DewMountinMix Posted February 15, 2006 Posted February 15, 2006 How do you guys think I should go about getting my ex-girlfriend back? I don't want to go into detail... I just wondered if you guys have any tips for me... I'd really appreciate it. Thx
CaliGuy Posted February 15, 2006 Posted February 15, 2006 How do you guys think I should go about getting my ex-girlfriend back? I don't want to go into detail... I just wondered if you guys have any tips for me... I'd really appreciate it. Thx Simple answer: You can't. You have to be willing to let her go completely. I mean go into strict no contact. Any attempt you make to reconcile will be met with future resistance. Her heart has to change. The best that you can do is to initiate No Contact and move on with your life. Focus on yourself and what you can do to improve in the areas you need to improve in. After months of NC you may find you don't even want her anymore. Either way you'll be better set for someone else having worked on your confidence and self-esteem. If her heart changes, she'll be the first to let you know. Ideally, that's what you want. You want HER heart to change so that you know she really wants things to work out. Any, and I mean any attempt you make to reconcile while she isn't interested will further repel her from you. So in essence, there is nothing you can do personally but let her go completely, work on yourself and whatever personal issues you have to resolve. Probably not what you wanted to hear but based on many examples here at LS, it's about the only hope you could have. That said, if you cling to hope you will delay letting go, delaying healing yourself and if someone else is to come along, you will not be ready.
Author DewMountinMix Posted February 15, 2006 Author Posted February 15, 2006 The thing is though, she says she still loves me. But she feels I dont care about her and things will go wrong in the future.
CaliGuy Posted February 15, 2006 Posted February 15, 2006 The thing is though, she says she still loves me. But she feels I dont care about her and things will go wrong in the future. Why would she say that? What did you do to make her feel that way? If she feels you don't care for her or things will go wrong in the future then you need to evaluate what you could have done better and resolve yourself to improve on those areas. I guess if my Ex told me that I would probably ask her to clarify what she meant, to be more specific and then see if it's something I am capable of correcting. Really though, you have to get to the meat of why she feels that way. You can talk till the cows come home about changing but actually doing it and maintaining the change is extremely difficult and requires the utmost discipline.
demonspawn Posted February 16, 2006 Posted February 16, 2006 you know, i respect what people say on here, NC and all that, which is good. But, just cuz u want someone back doesnt mean you typically have no chance at all, take a risk, and go for it. Admit your faults to her and what you would do to change. Get to the root of the problem or what made her think those thoughts, then with that, try and see what YOU can do to fix the problem, do what you can to show her through actions and not just words. I have had friends in the past who have gotten back with an ex gf and things actually turned out a lot better and it made them stronger, even a few who made it to marriage. In all, its really up to you and how you want to go with it, follow your heart and take care.
riobikini Posted February 16, 2006 Posted February 16, 2006 Hey, -I'm with CaliGuy, what the hell did you do to her that made her think you didn't care about her???? You know there are hundreds of ways to screw up a good thing, -but only one sure way to set it all straight: tell 'em your heart. If you care about this girl, tell her, -don't go around keeping that kind of information all to yourself. God knows, there are so many out there who need to hear something good, -and I can't think of anything that would make someone's world more 'right' than to hear that they are truly loved. Give it a try. Bet it's something you need to say to her as badly as she needs to hear it. Take care. (Smile) -Rio
CaliGuy Posted February 16, 2006 Posted February 16, 2006 Ah good old lack of communication. The #1 reason relationships fail.
Iamaprize Posted February 16, 2006 Posted February 16, 2006 For me I think. If you can accept that there is some risk to be more depreesion if you try second chance. And you did not care about it and you can handle it. I mean "It worth to risk" I have some plan for trying. I can not post the plan. I don't want any women to know this plan. If you want it, contact me by email personally. I upset that this site say "Second chance" But when I see it through. It say "No chance, you stay in NC forever, until your ex came back by herself, and neglet her again" Where is "second chance"? Why you did not try it. I mean NC still good, but it is not good forever. One day you may think that you should do something when you ready.
