jonny87 Posted February 15, 2006 Posted February 15, 2006 I saw this really cute girl at this bookstore cafe the other night. I finally got up the nerve to talk to her a couple of nights ago (well, technically. I ordered some hot chocolate and that was the extent of the conversation. I went back again tonight and all I could do again was buy something. I didn't even try to engage her in conversation. I'm way too shy. But I'm trying. My idea is to try and say something to her that's unrelated to ordering coffee or buying something. She wears a pair of Lisa Loeb-type glasses (which I find completely adorable), and I thought saying something like "Hey, I really like your glasses". I don't know. I'm reaching for anything at this point. And maybe then introducing myself and saying "I don't do this kind of thing, especially when someone is trying to work, but could I get your number and maybe call you sometime?" My question is, for any girls that have been approached at work, is this a good idea? I mean, would *you* be annoyed? The only problem is the amount of time I would have to make a good impression and make her comfortable with me before I asked for her number is limited. Any suggestions?
incognito Posted February 15, 2006 Posted February 15, 2006 Hmm...well....I would try talking to her a bit before asking for her number. If you can't chat yet...flirt a little bit and see how receptive she is first. And, I would add...I really like your glasses, they are very cute on you....or something like that....girls like compliments, even when they're working. I also don't like the way you ask for her number (but that could just be me, so take that for what it's worth) ...I think I'd be more receptive if you just said something like....I know you're working and busy but...I was wondering if I could call you sometime? i.e. ask to call, not ask for the number specifically....it is less forward and safer IMO. If she thinks you're cute and is receptive...then she'll give you her number. And personally, I wouldn't mind at all being approached at work assuming I was not in the middle of a rush and unable to talk.
Walk Posted February 15, 2006 Posted February 15, 2006 I like icognito's suggestion for asking if you can call, and not specifically for her number. On the other hand, I hate giving my number out, even if I am interested in the guy. Guess I'm just paranoid. I'd feel safer if the guy gave me his number. Solves two problems for me. 1.) If I give him my number and he calls, I don't have to guess who is calling me. (specially if I forgot his name.) And 2.) I have more control over the situation. That way if I decide later that he's psycho then I know he's not going to be able to call me twenty times a day. (I block my number usually) Like I said, I'm paranoid. Also, I've been approached at work by guys and the only time it really bothered me is when they hung around for long periods of time. I have no escape, I can't leave, I can't go anywhere. So the guy stands there for half an hour, an hour just talking and talking and talking... and I keep trying to smile, but I friggin' have work to do and he's not leaving. So, don't do that. Keep it short. If she keeps talking, then you're in. But whatever you do, do NOT start going on about how great you are, and tell her your life's story while she's working. That's just rude. And I can't believe how many guys think that's the way to pick up a girl. If you're not the "flirty" type, or are uncomfortable doing that. I really like the "I like your glasses, they look cute on you." comment. I like the understated aspect of it, more then some guy coming up to me and full on flirting with me. Especially at work. I could understand at a bar or something..
Author jonny87 Posted February 15, 2006 Author Posted February 15, 2006 Hmm, I don't know. Seems kinda "wimpy" for me to give her my number. I'd rather look more...assertive than passive I guess. Plus, what if she doesn't call? If she's really interested then she would call, I can hear you saying. But, if she was interested then it wouldn't be any problem for her to give me her number. And, I can be extremely flirty. Once I get to know someone better. That's my paradox. I can't really comfortably flirt with her until I get to know her better, and I can't get to know her better until I flirt with her some. Aaargh! I think I'm just going to swallow my pride and try to extend the conversation a little further than just "Hi, I'd like a grande {insert name of coffee here}". But, that will tough to do unless there aren't any other customers in line I guess. Hopefully my timing won't continue to stink and I can catch her at a non-busy time. Thanks.
Touche Posted February 15, 2006 Posted February 15, 2006 When I met my husband 11 years ago, I didn't give him my number. I told him I just wasn't ready to see anyone at that time. He told me that if I changed my mind I could call him and he gave me his card. Well, a week or so later, I DID change my mind and I called him. The rest is history.
incognito Posted February 15, 2006 Posted February 15, 2006 Hmm, I don't know. Seems kinda "wimpy" for me to give her my number. I'd rather look more...assertive than passive I guess. Plus, what if she doesn't call? If she's really interested then she would call, I can hear you saying. But, if she was interested then it wouldn't be any problem for her to give me her number. Thanks. Not really...right now she doesn't know you're not a crazy psycho....girls really have to be careful. I don't give my number out either so, if I guy asks for mine...I say no, but if you give me yours, I'll call you. So, I would still ask if you could call her and, if she's smart, she'll ask for yours instead, and if she likes you, she'll actually call. The point is to let her know that you're interested.
Walk Posted February 15, 2006 Posted February 15, 2006 Okay... so ask if you can call her, and if she says she doesn't want to give out her phone number then offer her yours. That way if she gets flustered or for some reason doesn't think to ask for yours then your covered. And if you continue stopping by fairly regularly (not stalkerish though), if she's skiddish about strange people, then she'll get more comforatble with you over time. And then it might be a little easier each time you see her to ask her something new each time.. or just a brief how's your day going. (and mean it.) I'm just thinking how I would react if I were this girl. It takes me a while to get comfortable enough to interact with someone one-on-one like a phone call or first date. But if I see them fairly often, and we talk a little each time, (If it's slower in there) then I'll get an overall feeling for the guy and feel more comfortable (or less comfortable) in interacting with him. I used to work in a coffee shop, and some of my closest friends I met because they first were customers there. And I ended up dating two of the guys who would come in fairly regularly. I never gave out my phone number until I knew their first name and had seen them around quite a bit. Figured if they were seriously interested, then they knew where I worked. It was also a very relaxed atmosphere there, so I wasn't constantly worried about a boss firing me for talking to someone and not doing my job, so it might be different for her. If I felt comfortable with the guy, sometimes I'd sit down with him after my shift ended and shoot the shyt for a while. Most the time they'd ask if I wanted to sit down for a while after my shift. These were guys that had been coming in for a while, I'd seen them interacting with others, gotten a feel for who they were a little. We had exchanged first names by that point, and we would ask how the other was doing... We worked up to the sitting down and shooting the shyt point is what I'm getting at. But some guys just creep you out when they are obviously there just to hit on you, and don't quit. Or flirt too much too soon. Make inappropriate comments, and won't give you the common curteousy of letting you do your job without being in your face constantly. Don't be that guy. If your not comfortable flirting, then don't. Just be yourself, but a little more outgoing. Enough to at least ask how her day's going, or comment on something you notice.
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