We do it to ourselves and each other

[Lil Honey]

When I stopped to really think about people being troubled and getting hurt, I realized that we do it to ourselves and each other. We let it happen, turn the other cheek . . . or a blind eye . . .

 

You are wondering what the He11 I'm talking about . . . again . . .

 

Please remember that I'm fully aware that not ALL men and ALL women do these things . . .

 

Some women will pose for porn. That creates a feeling in men that women

should be like that. It creates a feeling in the women that don't do that, that they don't look sexy enough. Men spend more time with the pictures than they do with their real partner.

 

Some men will take advantage of a women. That creates a feeling in women that they can't trust men, that men are out to play them. It also creates the idea in young men that if their older brother/uncle can do it, so can they.

 

Women will make a man pay for child support, but won't let him see his kids. Or the courts will make a man pay for a child that isn't even his. On the flip side, there are men who won't pay for their kids. Men and women use their kids as pawns and that is really sad.

 

The media get increasingly more daring with sexual content. Sex sells. But what is it doing to our kids? The media show rail-thin models. And that tells men that those are "ideal" women and it tells women that they have to strive to look like that. Everywhere you look, people are partnered up as though a person is a freak if they aren't half of couple - as if men NEED women and women NEED men. That teaches our kids that they aren't complete without someone else.

 

Then you have the government spending money like there is no tomorrow. You have executives cheating the system. In fact, people from all walks of life are cheating some system. Companies are spoiling their employees (hourly, salaried and execs) to the point where people think they are owed and guaranteed a job.

 

People have a sense of entitlement and when they don't get their way, the Civil Rights groups show up. People hide behind "rights," saying what they want when they want. It doesn't matter how it will affect someone else (primarily the kids). Doing what is right is old-fashioned. If a person speaks up, they run the risk of "hurting someone's feelings" regardless that the person is doing something socially unacceptable.

 

Parents don't parent anymore. With little (or no pressure) teens can get to the mall half-dressed, be out all hours of the night, and then parents wonder why there is trouble. It is "cool" to strive to be less than you are.

 

People don't put a stop to bad behavior from others. When I was going to school last year, I was amazed how a boyfriend and girlfriend sitting behind me were talking to each other. He said something to the effect that she "better" do X and then called her a b1tch. I turned around and told her that if anyone talked to me like that, he'd not only be doing X himself, but I'd stand up and walk out. What is up with people just taking abuse? Does she need that guy so desperately to put up with that? I doubt it.

 

If more women would stop and say, "No, I'm not putting up with that crap," maybe more men would see that they can't get away with it and change their behavior. Man B would see that Man A wasn't successful at getting the girl, which isn't cool, so he won't duplicate it.

 

Now, I know that there is something to be said about chemistry, etc., but when I look around here, I see the possibility that perfectly good partners are being tossed aside because he isn't tall enough or because her boobs aren't big enough. Or someone didn't call within some unspoken two day deadline. Good grief! These aren't the things that make a long-lasting relationship last a long time.

 

People are in such a hurry to get laid or just be able to say, "I have a boy/girl friend," that they don't spend the time necessary to get to know the other person enough (as another human being) to promote a long relationship.

 

People can't be trusted anymore. What happened to that? When I was little, us kids were told that if we were in trouble, to find a police officer. I never told my kids such a thing, because so many can't be trusted. The same with teachers. Now, there is another priest (in Michigan) who has been accused of molesting a few boys. I really don't know what makes a parent think to leave their kids anywhere alone. People can't be trusted simply because they have a title.

 

I won't even get into children being placed in foster care, through a system that can't be sure they are safe.

 

I'm just saddened by the do-unto-others-but-they-better-not-do-it-to-me mentality. Somehow, somewhere, sometime people will need to step up to the plate and take a stand.

[ponder24]

You should run for president,,,and I am not joking We really need more people around here with your views and ethics.

[SmoochieFace]

Excellent post, LH. I agree with all of it.

[Outcast]

There was a dude a couple thousand years ago tried to persuade folks to be nicer to each other. They didn't take it well.

 

Moral of the sad story is that it was ever thus. You do the best you can to try to bring kindness to people but it's pretty hard on the system to hope that change will take place in mass quantities.

