long time since I've been here... a year of NC on her part... and now??

[Dinnj1]

I haven't posted on LS in almost a year about my situation. Sometimes I found it harder to chat and dwell about my unhappiness... so I focused more on my business and 'others' in order to get my mind off of things.

 

Long story short... very close friends with a girl for many years. We casually dated in the beginning, until she moved away. We remained close friends via email and phone. She was unhappily married and spoke to me quite often about it when she was feeling down and always dropped hints of her feelings for me. Two years ago, things changed when she and I confessed our love for each other during one of her 'down times'. It was then, when she gave me the 'boot'. A year later, we were talking again.. she was speaking of divorce, and had moved out on her own, envited me to spend time with her since we have seen each other for almost 4 years, love was confessed again. Immediately after my visit, she disappeared again after an "I'm sorry, my husband and I are gonna work things out" email. This is when I found LS... a little over a year ago. During the past year and a half, I only sent a few emails... short and sweet ones.. "Happy Mother's day", "Happy birthday" etc, with no responses. I gave up for almost 5 months and focused more on myself...my family and dating. But never truly finding happiness or closure. It was about 3 months ago, when I wrote her a long email, stating that I have forgiven her for what she had done to me and everything she had said to me but couldn't act on. I felt good about myself for the first time in awhile. The next day, I got a response. Turns out, NOTHING had changed in her life... and only got worse with her husband. She was in the middle of filing for divorce again. Emails turned to everyday phone calls. She even considered moving closer to my area... traveled to AND stayed at my place while looking at some real estate. (No, I wasn't there, I was out of town when she decided to come visit, (probably for the best)) She loved the area.

 

Now, I'm noticing some changes... she's becoming very distant. She went from everyday talking to completely blowing off phonecalls and txt's until SHE want's to respond. (Not normal for her... short tempered/attitude) I haven't spoken of feelings for her or anything... just trying to make conversation and showing kindness cause I'm concerned about her and everything she's goin' through. She moved out again, telling me it's a temporary move till she decides where to buy a house... cause her area is too expensive.

 

(She's NOT getting back with her husband again) I do know this much. The divorce process has started and is getting ugly. He's fighting everything... courts, lawyers... etc.

I guess my question is... She use to find comfort talking to me, that's obvious, but why not now? What could she be goin' through??? In her head? Heart and mind? Would ANY kind of contact from me seem like pressure to her? Could she still have feelings for me? Maybe just trying to get this divorce over with??? This time last year, she was in her apartment calling me to talk about things. Now she's in the apartment and I haven't heard much at all. Romantically, this girl is off limits, I understand that. But I miss the friendship we use to have...

[newbby]

Would ANY kind of contact from me seem like pressure to her?

i think this may be it. she is going through alot. even if you say you only care about her as a friend, i get the impression from your post that you still have feelings. so i am pretty sure she must get the same feel from you. it is pressure when somebody has feelings for you, and it is draining too. if she is having to deal with this ugly divorce after years of bad marriage then pressure is the last thing she needs.

stop looking at the past, so she said she had feelings for you, back whenever...

it is not now, that time is gone, feelings change

[Dinnj1]

wow... one response??? Is it because I'm an OM?

Thanks newwby... you're right... of course I still have feelings. We were close for over 8 years now. She always called me her guardian angel and soulmate. Now she barely calls at all. I totally backed off on the feelings and emotions. I don't show her it 'bothers' me that I'm not the one she calls on... Just wish she would show me something. We've had a few tiffs, a month or two back.. where she would state "right now" after her comments.

Ex. "I can't show any feelings or tell you how I feel, right now." or "I can't call you everyday like I use too, right now."

 

Oh well... she can have her space...

[Naive]

Maybe she is having a hard time dealing with the fact that her divorce is really going through? Or it can be that she does not think you are the appropriate person to talk to seeing that you two do have feelings for each other and this time is more serious because it's actually in the process. Us women are weird!!! Maybe what you least expect is what is causing her to withdraw from you. Even if she does not love her husband anymore you have to understand that it may still hurt because it IS a failure and that always hurts.

[Allegrokw]

i think this may be it. she is going through alot. even if you say you only care about her as a friend, i get the impression from your post that you still have feelings. so i am pretty sure she must get the same feel from you. it is pressure when somebody has feelings for you, and it is draining too. if she is having to deal with this ugly divorce after years of bad marriage then pressure is the last thing she needs.

stop looking at the past, so she said she had feelings for you, back whenever...

it is not now, that time is gone, feelings change

 

 

I so agree with you Newbby - now is not the time. She has to go through some tough stuff, and it may just be that it is comfortable and familiar to go back. It is only temporary

[KnowHowLoveFeels]

Actually, from reading your post, I got the impression that she is interested in someone else and is divorcing because of him, not you. I would imagine that anyone going thru a divorce would want to talk about it, especially since she's been "chatty" before.

If I were you, I'd forget about her and move on. If you still have feelings for her and can't let go, then why don't you call her up or show up at her door? Seriously, if you love her, this is your time to show your support. She is most vulnerable now, you know what I mean?