bones1 Posted February 15, 2006 Posted February 15, 2006 Well, long story short, I am in a long distance relationship with a girl a bit younger than me.. I am 30, she is 24. We have chatted online for years, met, and hit it off on some levels. Passion, is there, attraction, etc, but there are a few thing she does I cannot stand. Our way of communicating these days is chatting online. And the other day,once again, we had the same type of arguement. She asks me if I love my dad, etc. I said yes, he is my only remaining parent, and as I get older realize he is perhaps the only person in the world i could trust. She instantly got quiet, asked if that means I cannot trust her. I said no, I am speaking about something different. She then said she had to go, and did not want to discuss it further. I said I would like to explain, and she said she doesnt want to hear it, we can talk another time. Does anyone else hate this style of communication as much as me? Just being left and ignored? Also, if i just let it go completely, she then contacts me as if nothing was ever said, and these things never get resolved or understood. So, hours later she is online again, and still mad at me. I asked what she was up to, and she said none of my business. She then would not respond to anymore of my ims. Since she seems to do this quite often, and over the smallest things, I also start to say some things, letting her know I am not sure if I can continue this type of relationship.. Anytime she gets upset, she walks away, blocks me on the internet, ignores me etc. Does this seem to be very controlling on her part? I mean she has makes it a habit to start a topic, let me know she is upset, then completely cut me off and tell me she will not talk about it. Immature? Overly sensitive? Or perhaps I am just rude, and need to be more understanding?
bluechocolate Posted February 15, 2006 Posted February 15, 2006 Does anyone else hate this style of communication as much as me? Just being left and ignored? I would hate it, but I've never put up with being treated like that. Immature? Overly sensitive? Yep. And how about controlling, manipulative and emotionally stunted? Since she seems to do this quite often, and over the smallest things,..... Or perhaps I am just rude, and need to be more understanding? Open, direct & honest communication in a long distance relationship is pretty much all you have. So what have you got here?
curiousnycgirl Posted February 15, 2006 Posted February 15, 2006 It's totally passive aggressive and in my opinion totally inappropriate. She sounds like a child that hears something they don't like so they cover their ears, close their eyes and start singing a song. Communication is key in any relationship - that includes discussing things you may not want to hear. Personally I think she is immature and not ready for a relationship. Sorry
loveheart59 Posted February 15, 2006 Posted February 15, 2006 Common give the girl an effing break! Everybody has different personalities. Sensitivity is a sign of insecurity which signifies how mush she cares about you:love: . For people who are sensitive the way certain things are worded is hurtful. I dont believe you should walk around on tippytoes but just think about some of the stronger things you say. For instance when you are very young you make no bones about who is your best or favourite friends and tell anybody but as you get older you discover tact. If you had a friend now who really likes you but you dont really feel close to them, you dont say "I have this other friend and I trust them with my absolute life. I would NEVER tell anyone anything secret except this SPECIAL friend (who isnt YOU)" . Or maybe you do but it would hurt this other person if they want to have that kind of trust with you. Plus trust is very important in relationships. If you look back at your comment to her you will see how a sensitive person who likes you a lot would interpret it as " My Dad is the only person I could ever trust, no-one including you could ever come close to it" Best thing to do is reassure her in some way so you break the cycle of questions and answers like maybe " In the future I can see myself being able to trust you if we became stronger and closer...". It doesnt matter how vague it sounds, as long as it suggests she has some chance of getting there:) .
loveheart59 Posted February 15, 2006 Posted February 15, 2006 The best way to get rid of annoying little isecurities are a few compliments once in a while;)
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