 

Remember poor old Noah trying to find one just man? It's sad, because love and kindness are much better feelings and much better ways to live - but people have issues and those issues cause them to be wrapped up in themselves and inconsiderate of others.

[SmoochieFace]

There was a dude a couple thousand years ago tried to persuade folks to be nicer to each other. They didn't take it well.

 

Moral of the sad story is that it was ever thus. You do the best you can to try to bring kindness to people but it's pretty hard on the system to hope that change will take place in mass quantities.

 

Remember poor old Noah trying to find one just man? It's sad, because love and kindness are much better feelings and much better ways to live - but people have issues and those issues cause them to be wrapped up in themselves and inconsiderate of others.

 

People also have the power of choice. We can choose how we live in a moral sense.

[blind_otter]

There was a dude a couple thousand years ago tried to persuade folks to be nicer to each other. They didn't take it well.

 

Moral of the sad story is that it was ever thus. You do the best you can to try to bring kindness to people but it's pretty hard on the system to hope that change will take place in mass quantities.

 

Remember poor old Noah trying to find one just man? It's sad, because love and kindness are much better feelings and much better ways to live - but people have issues and those issues cause them to be wrapped up in themselves and inconsiderate of others.

 

IMO it's not just about issues, although that is a biggie. It's the basic fact that different people from different cultures have different values. The basic ones are pretty similar, but there is this myopic view of differing people and cultures in the West. We recognize it intellectually, yet still have some strong reactions to different values.

 

I agree with some of the things in LH's post, some of the things aren't a huge issue to me, some of them I see as normal consequences of the human condition that are ultimately unavoidable in each person's search for meaning.

 

But mostly I feel that the impulse the feel responsible for the mistakes of others, although strong, isn't something that can bring anyone any happiness or fulfillment. In fact it probably just results in personal frustration.

 

If we all did what we were supposed to, the world would be great. But we'd also have fewer opportunities to learn. And it would be nice to insure that each individual has a loving home, proper nutrition, and a good education - but this has never been a guarantee for anyone.

[Lil Honey]

Outcast: I understand, but I feel like there is something in the water or air that cause so many people to be so . . . so . . . irresponsible and greedy.

 

It wasn't like this when I was young. Maybe it wasn't reported the same way or as much. I dunno.

[blind_otter]

Outcast: I understand, but I feel like there is something in the water or air that cause so many people to be so . . . so . . . irresponsible and greedy.

 

It wasn't like this when I was young. Maybe it wasn't reported the same way or as much. I dunno.

 

My Dad grew up in rural KY during the Great Depression. There was just as much drama and intrigue in their small town, population less than 500, as there is in modern cities. I mean, the kids in his family were farmed out to foster homes. His dad was a drunk who got put away in jail. His mom cheated on his dad, his dad cheated on his mom - both affairs resulting in children out of wedlock. Women were killed for cheating on their husbands. Children died of neglect.

 

It hasn't changed much. We just have information overload now.

[Lil Honey]

If we all did what we were supposed to, the world would be great. But we'd also have fewer opportunities to learn.

Imagine the opportunities folks would have if they used their time, energy, thinking and imagination for new inventions, cures for diseases, etc., rather than how to rob a bank, make a drug deal, screw over employee pension plans, or molest little boys.

 

And it would be nice to insure that each individual has a loving home, proper nutrition, and a good education - but this has never been a guarantee for anyone.

It doesn't have to be a guarantee, but I look to Sweden for their social responsibility. I believe in helping someone, but they also should show some semblance of initiative.

[blind_otter]

Imagine the opportunities folks would have if they used their time, energy, thinking and imagination for new inventions, cures for diseases, etc., rather than how to rob a bank, make a drug deal, screw over employee pension plans, or molest little boys.

 

It doesn't have to be a guarantee, but I look to Sweden for their social responsibility. I believe in helping someone, but they also should show some semblance of initiative.

 

European countries have something that we lack in the states - relatively ethnically homogenous populations, and hundreds of years of history and internal strife that we don't have because this country did not exist. And smaller populations.

 

Add to that the fact that this nation is populated almost exclusively with people who were rebellious enough to move toa different country in order to achieve personal liberty, and you have a recipie for internal strife.

