noclobber Posted February 14, 2006 Posted February 14, 2006 I had asked out this girl last year but she said she only likes me as a friend.. we are continuing as good friends now and meet up for lunch and/or coffee every single day.. today she didn't invite me for lunch nor is she responding to my emails.. do you guys think its b'cos of V-Day? i am not able to put a finger to it but i just feel angry and disgusted with her behavior. i really don't think its a good idea to continue my friendship with this woman... darn it.
Touche Posted February 14, 2006 Posted February 14, 2006 Yes, friends can meet on this day but she knows you really want more. I think she didn't want to send you a mixed message by meeting with you today.
Lil Honey Posted February 14, 2006 Posted February 14, 2006 You have no idea what is going on that she hasn't answered your emails. She could be out. She may not have read them yet. She may have been called away for some reason. If her email is like mine, some won't get to her until tomorrow. How many of them did you send? If she sees you as a friend and you are sending her multiple emails, she may need some space. She might interpret multiple emails as you pressuring her. If you are thinking about discontinuing your friendship with her solely because she hasn't answered your emails, then maybe you should. Friends don't retaliate. It's obvious that your feelings for her are greater than friendship. She might see it, too.
Author noclobber Posted February 14, 2006 Author Posted February 14, 2006 Yes' date=' friends can meet on this day but she knows you really want more. I think she didn't want to send you a mixed message by meeting with you today.[/quote'] so its okay to meet every single day but today she doesn't need me?
Author noclobber Posted February 14, 2006 Author Posted February 14, 2006 You have no idea what is going on that she hasn't answered your emails. She could be out. She may not have read them yet. She may have been called away for some reason. If her email is like mine, some won't get to her until tomorrow. How many of them did you send? If she sees you as a friend and you are sending her multiple emails, she may need some space. She might interpret multiple emails as you pressuring her. If you are thinking about discontinuing your friendship with her solely because she hasn't answered your emails, then maybe you should. Friends don't retaliate. It's obvious that your feelings for her are greater than friendship. She might see it, too. nope i didn't pressure her... usually its the other way round. she will send me an email and if i don't respond in 1 hour she will send another email. again if i don't reply she will give me a call. that's how persistent she is to see me for lunch every day. but today she is silent! i just sent her one email... that's it. i am not saying that i am going to discontinue my friendhship just because she didn't respond to my email. its just that i feel offended by her behavior. she wants to be with me every other day but today she doesn't need me????? i am not sure how to exactly say this but i just kinda feel bad and ignored..
Author noclobber Posted February 14, 2006 Author Posted February 14, 2006 Maybe somebody asked her out for lunch? then don't you think she shud atleast have the courtesy to respond to my email and say "hey i am going out with someone.." ????
Touche Posted February 14, 2006 Posted February 14, 2006 then don't you think she shud atleast have the courtesy to respond to my email and say "hey i am going out with someone.." ???? Yes, you're right about that. That was kind of rude on her part. Maybe she has a good reason. Give her the benefit of the doubt until you know the truth.
Author noclobber Posted February 14, 2006 Author Posted February 14, 2006 Yes' date=' you're right about that. That was kind of rude on her part. Maybe she has a good reason. Give her the benefit of the doubt until you know the truth.[/quote'] Thankx Touche' See the thing that irritates me is, this girl wants to meet me for lunch every single day (this is how it has been for the past 4 months)!!!! if i don't respond to her email then she will send one more and then a text message will follow and then a phone call.. she is that persistent!! i don't mind hanging out with her, i enjoy her company.. but when she avoids me on v-day it kinda makes me question her behavior. yeah, i just sent one email.. that's it. let me wait to hear from her.
Touche Posted February 14, 2006 Posted February 14, 2006 You're welcome. And yes, all you can do is just wait to hear what she has to say and then go from there.
