whichwayisup Posted February 16, 2006 Posted February 16, 2006 Great post My S. Nice to see you again.
Walking away Posted February 16, 2006 Posted February 16, 2006 I would hardly say that we, who have been involved in affairs are "truly bad people..." What about those of us who didn't know that our partners were married?
CeeJayXXX Posted February 16, 2006 Posted February 16, 2006 You mean like you are 15 and he is 50? Actually I am 32 and he is 67.....but looks to be in his late 40's. I may have come across incorrectly in my post. I do apologize. I think there are times in life when we do something we think is making ourselves happiest when it could potentially hurt others very much. I wasn't trying to look like a "bragger" by any means and don't think I have much to brag about. Nothing actually. I came to this site thinking that if I laid it on the line what my position in my relationship is then I could read back my own words along with the advice of others and finally convince myself that what I am doing should be ended. I was just trying to break the ice here as I am new.....I went about it completely the wrong way...Sorry to have offended if I did.
Walking away Posted February 16, 2006 Posted February 16, 2006 There are many OW like you that post on this site. I am one of them. Although I am doing my best to break away from my relationship with my MM, it is excruciatingly hard. I think you will find that you will get lots of advice and support on this forum. Good luck.
RedRose73 Posted February 16, 2006 Posted February 16, 2006 Knowhowlove, my ex MM is 21 years older than me & he is not an old geezer. Age has nothing to do with love. I never meant to fall in love with this older man, but i did & it was a love like i've never felt before in my life & probably never will again. I felt it, i thought it was real, for me it was, for him it was all a game. But i am glad that i experienced this deep love at least once in my life. I don't think that comment was very nice. It doesn't matter what age people are, they still fall in love regardless
cal gal Posted February 16, 2006 Posted February 16, 2006 You mean like you are 15 and he is 50? Actually I am 32 and he is 67.....but looks to be in his late 40's. I may have come across incorrectly in my post. I do apologize. I think there are times in life when we do something we think is making ourselves happiest when it could potentially hurt others very much. I wasn't trying to look like a "bragger" by any means and don't think I have much to brag about. Nothing actually. I came to this site thinking that if I laid it on the line what my position in my relationship is then I could read back my own words along with the advice of others and finally convince myself that what I am doing should be ended. I was just trying to break the ice here as I am new.....I went about it completely the wrong way...Sorry to have offended if I did. CJ- Start a thread in the OM/OW forum. You will have some very good input from folks there with a lot of insight and encouragement... be strong... you are still very young and have a whole life ahead of you.
Chump64 Posted February 17, 2006 Posted February 17, 2006 I would hardly say that we, who have been involved in affairs are "truly bad people..." What about those of us who didn't know that our partners were married? I will cut you some slack if you weren't aware that the person was married. But really, how long could that charade go on? After about the third date, wouldn't you wonder about the secrecy and overall weirdness? As I've said repeatedly, I am dealing with the fallout of a 10-year affair (I am the BS). I don't know yet if my husband is a bad person. I am trying to find that out. Is he psychotic, or just pathetic? Or am I psychotic / pathetic for staying with him? Trust me, I thought we had a good marriage and I had no idea about his double life until it was discovered by complete accident. Very few people know about this, but the few who do are just completely stunned. There was simply no indication, and everything (affair wise) happened during the work day. I would be inclined to say he made bad choices. But for 10 years straight?! I'm pretty confused. I will say that I am definitely a better person than my husband. How's that?
erika2610 Posted February 17, 2006 Posted February 17, 2006 So now OW are bad people? That's weird.. because most posts I read in here are from nice women who just made some bad choices. I don't think it's at all fair to say OW are 'bad people'.