[RecordProducer]

European countries have something that we lack in the states - relatively ethnically homogenous populations.

I as a European, I strongly disagree that Europe is more ethical and moral in any sense than the United States. I would actually exclude the mentality as an element contributing to the morality; it's rather individuals that disappoint us every day. As Outcast said:

 

There was a dude a couple thousand years ago tried to persuade folks to be nicer to each other. They didn't take it well.

[Lil Honey]

Blind Otter: My parents grew up in the Depression. My dad's father was an alcoholic that bounced his wife around for the fun of it. My dad grew up with the greatest respect for his mom and none for his dad.

 

It just seems that these days, young men would just continue the "traditional."

 

My dad was not an easy man to grow up around. Much of the time, I hated him and loved him at the same time. I swore that I wouldn't make my kids feel the way he made me feel. It took me forever to forgive him (because I'm so not the forgiving kind). I had to "justify" his temper, anger and impatience by telling myself that he never had a good role model.

 

So, my dad learned what not to do to his wife and I learned what not to do raising my kids. All I'm saying is that there is such a thing as breaking a cycle.

 

I find it almost shocking that I never hear of studies that look at self-esteem in school children. What makes a young woman like herself so little that she thinks she needs a man to feel loved and important? What makes her go with any man that comes along? What makes her STAY with him when he isn't good for her? Why does a young man need a weapon to feel important and valued? What is cool about having no ambition?

 

When we start taking care of the next generation, our world will likely be a better place.

[SmoochieFace]

What makes a young woman like herself so little that she thinks she needs a man to feel loved and important? What makes her go with any man that comes along? What makes her STAY with him when he isn't good for her? Why does a young man need a weapon to feel important and valued? What is cool about having no ambition?

 

Bingo!

 

My XW's mother is like that. She "just HAS to have a man otherwise she is nothing." The most blatantly pathetic thing I have ever seen.

 

Even more pathetic are the dummy guys who fall for that pitch... ah well, dummies for dummies...

[blind_otter]

I as a European, I strongly disagree that Europe is more ethical and moral in any sense than the United States. I would actually exclude the mentality as an element contributing to the morality; it's rather individuals that disappoint us every day. As Outcast said:

 

Ethnically.

[blind_otter]

 

I find it almost shocking that I never hear of studies that look at self-esteem in school children. What makes a young woman like herself so little that she thinks she needs a man to feel loved and important? What makes her go with any man that comes along? What makes her STAY with him when he isn't good for her? Why does a young man need a weapon to feel important and valued? What is cool about having no ambition?

 

When we start taking care of the next generation, our world will likely be a better place.

 

I understand the impulse, believe me. My parents were from the old school and didn't break the cycle. I got the physical abuse that my Mother learned. It's about people. The questions above have been studied quite often in recent years.

 

My position is that it's not like it's that different now. We just know a hell of a lot more about other people's private lives now.

[RecordProducer]

Ethnically.

Oh, ok.

But in any case, I don't see any difference in morality between Europe and the US that would be in Europe's favor so why did you bring it at all?

 

By the way, nice to see you posting again. I've missed you.

[Guest]

I think a huge issue out there that effects how we treat ourselves and eachother is jealousy,,,wanting what we see,,,envying others. The constant thinking that if I just had this..or if I was just with someone like that...I would be better off this way....all the constant thinking of oneself. The urges to do better...want more....kinda makes you not care about anyone else but yourself. Wanting more for yourself and not giving a crap about others. As long as it doesn't affect me attitude.

Everyone is a victim somewhat to this...it is hard to not be like this. But I think if we just try to not think of ourselves ALL the time,,,our greediness...lust....getting mad at yourself and maybe those close to you because you think about the potential for life to be so much better if you could have more or change you life as it is today. There is no denying the more money you have the more things you can surround yourself with. But I don't think that is where you find happiness...in material things that is. Maybe it is...I just haven't had the oppurtunity to test that theory out!

I don't know...people are sinful...we can't help it. I think however we are surrounded by $, sex, what we "should" be like..look like,,,,it is hard to steer clear of that and not let it influence you. just a thought.