Walk Posted February 14, 2006 Posted February 14, 2006 Geez Clobsy... **Still wishing I could read people's minds** I get where you're coming from, I think. Friends should be there for you, even on Valentines day. (Unless they specifically have the day planned for a SO) But for her to hound you constantly when you had specifically asked for space from her. To beg you to have lunches with her. Go places with her all the time. And still insult you while right in front of you.... (She's not good for you noclobber... She's drains you.) And now she avoids you on V-day... I don't get that. She may honestly be tied up with something. Or having a problem at work. Lot of people take half the day off today, so maybe she got stuck with a ton of work and can't get back to you yet. It may all be explainable, so don't jump to assumptions yet. Just realize that you won't be meeting up with her today, and carry on with life from there. Don't get hung up on this. She's definitely not the it and the all... even if she thinks she is. I think though, if she doesn't have a reason for not getting back to you, or doesn't get ahold of you later... then it's time you write her off. She knows you didn't have a SO to spend the day with, and a good friend would want to hang out with you. Or maybe that's just me talking.. I just know it sucks to be alone on v-day, and if I knew one of my friends wanted to hang out with me then I'd be happy to be there for them. No matter the gender. She's already made it abundantly clear she has no interest in dating you. And she's the one that hounded you when you had asked for space and time away. She's the one that wants so badly to keep you as a "friend". If that is so, then she should be willing to spend an hour with you on one of those days that's really hard for people when they are alone. That's my thought on it. I know you've got a big heart Clobsy... but she seems like she's draining the spirit out of you. You used to be perpetually upbeat on here, and ever since she told you she just wanted to be friends you've seemed a lot more bitter, and unhappy. I just can't help but think that if she weren't there as a constant reminder, then maybe you could be free to find a woman who will be wonderful for you. **Hugs** Any consolation, I'm sitting in a dark house, alone, with no one returning my calls today. Typeing on LS 'cause I'm a pathetic loser with no one who loves me. The joys of valentines day. Gotta love it. :sick:
Author noclobber Posted February 14, 2006 Author Posted February 14, 2006 Thanks for the beautiful reply Walk! You are always right on... Some of the posters had replied it might be due to the fact that she doesn't want to give mixed messages by meeting me today... Even if that is the fact I kinda have this weird grumpy feeling... you know... something that you can only feel but not express.... I mean its like "i need you every day but today is a no no...". I have a feeling that I am being used.... dunno... i am confused... yup this woman is causing more and more headaches.... if she was in the office and still chose not to respond then i swear that i am going to cut her off!
Walk Posted February 15, 2006 Posted February 15, 2006 Kind of a feeling of being let down, almost (not quite the right word) betrayed, slighted, angry...? Feeling shoved aside when it's convienent to her? Those kind of feelings? Maybe she has amnesia, and can't call you because she forgot who she is? Sorry.... I'm not helping. I'm too pessimistic right now to be much help at cheering someone up.
Author noclobber Posted February 15, 2006 Author Posted February 15, 2006 Feeling shoved aside when it's convienent to her? Precisely!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Sorry.... I'm not helping. I'm too pessimistic right now to be much help at cheering someone up. It's okay Walk. Just to hear from you is enough to lift me up
mrB2006 Posted February 15, 2006 Posted February 15, 2006 Cheer up NoClobber... I know how you feel.... I sent an 'ecard' to my 'friend'....The website I sent it from told me that she read it late last night....Nothing back from her as of yet. I will give it till the weekend to get a reply....If I don't hear back, then this whole 'friend' thing will be history....Yes, I will still be friends, but my contact will be less. At least she could have done was reply with a mild-thank you. But nothing. Zip. Zilch. Nada. My life is too short to worry about one gal....Oh, what fools will do for love! MrB
whichwayisup Posted February 15, 2006 Posted February 15, 2006 At least she could have done was reply with a mild-thank you. But nothing. Zip. Zilch. Nada. My life is too short to worry about one gal....Oh, what fools will do for love! Try not to read into that. I have sent out ecards to friends and even family too, and afew of them never wrote to say thanks. Some minds don't work like ours...I mean, how hard is it to hit reply and say THANKS! Give it afew days and see what happens.
Author noclobber Posted February 15, 2006 Author Posted February 15, 2006 ok guys... so she didn't reply to my email that i had sent in the morning... i sent one more in the evening to meet for coffee.... no reply again.. today morning, as usual, she sent me an email and asked for lunch. i asked whether she was in the office yesterday.... and guess what???? she said "yup". its crystal clear now that she deliberately avoided me....... on valentine's day..... i hate this...... i am gonna pull back.....
loony Posted February 15, 2006 Posted February 15, 2006 ok guys... so she didn't reply to my email that i had sent in the morning... i sent one more in the evening to meet for coffee.... no reply again.. today morning, as usual, she sent me an email and asked for lunch. i asked whether she was in the office yesterday.... and guess what???? she said "yup". its crystal clear now that she deliberately avoided me....... on valentine's day..... i hate this...... i am gonna pull back..... Your friend is an idiot and you definitely should pull back. Her not meeting you yesterday was a clear sign that she knows how you feel about her, yet she insists that you should stay friends despite your feelings. To me this is a very selfish behavior. If you know that someone wants more and you are not willing to give more and the person tells you that they need space to heal, then you let them go and heal. You don't pull them back and tell them that you want them in your life. Be pissed off and use this anger to step away from her, she is not doing you any good. She could have easily invented an excuse for yesterday if she really felt uncomfortable with meeting you, but her answer can only be described as lame.
