SciGirl Posted February 15, 2006 Posted February 15, 2006 In 2002, I dated a guy from college for 8 months. We were pretty serious. We even talked about marriage. But then he became a little over bearing. He was always around, from when I woke up to when I went to bed. Then, I left school because school pressure was getting to be too much. I lived only 45 mins away and visited a lot, so I didn't see it as that big of a deal. However, he wanted to leave too. He was talking about moving in with my parents and I since we have a big house. The deal was he had to work and help finish a room in the house. Then, his parents found out and he suddenly turned on me making the whole idea mine when he first brought it up. I couldn't handle his parents being mad at me and we broke up. I tried getting over him by seeing someone else, which turned out to live with a friend he never introduced me too (whoops). I know I really hurt him. He changed a lot to distance himself from me. We didn't talk for about a year, Afterwards, when we did, sometimes he would break down and be the old guy I knew. He said he missed me and still thought about me often. I thought about him too and questioned if it was a mistake to have ended it in the first place. Then, he went away for the weekend with the guy I saw after him. When he came back, he was a totally different person. He told me he was an a**h*** now and wanted to stay that way. I was so confused. Then, he brought up a bunch of other stuff about him, his future, his life. I had no idea where it was coming from and he was really beating himself down. I told him he was a good guy and if he had other aspirations he should pursure them instead of feeling trapped where he was. I couldn't tell if the conversation was pointed at me or if it was him dealing with other things. But I knew he was angry and was getting pressured to not talk to me by his friends. So, we didn't talk for a while. That was Spring. When we talked again the next Fall, he was short, but told me he had a gf(she went to a college 4 hours away). I told him I was happy for him. He was acting like my old bf and even apologized for our last conversation. So, here's my problem - I'm coping during the day. I'm really fine. Sometimes I miss him, but I think it might be because he was the first and only guy I've ever really loved. However, night is a different story. I have atleast 5 dreams about him during the month. Sometimes it's more. This has been happening for three years and increasingly since. There was a month when it was 3 dreams a week. How do I cope with this? I want these dreams to go away. Anyone have any experience with this? SciGirl
funkify Posted February 15, 2006 Posted February 15, 2006 Yes, I've been going through tough times dealing with my ex especially bc I know there is another woman in his life. I have nightmares that are so real they plauged my thoughts during the day. And the worst thing is, I have no control over when they happen. But, one thing you may be able to control is your mood when you go to bed. I know if I'm depressed when I go to bed, I'm sure to have a bad dream. I just put on an episode of my favourite tv show that makes me laugh heaps - that seems to help. If you've had a bad dream and still thinking about it during the day, try to get your mind to snap out of it. Go and talk to your workmate/friend about something unrelated, get into a book (no soppy stuff or self-help books), Put your favourite dancy music on, the list goes on. Personally, my never-fail trick is to sing. Singing is fantastic therapy. Music can be very healing - have a look at why music therapy is so successful. I know it's hard, but the memories are still buried in your self-conscious and you need to start replacing them with new 'happy' ones. Hope you feel better soon. let me know how it goes
Author SciGirl Posted February 15, 2006 Author Posted February 15, 2006 Yes, I've been going through tough times dealing with my ex especially bc I know there is another woman in his life. I have nightmares that are so real they plauged my thoughts during the day. And the worst thing is, I have no control over when they happen. But, one thing you may be able to control is your mood when you go to bed. I know if I'm depressed when I go to bed, I'm sure to have a bad dream. I just put on an episode of my favourite tv show that makes me laugh heaps - that seems to help. If you've had a bad dream and still thinking about it during the day, try to get your mind to snap out of it. Go and talk to your workmate/friend about something unrelated, get into a book (no soppy stuff or self-help books), Put your favourite dancy music on, the list goes on. Personally, my never-fail trick is to sing. Singing is fantastic therapy. Music can be very healing - have a look at why music therapy is so successful. I know it's hard, but the memories are still buried in your self-conscious and you need to start replacing them with new 'happy' ones. Hope you feel better soon. let me know how it goes How long have your dreams been happening? I've had three years and plenty of other happy times to drown out my relationship with him. It's usually not until these dreams pop out of nowhere that I feel sad about him.
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