CaliGuy Posted February 16, 2006 Posted February 16, 2006 For me I think. If you can accept that there is some risk to be more depreesion if you try second chance. And you did not care about it and you can handle it. I mean "It worth to risk" I have some plan for trying. I can not post the plan. I don't want any women to know this plan. If you want it, contact me by email personally. I upset that this site say "Second chance" But when I see it through. It say "No chance, you stay in NC forever, until your ex came back by herself, and neglet her again" Where is "second chance"? Why you did not try it. I mean NC still good, but it is not good forever. One day you may think that you should do something when you ready. Imaprize, there are two reasons for going to no contact. 1. It gives you time to heal your heart and make you stronger. 2. It allows time for the other person to miss you and perhaps, reconsider their feelings. It is a known fact that if someone breaks up with you and continue to pressure them to get back together, it will not happen. Any time you try and force your will on to someone else it will most assuredly cause them to push you away for good and solidify their reason for breaking up with you in the first place. Sure, if they break up with you and you ask for a second chance and they say no, then accept their decision. Because continuing to cling on to them in hopes they will take you back only hurts YOU not them. They're not sitting around waiting for you to come back, they have moved on with their life. So should you. For your own good.
riobikini Posted February 16, 2006 Posted February 16, 2006 I think we're not really looking at Mountain D's point -and his dilemma...what he's saying (I believe) is that they have not even had the opportunity to give due consideration to the split, in the first place, because the problems had, apparently never been talked about. Look, it would be totally wrong to just jump up and leave a relationship and go strict NC until you, at least, had given time to discuss the problems. That's being a total effing idiot. You don't get all upset with her at dinner over something, run into the bedroom, throw all your stuff into a bag and hit the road, saying 'Well, I'm going NC until your heart and mind changes". What the f***? Look, NC is the last resort solution. Before it's used you should have tried really hard, at least once, to get to the bottom of your problems, and have sat down face-to-face to discuss them. I believe in NC...when it's properly applied. Jerks have access to everything in the world, including a pc, but 'NC' is best used by smarter, more caring, responsible people, who know they have everything they have ever cared about at stake, but, (unless) or until the main issues are resolved, it's not worth a damn. Strict NC is about accepting the relationship as being 'dead', but, because we are all thinking, feeling human beings, NC has a helluva fight in killing the hope that remains. Killing the hope is one of it's jobs. That's why it's really important to know, first, that there is nothing worth saving before going NC. -Rio
CaliGuy Posted February 16, 2006 Posted February 16, 2006 I think we're not really looking at Mountain D's point -and his dilemma...what he's saying (I believe) is that they have not even had the opportunity to give due consideration to the split, in the first place, because the problems had, apparently never been talked about. Look, it would be totally wrong to just jump up and leave a relationship and go strict NC until you, at least, had given time to discuss the problems. That's being a total effing idiot. You don't get all upset with her at dinner over something, run into the bedroom, throw all your stuff into a bag and hit the road, saying 'Well, I'm going NC until your heart and mind changes". What the f***? Look, NC is the last resort solution. Before it's used you should have tried really hard, at least once, to get to the bottom of your problems, and have sat down face-to-face to discuss them. I believe in NC...when it's properly applied. Jerks have access to everything in the world, including a pc, but 'NC' is best used by smarter, more caring, responsible people, who know they have everything they have ever cared about at stake, but, (unless) or until the main issues are resolved, it's not worth a damn. Strict NC is about accepting the relationship as being 'dead', but, because we are all thinking, feeling human beings, NC has a helluva fight in killing the hope that remains. Killing the hope is one of it's jobs. That's why it's really important to know, first, that there is nothing worth saving before going NC. -Rio I agree Rio. After I read his initial story (basing NC off of just what he said in this thread) that after communicating, if it didn't work out then he has to take care of himself. His problems appear to derive from a lack of communication. He needs to talk to her and figure out if there's a way to get the relationship back on track first. NC is only when either they have show you in some way, shape or form that it's over (ie: They're dating someone else, they refuse to reconcile or talk, etc.) It's when you know you're not getting anywhere and realize you need to take care of yourself. The problem many have is realizing where exactly that point is.
riobikini Posted February 16, 2006 Posted February 16, 2006 luvmy2ns, copy and paste your story to a new thread, and I'll respond to it....let's let DewMtnMix keep his own thread sorta exclusive to his own problem.... Ready when you are. (Smile) -Rio
Guest Posted February 16, 2006 Posted February 16, 2006 Imaprize, there are two reasons for going to no contact. 1. It gives you time to heal your heart and make you stronger. 2. It allows time for the other person to miss you and perhaps, reconsider their feelings. It is a known fact that if someone breaks up with you and continue to pressure them to get back together, it will not happen. Any time you try and force your will on to someone else it will most assuredly cause them to push you away for good and solidify their reason for breaking up with you in the first place. Sure, if they break up with you and you ask for a second chance and they say no, then accept their decision. Because continuing to cling on to them in hopes they will take you back only hurts YOU not them. They're not sitting around waiting for you to come back, they have moved on with their life. So should you. For your own good. CaliGuy.. any suggestions as to how to go NC with someone you work with on a daily basis (except quitting)?
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