NightsInWhiteSatin Posted February 16, 2006 Posted February 16, 2006 I've come to realize that i have revolved my life around my boyfriend...his life and his needs. This isn't his fault, it's mine. I havent been well and have been forced to drop things from my life to reduce stress and pressure which has given me an abundance of free time and a huge lack of social interaction...which...longterm...has kinda had bad effects. I find myself extremely lonely and cut off from the world...i find it hard to hold conversations with people unless i know them very well...i find it even harder to make friends and trust people...that's if i ever build up the courage to try...which doesnt happen. I feel a faliure and that i'm going nowhere and have become very depressed and recently gained a stone which is making me feel repulsive. As for my boyfriend, most of the time he's wrapped up in his extremely busy life. He works 7 days a week at various hours. When ever i see him it's when he's doing a gig...and the most i get is a 5 min 'hello' a short conversation on the way home and a goodbye...so really it's just watching him and not being with him. On the extremely rare rare rare occasions we get time together he's always tired and under the weather with headaches, sore throats and he's always stressed and frustrated because of his work. Im always there at a moments notice, i meet his every need. I show him love and affection constantly. I do anything he asks and more. I've been like this for several months...only ever receiving a little love and affection here and there when he has time to fit me in. I often feel very lonely when im with him because hes not got the time for me and im just sat there watching him do his job all the time and then when its done hes too tired and stressed. There are some days where he blatantly takes me for granted...well most days. I'm trying to start living my own life and stop watching him at most of his gigs and do my own thing instead. I'm thinking that if i get my own life i will benefit from it extremely mentally and physically. Also maybe i will benefit from it in our relationship as if im not constantly dedicating myself to him and im out there doing other things with out him holding my hand because im shy or scared he will feel more relieved that im not depending on him so much for everything and also at the same time he might stop taking me for granted and actually make time for 'us' instead of me having to persuade him to fit time for 'us' in his schedule. If anyone has any helpful advice, tips or comments, please please post i will appreciate it sooooooooo much. thankyou
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