Lalala Posted February 14, 2006 Posted February 14, 2006 I have been with my Bf for 5 years (on Feb 14th). We have lived together for 1 1/2 now. For the most part things have been good. We almost broke up once at 2 years and I have thought about it at other times, mostly out of anger. The biggest problem I guess is Marriage. He talks about it, and sounds into it, and knows I would say yes, but is not even thinking about getting a ring. To be honest, I have mentioned it on numerous occassions. Since year 3. Now I'm not trying to beat anyone, but I guess it kinda saddens me that friends of mine who have been going out for a lesser amount of time, are getting married. 3 or them. I guess it bugs me, but I'm not saying we have to because they are, but more like I thought we would be there by now. Also lately I seem to be having crushes on other guys, well on one guy. I don't know if that's normal. I feel horrible, but I can't help it. We have also been fighting alot. We seem to be very different. He always comes home and plays a stupid video game. The whole night. I always have to beg him to get off (i feel like a child when I have to) but otherwise he would play it the whole night without a problem. I wish he would just want to spend time with me, bring me out somewhere, do something. In fact I'm writing this right now and he's about 10 ft away from me I dont' know what to think. We have been together so long. Also he just mentioned that he doesn't know why we should get each other something for Valentines day. That it's just not important like Chirstmas, or Birthdays. Made me upset and he doesn't understand why I think it is important. He is also mad because he has to miss hockey tommorow night because it's Valentines (he goes and plays with some friends) and was saying I guess I can't go play. I told him I wasn't gonna hold him back, he can do what he wants. He just said then you would be mad. I told him of course I would be, and he said so there for I can't go. He acts like it's not important On our 2 years, he didn't even get me anything, and not because he forgot, he just couldn't find anything!!) I don't know what to think.......... Please help.
WindDrifter Posted February 14, 2006 Posted February 14, 2006 Sounds like your relationship needs a break a some honest communication between the two of you. The only way any relationship will work is through communication. It sounds like you aren't getting what you want from this relationship and to be honest time has nothing to do with it. It you are not happy there is no point in living a lie. We only have one life and we should live it being happy not sad all the time. Write down your issues and sit him down one day and let him know who you are and what you want. It sounds like you have drifted apart and I believe this happens a lot in relationships that don't have clear communication. We all change as people and that means that you won't be the same person you are on the day you met your boyfriend as on another day 5years down the line. Compromise is also very important and not to forget love. You need to respect he needs time to have fun maybe along but he also needs to respect that you need him and want to spend time with him. Real time. Not just time that you are in the room with him and he plays games. It sounds like he isn't really serious about the relationship if he finds his games more important. Maybe he is taking you for granted as he knows you will say yes if he proposes. Be honest. I am not saying cut all times and dump him but both of you need to talk about what you want from this relationship and if only one of you is getting what they wants then it is bound to fail. Its time to reassess. Sit down have an honest chat. No yelling or screaming. You have your say and ask him not to interrupt and then he has his. Hopefully if he truly loves you he will make provisions to change. Do things to inspire you and take you out. If he doesn't even listen then your decision has been made for you. Take a break. Tell him you need time for yourself alone so you can think about things. Maybe the time apart will help clear his and your mind. Maybe initially don't break up fully. Just ask for some space and maybe see how you feel about him after a couple days or weeks. Maybe talk to him and see how you feel. Don't rush into anything right away. The crush you are having is more than likely happening because you can see yourself getting something from this crush that you wouldn't get from your current BF. Let your BF know this. Be honest its the best way to help clear things up for the good or bad. The quicker you find out what you want the better for both of you. Sounds like at the moment you are just letting time fly by and not living it! Good Luck its not going to be easy. Keep us updated! Cheers, WD
hooghie Posted February 14, 2006 Posted February 14, 2006 I thought I was reading so much of my own life of years ago when I read your post. The video games, the complacency, wanting to spend time with his friends instead of your, etc. I may be a little bitter in what I say, but I don't know if you should stay with this guy. People don't change. People don't 'suddenly' become more interested in their S/o over their video games. They don't suddenlty become better communicators. I'm not saying it can't happen over time, but you will have to do A LOT to make it happen. If I were you- I'd move on and find someone else.
