fooled Posted February 15, 2006 Posted February 15, 2006 I'm having the hardest time today - wanting to contact her - see if she's happy - see if she wants to try again. Tempted to even go on her website - but don't want to read "spending valentine's weekend with my new boyfriend" It's almost the 6 week mark - 2 weeks of NC. I don't want her the way she was obviously - this is irrational. And people don't change. I've re-read my owns posts about her, but nothing is getting through to my heart. It's getting harder - not easier It hit like Tyson today and I can't shake it - can't get anything done.
CaliGuy Posted February 15, 2006 Posted February 15, 2006 I'm having the hardest time today - wanting to contact her - see if she's happy - see if she wants to try again. Why, Fooled? This is a woman who took you for granted and treated you like crap. Why does she deserve your time? Tempted to even go on her website - but don't want to read "spending valentine's weekend with my new boyfriend" Here's a hammer, bro. Pound yourself in the head with it about 100 times. It'll will accomplish about the same thing. It's almost the 6 week mark - 2 weeks of NC. Still fresh man, still fresh. Forget about her and focus on you and your needs. Have you been to the gym? There's some hotties there that might want to rub that bald head of yours! I don't want her the way she was obviously - this is irrational. And people don't change. I've re-read my owns posts about her, but nothing is getting through to my heart. It's getting harder - not easier It's getting harder I believe because you aren't filling your free time with hobbies, fun things, exercise, etc. You're letting your mind drift back to her. Bro, you seriously need to break free of her. Every time she creeps into your mind say "No, I'm stronger than that. I don't need that b*tch in my life!" It hit like Tyson today and I can't shake it - can't get anything done. You can, you're bigger than that. You just have to want to. To will yourself to. Don't you deserve better? Sure you do. You don't miss her, you miss the companionship. Dude, you have connections you can easily get a date if you want. I know you might not be ready but spending time with friends is the best thing you can do right now. Heck if I wasn't busy tonight I'd have ya come down South and share a few beers and break some stuff. That always makes me feel better. Now where is my hammer??????
cal gal Posted February 15, 2006 Posted February 15, 2006 Fooled, I can understand that you feel vulnerable especially after coming away from a day like V-day. For you to go backwards isn't a help for you emotionally, as she doesn't seem to be able to offer things that would benefit you in any way. A partner and life time friend will lift you up and make you feel so much better about everything in your life on an everyday basis. If you can say that she will bring this to your life, then call her; if not then find someone who will. In the meantime- try to distract yourself. I hate yesterday too.....
bluechocolate Posted February 15, 2006 Posted February 15, 2006 It's getting harder - not easier Put it down to post Valentine's Day blues. I don't need to tell you not to view her website. Whenever I used to have these feelings I had a mantra about being bigger, better, stronger, faster - I was a neuro linguistic programmer before I knew such a thing even existed! I also made sure I always looked my best - worked out lots, got a haircut, that sort of thing (though I see you've already got the haircut ). Sometimes I would even go so far as actively developing a hatred for the ex, like I won't let that so-and-so control my life like this 'cause they're evil, nasty & not worthy! Might be unhealthy in the short term, but hey, whatever gets you through the night.
Author fooled Posted February 16, 2006 Author Posted February 16, 2006 Thanks, all. CG, my days' are pretty filled with work, then something planned just about every night. I can't seem to accept that she's no longer a part of my life.
CaliGuy Posted February 16, 2006 Posted February 16, 2006 Thanks, all. CG, my days' are pretty filled with work, then something planned just about every night. I can't seem to accept that she's no longer a part of my life. I get those days too but they are rare now. I'm actually enjoying my freedom and glad that I don't have the axiety anymore. I mean, I'm happy without her and I know that. I was unhappy with her because of her indifference. Ask yourself if you were with her now, knowing what you do and how she treated you, would you be happy? Probably not. Are you happy now? Maybe not as happy as you'd like to be but happier than you would be with her.
witabix Posted February 16, 2006 Posted February 16, 2006 Batten down the hatches fooled. Ride out the storm.
WeaknPowerless Posted February 16, 2006 Posted February 16, 2006 Fooled, Easier said then done, but look at the brightside of things (I'll try as well ) • You woke up this morning, like the morning before and the one before that... • You're not in an abusive situation. There are many out there being emotionally and physically abused by their partners that they are still with. • You're free of the lies/cheating/worry • All of us here are in the same boat or just getting off the damn ride. Try being strong for those who are in worse positions. Everyone feeds off strength from others. • Today was not even remotely as bad as day one of the breakup. Remember that pain and rejoice in the dulled sensastion it has become compared to that day. • There will be a tomorrow where someone beautiful is gonna wink at you and want nothing more then to start a relationship with you. Chin up man. We can't let these people keep us down.
witabix Posted February 16, 2006 Posted February 16, 2006 Fooled, Easier said then done, but look at the brightside of things (I'll try as well ) • You woke up this morning, like the morning before and the one before that... • You're not in an abusive situation. There are many out there being emotionally and physically abused by their partners that they are still with. • You're free of the lies/cheating/worry • All of us here are in the same boat or just getting off the damn ride. Try being strong for those who are in worse positions. Everyone feeds off strength from others. • Today was not even remotely as bad as day one of the breakup. Remember that pain and rejoice in the dulled sensastion it has become compared to that day. • There will be a tomorrow where someone beautiful is gonna wink at you and want nothing more then to start a relationship with you. Chin up man. We can't let these people keep us down. I would give you a rep point for this post, on so many levels you are right. Not just relationships but on life as whole. R_E_S_P_E_C_T to you my friend..... WeaknPowerless, I do not think so. This is the attitude that will see you through.
