Dinnj1 Posted February 15, 2006 Posted February 15, 2006 I haven't posted on LS in almost a year about my situation. Sometimes I found it harder to chat and dwell about my unhappiness... so I focused more on my business and 'others' in order to get my mind off of things. (Alphamale's idea) memba me? Long story short... very close friends with a girl for many years. We casually dated in the beginning, until she moved away. We remained close friends via email and phone. She was unhappy with the new guy in her life and eventually married him anyway. She found plenty of time to speak to me about her unhappy marriage when she was feeling down and always dropped hints of her feelings and past feelings for me. Two years ago, things changed when she and I confessed our love for each other during one of her 'down times'. It was then, when she gave me the 'boot'. A year later, we were talking again.. she was speaking of divorce, and had moved out on her own, invited me to spend time with her since we haven't seen each other for almost 4 years, love was confessed again along with talk of her divorce getting started. Immediately after my visit, she disappeared again after an "I'm sorry, my husband and I are gonna work things out" email. This is when I found LS... a little over a year ago. During the past year and a half, I only sent a few emails... short and sweet ones.. "Happy Mother's day", "Happy birthday" etc, with no responses. (after all, she's married, I wasn't gonna pursue anything serious) I gave up for almost 5 months and focused more on myself...my family and dating. But never truly finding happiness or closure. It was about 3 months ago, when I wrote her a long email, stating that I have forgiven her for what she had done to me and everything she had said to me but couldn't act on. I felt good about myself for the first time in awhile. The next day, I got a response. Turns out, NOTHING had changed in her life... and only got worse with her husband. She was in the middle of filing for divorce again. Emails turned to everyday phone calls. She even considered moving closer to my area... traveled to AND stayed at my place while looking at some real estate. (No, I wasn't there, I was out of town when she decided to come visit, (probably for the best)) She loved the area. Now, I'm noticing some changes... she's becoming very distant. She went from everyday talking to completely blowing off phonecalls and txt's until SHE want's to respond. (Not normal for her... short tempered/attitude) I haven't spoken of feelings for her or anything... just trying to make conversation and showing kindness cause I'm concerned about her and everything she's goin' through. She moved out again, telling me it's a temporary move till she decides where to buy a house... cause her area is too expensive. (She's NOT getting back with her husband again) I do know this much. The divorce process has started and is getting ugly. He's fighting everything... courts, lawyers... etc. I guess my question is... She use to find comfort talking to me, that's obvious, but why not now? What could she be goin' through??? In her head? Heart and mind? Would ANY kind of contact from me seem like pressure to her? Maybe just trying to get this divorce over with??? This time last year, she was in her apartment calling me EVERYNIGHT to talk about things. Now she's in the apartment and I haven't heard much at all. Emotionally and romantically, this girl is off limits... understood. Should I flip on the NC to turn this distance around? NC... hate it... Two girls won't leave me alone and I ignore em'... and the one I DO want to call, calls on her time and makes me feel like I'm beggin' her too.... I'm annoyed.
riobikini Posted February 15, 2006 Posted February 15, 2006 Listen, I've been through the divorce thing...she's got her hands full. Understand that. And if you're blowing hints that you could be dating other people, and you're just looking for someone to unhook you from the nail that caught the seat of your pants, -here ya go. You're free to date. I make no apology for the brevity of my reply to you, the right answer was just too obvious. -Rio
Author Dinnj1 Posted February 15, 2006 Author Posted February 15, 2006 well, of course I'm free to date... that is the obvious. Just think it's funny how true it is... that when the ones you don't want, want you. And the one you DO want to get closer to, no longer wants to when she/he finally knows he/she has you wrapped. I suppose my being annoyed and babbling could be easily misunderstood. The real question would be, how or what can I do to keep this girl from feeling any kind of pressure from me. We talked everyday, 2-3 times a day, then out of the blue she woke up one morning (literally) and said "We DON'T have to talk everyday or email everyday..." was quite mean about it too... with no explanation. Now she comes and goes as she pleases... calls me back 2-3 days later... very different from answering on the first ring like before. I'd like to keep her in my life without pushing her away. Ive never been married, therefore never have had to go through a divorce/ movin' out/ a child... so I have no clue what kind of stress she's under or what buttons I may be pushing.
riobikini Posted February 15, 2006 Posted February 15, 2006 There's a helluva divorce going on. She's in emotional overload, -and you have been relocated, for the present, to a lesser-priority location on her 'hot list'. Secondly, she's no doubt in physical overload, as well. Look, if she had the amount of energy available that would adequately satisfy you, she would, instead re-allocate that energy and spend time with her children, clean her house, shave her legs, or maybe just crash on the sofa and sleep for hours. If you want to remain in the picture, make yourself useful. Ask her what she needs done, -listen to her well, and do it. She could use the help and strength of a man, right now, -not a wandering, whining child. -Rio
Author Dinnj1 Posted February 16, 2006 Author Posted February 16, 2006 -not a wandering, whining child. that's just wrong... but I can take it. Believe me, she's not seeing the 'hopeless romantic' or the 'whining' side of me. When she calls, I'm cool with her... asking how her day is... work.. her son. blah blah blah. She's definately spending more time with her son... (which I requested of her) Her son will always come first and I totally respect that. I'd be an idiot not too. As far as the emotional overload... I agree with you, but she denies it. Says she's totally fine... (uh huh). She's been putting this 'end' off for a long time, so she's pretty much numb. But I agree with you in the fact that how can she NOT be a mess during this time. Lawyers, court costs, arguing, house to an apartment... son... school. She hasn't asked me for anything... kinda wish she would. I offer everything... help, time, a shoulder, money, even offered to fly her and her son here with me for a little r&r, time off from the stress.... but she's too proud. So I'm jujt gonna let her do her thing... and not pester her. She knows how to reach me. thanks Rio-
riobikini Posted February 16, 2006 Posted February 16, 2006 All your points are well-taken. I offer apologies wherever needed. Truly. Now, about 'offering' that help....just do it. You already know she's a proud one, -she's not going to take you up on your offer if you ask her. But she may look at you in a completely different light if you just do it. (Smile) -Rio
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