Walking away Posted February 17, 2006 Posted February 17, 2006 I would hardly say that we, who have been involved in affairs are "truly bad people..." What about those of us who didn't know that our partners were married? I will cut you some slack if you weren't aware that the person was married. But really, how long could that charade go on? After about the third date, wouldn't you wonder about the secrecy and overall weirdness? As I've said repeatedly, I am dealing with the fallout of a 10-year affair (I am the BS). I don't know yet if my husband is a bad person. I am trying to find that out. Is he psychotic, or just pathetic? Or am I psychotic / pathetic for staying with him? Trust me, I thought we had a good marriage and I had no idea about his double life until it was discovered by complete accident. Very few people know about this, but the few who do are just completely stunned. There was simply no indication, and everything (affair wise) happened during the work day. I would be inclined to say he made bad choices. But for 10 years straight?! I'm pretty confused. I will say that I am definitely a better person than my husband. How's that? Not only did I not know that my MM was married (he lives in another state so there really was no "secrecy" or "weirdness", but he also pursued me relentlessly the entire time. I had no idea he was married. He called all hours of the day and night, visited me on weekends, flew me on business trips with him, was extremely attentive at all times. I never had a clue he was married until it was too late. And now, although it is hard for those who haven't walked in an OW's shoes to understand the complexity of it all, it is incredibly hard to walk away due to the fact that he is still pursing me with a vengeance. I am a very nice, kind person who was seduced by a man who wasn't forthright and honest. Please realize that all situations are different and it is impossible to judge someone based on her role in a very difficult situation for ALL involved.
Guest44 Posted February 19, 2006 Posted February 19, 2006 For me, it's because we're both 'older', and experienced. Also, he's the first boyfriend I've had who has been on the same wavelength as me sexually (and ditto for him). We both want the same things, fit together like a glove. He was also the first boyfriend I had where I felt a total connection in terms of our interests, passions, sense of humour... everything is just bang on. I think it takes half a lifetime to find these things... and then, it's more or less odds on that ONE of you is going to be married by that time. And rarely to eachother. Incidentally, he doesn't sleep with his wife, and there's no sneaking around for us, and no danger. So none of that applies here. SO THE WIFE KNOWS ABOUT YOU TWO AND DOESN'T CARE?
Sami_D Posted February 19, 2006 Posted February 19, 2006 So now OW are bad people? That's weird.. because most posts I read in here are from nice women who just made some bad choices. I don't think it's at all fair to say OW are 'bad people'. Bad choices don't make a bad person. And actually, I'm not sure that having an affair is necessarily a bad choice. I think it depends what the circumstances and expectations of those concerned are. And it depends on where the affair is going. It's not a blanket 'bad' choice or situation.
Sami_D Posted February 19, 2006 Posted February 19, 2006 SO THE WIFE KNOWS ABOUT YOU TWO AND DOESN'T CARE? Pardon me, but what does that have to do with how good the sex is?
No Stress Lady Posted February 19, 2006 Posted February 19, 2006 Affair sex can be extraordinary. It's sex in a champagne bubble. The hot lovers go to a luxury hotel, with a couple bottles of champagne, and fu#k their brains out. It's them, the affair partners, against the whole moral world order, Dr. Phil, their spouses and families. That's a turn-on. Affair sex can be summed up this way: When really truly great things happen to really bad people. At the end, that's all that will be left: The memories of phenomenal sex. Have fun. Well - I agree with the first statement in lots of ways - affairs themselves are often conducted within a bubble - with highly charged sex made more exciting because of the "forbidden" aspect of the situation........ However I disagree with your second statement - people who have affairs are not bad people necessarily - that's a highly judgemental viewpoint!!!!
Sami_D Posted February 19, 2006 Posted February 19, 2006 ... And many affairs aren't JUST about phenomenal sex... after all, phenomenal sex doesn't JUST come from nowhere... it comes from an attraction, a connection, and often a deep understanding built over months or years of knowing each other. It's easy to dismiss affair sex as based on the fun and excitement of the moment, but that's not the whole story, or even part of the truth often. Because look at this... there's also the 'emotional affair'... where the MM/OW are 'only' emotionally, deeply connected. But that's 'ok' because at least there's no sex. Well hello... there are plenty of affairs where it's a combination of sex and emotion. And it's THAT that makes them so potent. Sex with someone you're deeply connected to... being deeply connected to someone you really enjoy sex with. It doesn't HAVE to be an affair. It's something that happens to some people. And sometimes one or both of those people is married.
ahotmess Posted February 20, 2006 Posted February 20, 2006 I dont know the answer to that. I do know that the sex with MM got better with time. It was never bad by any means.....to be hoest it may have been mediacore in the beginning. The situation was exciting. I enjoyed his company. Our personalities totally clicked. But then eventually the sex became splendid. The best Ive ever had! And after the L word. It was always intense. I miss that, but hopefully am saving my weary heart by ending this thing.
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