Ariadne Posted February 16, 2006 Posted February 16, 2006 Hey fooled, If you want to talk to her so much talk to her. Seems like you are torturing yourself more by NC that whatever pain you'll get by being with her. If she doesn't want to have anything to do with you, she'll let you know. Sometimes is important to talk too when you are so overwhelmed. Just don't be like, I cry myself to sleep thinking of you every night, I scream your name in the dark, every woman that I see that looks like you makes me I want to run to her and hug her and tell her I love her, or something ridiculous. Well.... just to be on the safe side and not creep her out . Ariadne
Ariadne Posted February 16, 2006 Posted February 16, 2006 Hey fooled, Tempted to even go on her website - but don't want to read "spending valentine's weekend with my new boyfriend" Hahaha... The guy that I'm in love with that is in love with his ex, was also terrified of going to her blog. So he didn't. So when I talked to him I'd give him updates like, she took the dog to another state etc. Or if her bf was mean to her and she wanted to dump him. Ariadne
Author fooled Posted February 16, 2006 Author Posted February 16, 2006 Ask yourself if you were with her now, knowing what you do and how she treated you, would you be happy? Probably not. Are you happy now? Maybe not as happy as you'd like to be but happier than you would be with her. Of course you're right - even though I'm not at all happy now, if we got back together, I would always worry if she was cheating & lying. It's just a damned if you do/damned if you don't feeling today.
CaliGuy Posted February 16, 2006 Posted February 16, 2006 Of course you're right - even though I'm not at all happy now, if we got back together, I would always worry if she was cheating & lying. It's just a damned if you do/damned if you don't feeling today. Fooled, in this case, the choice to be happy or sad is completely under your control. You can give in sadness or you can say "F-that! Life's too short to be worried over some cheap bi-atch who treated me badly. I'm not handing my happiness over to her. I'm gonna be happy come hell or high water." You can do it man. Just let go....let go of her. Forget she exists. She doesn't deserve any space in your head nor any real-estate in your heart. Time for Fooled to take care of himself. Karma will take care of her for you
cal gal Posted February 16, 2006 Posted February 16, 2006 Fooled, Where's Jen? She seems to be able to cheer you up quite easily.... Is there anyway for you to make quick contact with her as a friend to set your mind down the right path... Just a thought...
Author fooled Posted February 16, 2006 Author Posted February 16, 2006 Awwww....Jen! She's probably not home from work yet. Although you all give me strength. I'll check back in later tonight - I've recently begun boxing lessons and the class is in an hour.
jen_jen_heartbroken Posted February 16, 2006 Posted February 16, 2006 I was wondering why my nose was itching. Sorry you're having such a rotten day, Fooled. My day isn't going so well either. I woke up kicking myself for emailing him last night in moment of drunken weakness. You know, you're really on to that "damned if you - damned if you don't realization". I was thinking about that this morning on the way to work. I started playing out some scenarios in my head....trying to figure out how things would or could move forward on the rare chance that he should come begging to me for forgiveness. And the reality is that there is just no way in hell I could ever fully trust him again, which would leave me miserable. The lies, deception and cruelty were just too deep. Even if he really was committed to me, and said he would never hurt me again, there would always be nagging thoughts in my mind wondering when the other shoe would drop. The hardest thing to accept, besides that he is gone, is that even if he were here and I could find a way to forgive him, he betrayed me too much for me to forget. The more I thought about it, the angrier I got. I think I'm angriest at him for making me unable to trust him ever again...for crushing my hopes and dreams of a future together. Anger is a better emotion for me. At least anger doesn't let me sink into depression and isolation. It's better than being sad, where I begin to romanticize him again...reliving memories...and thinking I will be okay if only he would come back, when the truth is I would be just as miserable, only for even longer. I hope some of this resonates with you, or at least helps you re-focus the painful emotions you're feeling.
cal gal Posted February 16, 2006 Posted February 16, 2006 Jen, Don't let your feelings for him bring you down. Believe me I hated yesterday and still seem to hate today, which is completely out of character for me as I usually so easy going and always happy. I won't let my feelings for him ruin my day completely though. I have a lot of things to be grateful and thankful for. I think I will try to concentrate on the positive things. Maybe we should do it together, positive thoughts..... at least until fooled gets back from boxing.. he he he
jen_jen_heartbroken Posted February 16, 2006 Posted February 16, 2006 Maybe we should do it together, positive thoughts..... at least until fooled gets back from boxing.. he he he Boxing. Hmmm. Maybe I should take that up. Walking and pilates just isn't violent enough, and not cutting it for me.
cal gal Posted February 16, 2006 Posted February 16, 2006 Boxing. Hmmm. Maybe I should take that up. Walking and pilates just isn't violent enough, and not cutting it for me. Sounds fun huh? Kind of like a good anger management course???? he he
Author fooled Posted February 16, 2006 Author Posted February 16, 2006 Back from boxing. Maybe you should write your own anger letter, Jen. It made me cry like a baby for an hour, but I'm glad I got it all on paper. I'm still finding things that make me angry. You hit on one yourself - you're angry you can never trust him. I'm also angry that I have to relive the trauma in order to not miss her. That cycle sucks.
Ariadne Posted February 16, 2006 Posted February 16, 2006 Fooled, I'm having the hardest time today - wanting to contact her - see if she's happy - see if she wants to try again. So.... did you talk to her? Ariadne
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