Justme888 Posted February 14, 2006 Posted February 14, 2006 I have somewhat of a long story so I will try to make the best sense out of it. I a 22 year old female whomet this guy who is 4 years older than me who I met over two years ago. Ever since I have met him I have not been able to get him out of my mind, but I can not figure out why because he is so inconsiderate. When we met I was getting pretty into him when he just says that he thinks he is going to move to California for a year. I was crushed with only knowing him for a month. I decided not to speak to him anymore, but that obviously didn't work as panned. Right before he left we saw eachother a few times and he told me that when he got settled that he wanted me to go see him. I was thrilled that he wanted me to come out there to see him. ( I should mention that I am usually not this giddy little girl that gets thrilled whenever a guy shows some attention). When he got out there we talked all the time and we both agreed that I would come out to see him. Well as soon as I was able to find some time off of work and school i told him the dates that worked and he came back and said that it wouldn't work because what if he was involved with someone by that time. Him telling me that total made me want to never speak to him again. That hurt so bad and what I get for him saying that is, "well atleast I was being honest". I guess he wanted instant gratification from me. So I was the one who got myself involved with a relationship while he was away and that felt good. But he was always in the back of my mind. So it turned out that he only lived there for 9 months and he told me(because I was stupid and stayed intouch with him) that when he came back HE was ready to really try a relationship with me. By this time I wasn't interested in that because I was involved with somoene. Well when things went sour with my the guy that I was with for over a year, HE came back into the picture and that was November 2005. Since than we have been seeing eachother and he claims that I am his GF. I thought that he really changed frokm his somewhat selfish past and that he really wanted this like he kept telling me and still keeps telling me. A few weeks ago we had a discussion about his "friendly" ways with other girls. That convo didn't exactly make me feel any better. Than he told me that for his bday he was going to Tampa with a guy that just got divorced. I don't know where he was going, who this guy was, and was upset at the fact that he didn't want to be with me for his bday. So i told him very calmly that I wasn't convertable with him going and just wanted him to help me feel more comfortable. Well that basically was thrown in my face. Last weekend he said his phone broke and couldn't get my calls. I know his phone was being a little weird, but if he really wanted to talk to me than I ma sure he woud've found a way to do so. So he knew he was wrong for that and I told him that he was inconsiderate for what he did. e apologized and told me that anything I needed him to do in this realtionship to make it work than I should just tell him. Well this past weekend is when he went to Tampa. He gets there and everthing is somewhat ok. I am keeping my insecurites inside and just hoping for the best. His phone dies because he didn't bring his charger. Could he not have gotten another one? So now I have to rely on hom to call me from his friends phone after he gets complelty drunk every night out with the guys. I understand that he works and wants to unwind, but didn't he want to talk to me. This all raised a lot of suspicion n my mind. So I tell him this and he said that he will not be n this relationship if he has to make me feel comfortable. Who says that to the person that you care so much about. Just a few days before he said that he felt perfect with me. He tells me he likes me so much all the time(dont know why) and that I am what he wants. Now that he is home today and tomorrow is Valentines Day he says that he is too tired tonite to talk to me about it and he is furious. He is ating like I am asking the world of him. So now I have to deal with another sleepless night. I don't know if he is just stringing me along because I am a good, faithful and loyal person or what? Its been so long( time) with us just trying, and talking all the time. I just don't get what the problem is. I just want him to care about me and so that he wants to put some effort into this. And the second I tell him what I need him to do, he refuses. How is that compromise? I try so hard to make it good with us. I am end of my rope and just want to stop being so hung up over him. Any tips as to why he may be avting like this and why he persistently plays these mind games with me?
Author Justme888 Posted February 14, 2006 Author Posted February 14, 2006 PLEASE HELP!!!!!SO today he told me he wants to take a break because he doesn't know if he can be the man that I deserve??????On Valentines day? Nice. Than I get home and he sends me flowers...Can he play anymore games?
Walk Posted February 15, 2006 Posted February 15, 2006 Ouch... I'm sorry you're going through this. I don't know if I've got anything worthwhile to say regarding your relationship. From an outsider perspective, you were right to be a little suspicious of his "Tampa" vacation. (I got the impression you felt he was flirtatious with other women? and you spoke to him about this?) Since you don't have much choice in the matter at this time, then use this break to your best advantage. Instead of focusing on him, focuse on you. What do you want in a relationship? How do feel two people should act if they love each other? And most importantly, can you trust him? I don't think you have the level of trust necessary at this point to have a solid relationship. If this is the case, then the two of you need to go your seperate ways. Find a man you can whole heartedly trust, and who you know is going to do his best to treat you right. I think the flowers were because he felt guilty. He's an azz for doing that to you. He's confusing you, and sending mixed signals. Giving you false hope. My other thought... If a man really loves his gf, he spends his bday with her, at the very least takes her along with him. He makes an effort to call her, even if his cell phone battery died. (They have pay phones all over the place. And hotels, amazingly enough, have phones in every room.) You said you had to talk to him about his "friendly" ways with girls. Usually that means he's looking at other options, isn't as interested with the one he's with... I don't mean to be harsh... I'm sorry for saying all this.. but to me it really doesn't sound like he wants to be with you anymore. And that it isn't just all of a sudden, but something he's been working on doing for a while now. I think it would be in your best interest to end the relationship now, instead of just taking a break. I think he'll drag you along until he can finally find a replacement because he wants to keep you under his wing. He doesn't want to be with you, but wants you as a back up. That's how I read his actions.
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