clynn Posted February 15, 2006 Posted February 15, 2006 Anyone ever have a rocky start to what turned out to be a stable relationship? Perhaps take two or three kicks at the can to get going? Or something? I talked with a friend today and he said that it took a year of on and off for he and his girlfriend to get it right. I'm not sure what the particular issues were........ Please share!!!!
hurtbeyondwords Posted February 15, 2006 Posted February 15, 2006 I can say that most of my long term realtionships started a little rough. It's different for each person. how is it rocky? cheating? fighting?
Butterflying Posted February 16, 2006 Posted February 16, 2006 I had a relationship, once, that started out rocky. He was very possesive and controlling. I really didn't like him when I first met him. He had a huge ego and loved belittlng people. We argued on our first date about me having other male friends. Then we made up. I fell in love because he convinced me that I had misunderstood his true intentions, whenever I found fault with something he said or did. Over a course of 10 months, we had broken up 20 times and gotten back together. Each break up was rockier than the previous one. The final break up was very, very ugly. Other people got involved. It was horrible! Because of this, I treat relationships like building a house. If the foundation is unstable, the house will crumble.
witabix Posted February 16, 2006 Posted February 16, 2006 I had a relationship, once, that started out rocky. He was very possesive and controlling. I really didn't like him when I first met him. He had a huge ego and loved belittlng people. We argued on our first date about me having other male friends. Then we made up. I fell in love because he convinced me that I had misunderstood his true intentions, whenever I found fault with something he said or did. Over a course of 10 months, we had broken up 20 times and gotten back together. Each break up was rockier than the previous one. The final break up was very, very ugly. Other people got involved. It was horrible! Because of this, I treat relationships like building a house. If the foundation is unstable, the house will crumble. Well Butterflying I get what you said 100%. However, my current relationship has been the rockiest I have ever been in. I mean that by a several factors of magnitude. We were out last night, and talking about what happened over Christmas between us. It was f***ing horrible. I said that this is life, it happens, but we are cool now. We understand what each other thinks and feels. We know each other better. She agreed. We have been growing closer and closer. Trust has returned and strengthened. Sometimes to dig the foundations takes blood and sweat. Mutual respect and understanding is a hard won thing. In my last relationship there were almost no arguments, ever. I thought at the time that this was great but I was wrong.... She didn't shed a tear, not one single tear when I left. With her pregnancy test still lying in the trash, while I recovered from a heart attack. Bitter? Not really, she needed something I was unable to give her at the time. I am surer now that I am getting it right. I will stand up for what i think is right and I expect her to do same. Thats the only way to find out if we are compatible. Lies sotto voce, are something I wil never fall for again.
Butterflying Posted February 16, 2006 Posted February 16, 2006 I said that this is life, it happens, but we are cool now. We understand what each other thinks and feels. We know each other better. She agreed. We have been growing closer and closer. Trust has returned and strengthened, I understand you too. Actually, during all the times my XBF and I broke up and got back together, I thought it was making us stronger. Actually, it did allow us to know each other better. Unfortunately, what we learned about each other, we didn't like. There is a difference in having disagreements, or arguments, than on again/off again relationship. I think if two people are a good match, they should not break up unless it's a mature reason. In that case, they won't be getting back together anytime soon. That leads to another point. Breaking up and getting back together frequently is a sign of imaturity. It is clearly unstable. I don't want to be in a relationship without arguments. But if we break up after a few months of dating, I will accept that it will never work.
witabix Posted February 16, 2006 Posted February 16, 2006 I understand you too. Actually, during all the times my XBF and I broke up and got back together, I thought it was making us stronger. Actually, it did allow us to know each other better. Unfortunately, what we learned about each other, we didn't like. There is a difference in having disagreements, or arguments, than on again/off again relationship. I think if two people are a good match, they should not break up unless it's a mature reason. In that case, they won't be getting back together anytime soon. That leads to another point. Breaking up and getting back together frequently is a sign of imaturity. It is clearly unstable. I don't want to be in a relationship without arguments. But if we break up after a few months of dating, I will accept that it will never work. Yes, I agree, constant breakups is a sign that its too far out of whack. We have not had any break ups. We did for about 18 hours, but we still wanted and needed to talk to each other. We both knew what was at stake. There was no childishness at the crucial moments. I agree wholeheartedly with what you said. You learned that you did not suit one another, that in itself is a good thing. I hope you didn't go through too much pain to find that out. Salute to you Butterflying. Do you have daughter, that was in a bad place with her boyfriend?
Author clynn Posted February 16, 2006 Author Posted February 16, 2006 I can say that most of my long term realtionships started a little rough. It's different for each person. how is it rocky? cheating? fighting? No cheating. Not a lot of fighting. Some bickering. Some misunderstandings. Maybe just going in different directions. Maybe bad timing.
Author clynn Posted February 16, 2006 Author Posted February 16, 2006 Lies sotto voce Umm....what does this mean?
witabix Posted February 16, 2006 Posted February 16, 2006 Sotto voce = with soft voice. Those most painful of lies, the ones you believe, the ones when you remember them fill your soul with fire, unbelievable how you fell for them, unbelievable that some one would treat you that way, my own shorthand for the bitterest most horrible most deeply cutting most hurtful most pointless black painted sepulchres of soul death lies lies lies...........
Butterflying Posted February 16, 2006 Posted February 16, 2006 Do you have daughter, that was in a bad place with her boyfriend? No, I don't have any children.
witabix Posted February 16, 2006 Posted February 16, 2006 Sorry got you mixed up, there are a lot of butterflies on here,
hurtbeyondwords Posted February 16, 2006 Posted February 16, 2006 No cheating. Not a lot of fighting. Some bickering. Some misunderstandings. Maybe just going in different directions. Maybe bad timing. Have you told them this? communication is the best tool you can use. let them know how you are not happy with argueing. if you dont bring this to their attention nothing will get resolved.
blind_otter Posted February 16, 2006 Posted February 16, 2006 Have you told them this? communication is the best tool you can use. let them know how you are not happy with argueing. if you dont bring this to their attention nothing will get resolved. I think it's a bad sign if you're already talking about "the relationship" early on. I've broken up with people for this before. I mean, I thought every relationship got an intitial honeymoon period. If it only lasts a month I would be worried.
hurtbeyondwords Posted February 16, 2006 Posted February 16, 2006 I think it's a bad sign if you're already talking about "the relationship" early on. I've broken up with people for this before. I mean, I thought every relationship got an intitial honeymoon period. If it only lasts a month I would be worried. true but outside sources can affect that as well. new job, bad job, stressed, depressed etc.
StarbrightSB Posted February 16, 2006 Posted February 16, 2006 After three years my relationship is still rocky.... well is guess not rapid rocks, just gently swaying? When things are good, they are great amazing, when they are bad, I cry myself to sleep. It seems like there is never a happy medium where we arent either madly in love or at each other's throats! We've been together for 3 years.
7on Posted February 16, 2006 Posted February 16, 2006 Well if anyone has been reading my weekend post in the Rants forum you can see how rocky the relationship I'M TRYING TO START is becoming. I can't get in a 2nd date anywhere because she's been busy. We click so well at work and stuff I just have trouble picking the right time to go out with her. Eventually I'll probably do something like "You busy Friday? Well how about Saturday? How about Sunday?" but for now I try to space out my "asking out." Our first date was Feb 4th and still no 2nd but we see each other every day @ work.
Recommended Posts