Author noclobber Posted February 15, 2006 Author Posted February 15, 2006 Your friend is an idiot and you definitely should pull back. Her not meeting you yesterday was a clear sign that she knows how you feel about her, yet she insists that you should stay friends despite your feelings. To me this is a very selfish behavior. If you know that someone wants more and you are not willing to give more and the person tells you that they need space to heal, then you let them go and heal. You don't pull them back and tell them that you want them in your life. Be pissed off and use this anger to step away from her, she is not doing you any good. She could have easily invented an excuse for yesterday if she really felt uncomfortable with meeting you, but her answer can only be described as lame. Thanks Loony! I just met her now for lunch and asked her whether she got my emails yesterday... She said yes and sorry that she couldn't reply b'cos she was super-busy.... She was also able to see from my face that something was wrong and asked me about it... I just kept dodging and at one point she asked "are you angry that i didn't reply to your emails?"... i said no.... obviously i cannot say "well i am angry with you b'cos i think you deliberately avoided me yesterday b'cos it was Valentine's day"... i don't know what to do b'cos i am not sure how correct my assumption is. was she really busy yesterday? or she didn't want to see me b'cos of valentine's day? if its the former then i am okay with it but if its the later then i think i am being used....
Walk Posted February 15, 2006 Posted February 15, 2006 I really, really like to give people the benefit of the doubt noclobber, and normally that would be my advice to you.... but she didn't reply ALL day. I don't think I've ever had an instance in my professional life where I've been so busy I hadn't had time to respond to an email. Even just to say "I'm really busy, will respond later." Click send. Does she have email access at home? Or does she not normally check that after work? I'm not sure what advice to give. Guess there's about three options you could choose from... Either confront her on this, and don't let her get out with some lame excuse and weak apology. Or refuse to meet with her anymore, cut all contact with her. Or bury the feelings and continue meeting her for coffee. I wouldn't recommend the third option. Eats people up inside to do that. I think if you cut contact with her then she's going to stalk you and harrass you. hmm... she's not right in the head Clobsy. You're probably going to come out of it with something damaged no matter what you choose. Find the one that works best for who you are, and don't back down to her, or let her swindle her way into getting what she wants all the time. She just wants you to always be there for her. But she hasn't cared to return the same respect to you. And I think that's the biggest aspect in all this. She doesn't respect you. Not your feelings, or boundaries you've attempt to set with her.
Author noclobber Posted February 15, 2006 Author Posted February 15, 2006 I really, really like to give people the benefit of the doubt noclobber, and normally that would be my advice to you.... but she didn't reply ALL day. I don't think I've ever had an instance in my professional life where I've been so busy I hadn't had time to respond to an email. Even just to say "I'm really busy, will respond later." Click send. Does she have email access at home? Or does she not normally check that after work? I'm not sure what advice to give. Guess there's about three options you could choose from... Either confront her on this, and don't let her get out with some lame excuse and weak apology. Or refuse to meet with her anymore, cut all contact with her. Or bury the feelings and continue meeting her for coffee. I wouldn't recommend the third option. Eats people up inside to do that. I think if you cut contact with her then she's going to stalk you and harrass you. hmm... she's not right in the head Clobsy. You're probably going to come out of it with something damaged no matter what you choose. Find the one that works best for who you are, and don't back down to her, or let her swindle her way into getting what she wants all the time. She just wants you to always be there for her. But she hasn't cared to return the same respect to you. And I think that's the biggest aspect in all this. She doesn't respect you. Not your feelings, or boundaries you've attempt to set with her. Thanks Walk... there have been instances where she has done the same thing... not replying at all to my emails the whole day. and i have already told her that i don't like it. but i do know for sure that her work-load has tremendously increased (i have another friend that works in the same office). and she has apologized profusely whenever she missed replying to my emails.... yesterday was unusual b'cos it coincided with Valentine's day... that's the thing that gives the twist to this dilemma... you have very clearly elucidated the options i have. if i cut it off she is going to stalk me, that's for sure... no doubt about that. i had an interview with another company in SFO today morning. when i told her about that the first thing she asked was "can we still meet for lunch?", i said the new company is quite far and she said "well we can take the train and meet for lunch". that's how persistent she is in seeing me! i can't make anything out of this.... this is the woman that said she has no feelings for me..... so given this situation i got to do something that is gray.... not something that is clear as black or white... i am just gonna distance myself and if she ever asks i am going to throw back the same excuse she gave me - "i am very very busy". let her keep guessing what i am upto... i don't care. in this way i can back off and not break the friendship as well... and by March i am done with my contract. i am off to India on a 1 month vacation... and when i come back i got to look out for new contracts... and it may not necessarily be in SFO. i guess things will come to a natural end this way... gosh... what a mess... never met a woman like this!
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