the OM made his move. I took a few days off for the funeral and grieving but that was all I could take. During the next few weeks the OM took advantage of my wife's loss and gave her the shoulder to cry on and an ear to talk to during the day that I couldn't. I sensed something was not quite right with my wife towards the middle of December. I asked her what was going on/wrong and she came clean and told me that on three occasions the OM invited himself in to talk and they would end up making out. The last time they were togethor one thing lead to another and she masturbated him while they were kissing - in MY family room! She didn't want to "finish" him so she stopped and he "finished" himself in his hand. Then he washed his hands and left. Needless to say I was FURIOUS! Not only had he taken advantage of my wife but had manipulated her at a time when she was very vunerable. I confronted the OM at a Christmas party the next day....he denied everything. My wife asked me not to mention anything to the OM's wife as they are still good friends. The OM now struts around the neighorhood like his sh*t doesn't stink thinking he is the big stud in the 'hood. I have to go to family/neighborhood functions and act like nothing has gone on. The OM's wife has no clue and thinks he walks on water......I have forgiven my wife and have spent many hours talking this through with her. My problem now is how to deal with/payback the OM. I would LOVE for his wife to find out but honestly think that she wouldn't believe anything happened.....any suggestions?????

Posted
Oh, no wonder your story sounds so familiar. Is your husband a UPS man? This was posted here a few days ago. Honestly it sounds like the same person wrote both of these posts. Hmmmm.

 

THANK YOU! I was trying to figure out why this story was so familar too.

Posted

Sounds like a woman speaking in both posts.

 

Most MEN don't infer the way the UPS (supposedly) guy presented his scenario. Both sound like they were written by the wife.....

 

I hate deception!

Posted

I am just kind of cracking up that "both" posters are very hung up on the guy being skinny, wearing penny loafers, and having pants that went up to his belly button. :laugh:

 

I didn't know anyone still wore penny loafers, btw.

  • Author
Posted

Yes, my husband wrote a post. I wanted everyone to see things from my side of the road. Not trying to be a smartass. Just trying to get my life back as it used to be.

  • Author
Posted
You say that you are "furious" that the OM manipulated you because you were "vulnerable." It doesn't sound like you are willing to take responsibility for your own behavior. You screwed up and you need to stop blaming someone else / accept responsibility before you can try to show your remorse to your husband.

 

You also say that your sister lap-danced your husband. What is THAT about? It sounds like you both have maturity and boundary issues.

 

It also sounds like things have not gotten TOO out of hand, but they will if you don't take a hard right turn. If you want things to work, cease contact with your snobby neighbor friends, and get yourselves into marriage counseling. You should also tell the OM's wife. It doesn't sound like you have the courage to do that though.

 

Affairs thrive in secrecy. Everyone involved should know the scroe.

I am sorry for my mistakes. I am a very honest person, who took a wrong turn and is trying to get her life back, as it used to be. In a loving faithful marriage. I am trying to do so, by not hurting innocent people in the process. That's all, nothing more.

Posted
The last time the OM and I were together, one thing lead to another and I masturbated him while we were kissing - in my family room. I didn't feel right and I stopped things. He "finished" himself off in his hand. Then he washed up and left.

 

The last time they were togethor one thing lead to another and she masturbated him while they were kissing - in MY family room! She didn't want to "finish" him so she stopped and he "finished" himself in his hand. Then he washed his hands and left.

 

During the next few weeks the OM took advantage of the loss of my grandmother. He would contact me and gave me a shoulder to cry on and an ear to talk to during the days when my husband couldn't be there. The OM said ALL the right things, which only fueled an existing flame.

 

This was when the OM made his move. I took a few days off for the funeral and grieving but that was all I could take. During the next few weeks the OM took advantage of my wife's loss and gave her the shoulder to cry on and an ear to talk to during the day that I couldn't.

 

He was in NO WAy my type at all -Nerdy, glasses, skinny, penny loafers, pants up to his belly button, shirt buttoned to the collar etc...

 

I wasn't concerned at the time because the OM didn't strike me as my wife's type at all - glasses, skinny, penny loafers, pants up to his belly button, shirt buttoned to the collar etc...

 

I'm sorry, but this is obviously the same poster. Word for word, same order, same grammer and writing style. I'm locking this thread.

While the thread author can add an update and reopen discussion, this thread was last posted in over a month ago. Want to continue the conversation? Feel free to start a new thread instead!
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