Guest Posted February 16, 2006 Posted February 16, 2006 I met a wonderful woman while working abroad and in a very high stress environment. We quickly grew close and over time we became everything to one another--at least while abroad. Whenever I would bring up long term committment to her she would tell me that we were temporary and that I should not get my hopes up that things would last. This left me unsettled so I decided that, even though I loved her, I would see other people whenever I came home. Although what I did was wrong, she was dating a married man when she met me and told me on several occassions that if I cheated on her, she really wouldn't care. She said it would just mean we were not right for each other. Well, eventually we both left and came home to the US. She actually decided to move with me back to the US and be with me. When she did this, I stopped my filandering. The problem was that I felt guilty about having lied to her during our time abroad. So one day (in a classic fit of stupidity) I confessed everything. She initially took it ok and we agreed to work on things. We even got engaged and decided to go back abroad together. Fast forward about two months later and she decided (for reasons I still don't exactly understand) to cut off all contact--even though we live and work in very close proximity, in a confined environment, and see each other every day. This made me real pissed--we came back as an engaged couple--and a vicious little silent war began whereby she accused me of cheating on her, I accused her of being unforgiving and misrepresenting our relationship to others, she trashed me to my employees, and I bad mouthed her to others. The war ended dramatically about a month ago when she decided to stop attacking me. I later found out she had finally had a one night stand with someone and was trying to "move on." Apparently, he then dumped her because she was not over me. Now it's Valentine's Day and my ex-fiance and I have not spoken or emailed in months. Whenever I see her, unfortunately, my heart pretty much leaps into my throat even though we ignore each other. Our interactions towards each other (i.e. refusal to make eye contact and even greet one another) wierd out all our mutual colleagues and friends. All our mutual friends think we should talk and try to reconcile. A few days before Valentines Day, a friend of mine who works with her told me that she asked her whether I was dating anyone. The answer to that is no. I have been torn to shreds since we broke up and am incapable of being with ANYONE. The mutual friend told her I had remained single since the break-up. In any event, I broke the no contact rule on Valentines Day (upon the advice of the mutual friend) and sent her a very large flower arrangement with a long note. So everyone knows, getting flowers where I am is not an easy thing. I had the mutual friend deliver it. The friend said that my ex was grateful, she forgave me for the cheating, but that she would never get back together with me because she could never trust me again. I then saw her in the hallway that evening, and for the first time in four months she actually acknowledged my existince--she hesitatingly waived to me. I was also told that to expect a thank you email. Given all this drama, I am completely confused about how best to behave. I believe that we should communicate like adults around people, desipte all our hurt, simply because we work in such a close environment. I am not stupid enough to think she can ever take me back given what I did, but I still hold out some small hope. And if we can never be together, how do I learn to move on and get over things when we live and work together? My friends say I should sleep with someone else but that strikes me as bad advice. I cheated on my ex for months and now, because of the guilt, cannot really look at another woman. Being with someone else (even though she has) would just confirm to her that I never really cared for her at all. Has anyone been in a situation like this? Can anyone offer me any advice about my completely messed up relationship? Should I try and talk to her if her email indicates that she might communicate? Or should I just come back to the US, forget about her, and try and heal myself without her?
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