demonspawn Posted February 14, 2006 Posted February 14, 2006 hello all, posted previously that my gf broke up with me a few days ago with the "i love you but not in love with you" reason and it was over the phone. Lately ive been feeling i need closure since when i told her can if we talk in person the day we broke up about this she said "i cant see you right now" and "i need to go" while she was crying. So i was wondering if it would be right to give her a call/text about meeting up for closure? would really appreciate the responses, thank you
TeaCooler Posted February 14, 2006 Posted February 14, 2006 hello all, posted previously that my gf broke up with me a few days ago with the "i love you but not in love with you" reason and it was over the phone. Lately ive been feeling i need closure since when i told her can if we talk in person the day we broke up about this she said "i cant see you right now" and "i need to go" while she was crying. So i was wondering if it would be right to give her a call/text about meeting up for closure? would really appreciate the responses, thank you you broke up...what do you think is going to closed up for you by meeting her? it's done, and you already know why...because she told you. and that's the way for you to know that she means it, because she told the truth without pretending it was something else--even if it is. and regardless of anything else that made her leave you, she isn't in love you anymore. that's really all you need to know...it doesn't get more honest and final than that. it would be healthier to just accept it and move on. good luck.
Author demonspawn Posted February 14, 2006 Author Posted February 14, 2006 it wouldnt be a closure meeting about getting back. More like a closure meeting to see what good things she liked about me and what went wrong so i could use the advice to help me out in the next relationship
blind_otter Posted February 14, 2006 Posted February 14, 2006 Closure is something that you come to inside your own mind and requires no contact with the other party. People throw the term "closure" around a lot, but mostly I've understood closure in terms of losing a loved one. Of course you'd like a final conversation with them, but ya can't. Cause they're dead. Yet somehow you can still achieve it. Same thing with relationships, IMO. You don't need to talk to them, if you're both decided on moving on without each other.
LonelyinOhio Posted February 14, 2006 Posted February 14, 2006 CLOSURE comes from NOT seeing that person, from NOT talking to that person -- not from meeting with them. And there is no way in h*** that you'll convince me that you don't have ulterior motives in that meeting, since the breakup was so recent. You want closure -- and you will get it -- if you maintain no contact. Do it -- and DON'T break it, or you're back to day 1. Trust me, I know, I've been there. In time...lots of time -- minimum, 6 months, 1 year is better -- you can talk to her again. But until then, you stay away, and look to yourself for closure. That's where it lies.
fomerlyniceguy Posted February 14, 2006 Posted February 14, 2006 People say they want "closure" and what they mean is they want to know they effected another persons life positively. Problems come when they get that talk and things don't always go like that. Depending on the situation hurt feelings and resentments can cloud that kind of openess. Truth is we feel like something will be magically said that will make us feel alright about it all. That probably won't happen. Only time and putting in the work to feel better will make that happen. Who knows maybe someday, and I mean someday not tomorrow, next week or even next year. You might get that answer to why this person hurt you, but by that time it will mean less to you. It will be nice to hear but you won't need it to heal you.
PlentyLV007 Posted February 14, 2006 Posted February 14, 2006 I did my closure. A year after I broke up with him. After all my tears, hurt and heart break were done. I called him and we talked about everything in our current lives / not significant others...... just us. Then we would get into what happened and what went wrong and I think he had more anger than I did. He tried very hard not to show anger. I felt he had every right to be upset in a way. I broke up with him. There was a lot we went through in our relationship. 5 years of up's and downs and I wouldn't change anything about it. Our conversation was very good. We laughed, tried not to be too serious, tried not to get mad....I know we wanted our converstaion to go well. Just because we tried. That was a year ago that I spoke to him. I broke up with him two years ago. We've only talked once and I've never seen him but on photos on MY SPACE. Closure is different to many people....I felt released after talking to him. I was happy that he was happy and okay.... That's when I knew I really loved him enough to let him go...so he can be happy....w/ me or w/out me. Our last year toghether I wasn't happy. I was insecure, didn't trust him and felt we were going no where. The insecurity and trusting him well that was his fault too. I was just naive...because I loved him. IMO-you should do what u feel is right for you....you have to experience it, regardless of what others say.....they u will live with "what if"....or "should of, would of, could of."
Author demonspawn Posted February 14, 2006 Author Posted February 14, 2006 thank you plenty, EXACTLY what i was thinking, the whole "what if" situation.
bluechocolate Posted February 15, 2006 Posted February 15, 2006 thank you plenty, EXACTLY what i was thinking, the whole "what if" situation. And note the time period there - I did my closure. A year after I broke up with him. My guess is their conversation went well precisely because they waited. Trust me - right now you don't want, or even need, to hear the reasons why she broke up with you and she doesn't want to be put into that position.
riobikini Posted February 15, 2006 Posted February 15, 2006 RE: LonelyInOhio: " Don't. CLOSURE comes from NOT seeing that person, from NOT talking to that person -- not from meeting with them. And there is no way in h*** that you'll convince me that you don't have ulterior motives in that meeting, since the breakup was so recent. You want closure -- and you will get it -- if you maintain no contact. Do it -- and DON'T break it, or you're back to day 1. Trust me, I know, I've been there. In time...lots of time -- minimum, 6 months, 1 year is better -- you can talk to her again. But until then, you stay away, and look to yourself for closure. That's where it lies. " I 'Ditto' the hell out of every single word. -Rio
UT_longhorn Posted February 15, 2006 Posted February 15, 2006 demonspawn... i know exactly how you feel. why? how? what if? those questions will never go answered. you can have a "closure" meeting and you'll leave with more questions. then you'll wonder what the? when? how come? its and endless stream of unanswered questions. like people have mentioned before...the closure should come from what she has told you. she is not in love with you any more. she cares for you, but does not love you. for some reason...when a woman says that..there's not much you can do. its pretty final. its not a decision that she made that day. its a decision that shes been thinking about for a long time. follow the advice of the people here. go no contact. in time you will start to realize many things that give you insight on how the relationship fell apart. good luck man.
Recommended Posts