leopardprint Posted February 14, 2006 Posted February 14, 2006 I don't think you really need to end anything or take a break because of a few bad words. It's obvious that you two just aren't taking the time to sit down and just think about things. Remember, it's not all about talking... sometimes that leads to both parties just trying to defend their own views. You really need to sit and THINK about what the other person is feeling and saying. I say you both, but it sounds like he REALLY needs to lend an ear! I'm a video gamer myself, and on other forums I'm on, I hear a lot of women complain about their man playing games too much. If you don't mind me asking, what game is it? Did you ever think of maybe joining in with him? And then to compromise, set a night out for just you two. You can rotate nights of game play with each other, and diners with each other! True story; I had a friend of mine start a thread in a Girls Only portion of a forum I visit fequently, describing how she HATED her boyfriend playing a game called World of Warcraft so much. In reality, it is a VERY demanding game. Nothing you can really just play for an hour a week and call it a night. There would be no point even playing it if that were the case. Me and another friend told her she should try it some time. Well, one night when he was on a business trip, she snuck onto his computer and asked me to show her around the game online. Sure enough she LOVES it now, and actually has FUN playing together. They actually GAME more then going out! And she's never played video games before except for when she was a kid playing mario! Ya' never know. Try doing what he's interested in, and maybe you'll find something you never thought you'd enjoy before! And maybe, he might do the same if you take him out to do something you enjoy. It's all about give and take. Good luck!
Author Lalala Posted February 14, 2006 Author Posted February 14, 2006 He plays Ever Quest 2. I did try it. I'm just not a gamer. I have told him numerous times how I feel about the game. Works for about a week then he starts up again. Honestly I've just given up. I don't even say anything anymore. He doesn't even think anything is wrong with this relationship. I love him, but just don't feel conected. When I do try to talk to him he is always really intent on his game and doesn't even hear half the things I say. Very annoying. I ask him to look away for one minute, but it's always "I can't..... I'm doing something." I think it's even hard right now too because I'm not working and he is. He seems to throw that in my face alot, most times in a joking manner, but I've started taking offence to it because it's too often that I really think he means it. Expecially because when we do fight he uses that too.
leopardprint Posted February 14, 2006 Posted February 14, 2006 When I do try to talk to him he is always really intent on his game and doesn't even hear half the things I say. Very annoying. I ask him to look away for one minute, but it's always "I can't..... I'm doing something." Ok now THAT is totally unexceptable!! I'd pull the plug on his PC (don't worry, it saves the character on the server every 5 seconds - he'll lose nothing)!
theclash Posted February 16, 2006 Posted February 16, 2006 As winddrifter said, communication is very important in any relationship. Why dont you just tell him how you feel about everything? I bet he has no idear about how much your hurt about him not giving you any attention *read your other posts in this topic* That is not accectable. How dare he give a stupid computer game more attention than you? Try writing him a letter, and if that dosnt work, reconsider your relationship for good. You deserve better
SuperMonk Posted February 17, 2006 Posted February 17, 2006 Ugh! Sounds like an empty relationship. Leave while you're still young!!!
Citizen Erased Posted February 17, 2006 Posted February 17, 2006 Okay, I get annoyed when my b'f plays those stupid games for ages but he never does over me. He always sets time apart for me. I come first, in fact he sets time for the GAMES not for me, because the partner should be the priority. There are obviously problems here and they need to be adressed because you cannot keep dealing with this. it is unfair. You need to sit down and talk to him and if he doesnt take you seriously then you need to consider leaving. Anyone who throws unemployment in anothers face is cruel and you should never get that from your partner. Id act soon because this is probably killing you inside and you need to sort this out for your peace of mind
jerbear Posted February 17, 2006 Posted February 17, 2006 They don't call Everequest, evercrack for a reason. Gaming is somewhat a hobby and addiction. Sounds like you two have issues that are similar to my friends. What they did was sit down, talked, and cut their gaming time down to a set amount of hours. They even cancelled everquest. They started to do other things. It also helped that one of their computers really went kaput. She did get a job so the unemployment issue went away. If you want to break it off, getting a job makes you less dependent on him; therefore an easier decision. He'll get the message. If you are adventurous... open the computer up and loosen but don't disconnect a cable. Just don't leave any evidence.
UT_longhorn Posted February 17, 2006 Posted February 17, 2006 if he asked you today to marry you today...what would you say?
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