drpynedds Posted February 14, 2006 Posted February 14, 2006 First time poster, long time reader. I've come to a fork in the road and I'm having a really difficult decision to make. Here's a little background: I met my old girlfriend of 4 years during the college. We were great friends for nearly 4 months since we had similar classes. Eventually the relationship went to the next level after we got to know each other a lot better. I would like to say our relationship was amazing and deeply connected, but I'm sure other people have experienced this as well. We never got into fights, never cheated on each other. We were essentially best friends who had a romantic relationship. That's how I like to put it. During our second year together, we noticed how serious it was becoming. Discussions of marriage and our future came up, but we agreed we would take a break when grad school starts. Fast forward 2 years. She is in medical school as a first year, while I decided to take a break before entering dental school. We knew we should take a break during this time, since we were our first serious relationship. And I nonchalantly agreed to this saying that's really smart and mature since we don't won't have any regrets in the future. Anyways, when the time came to take a break, I agreed that it was the mature and right thing to do. However, my heart didn't agree. We went on break 5 months ago after I moved her into her apartment on the East Coast. I still remain in California, until I start school here as well. We decided to remain best friends, as it would be seemed natural to do. It's been extremely difficult as I am sure everyone knows. I notice that I pick little fights with her whenever we talk on the phone, or become a AIM profile/Facebook stalker. I understand that since she's so busy over in med school and meeting new friends in a new environment, she has less time to think about me. While I am here not doing much besides volunteering at non-profit organizations. I visited her for her white coat ceremony in October (a month after taking a break) and I spent pretty all my time there asking her why she was doing this, begging like a man with no respect, etc. I cried for the first time over a girl. I was shocked of how much I loved and missed her. I finally got my act together and just dealt with the situation. I still wanted to remain friends with her, as she is the only person that I can truly trust and share my thoughts. Christmas and New Years was great to see her, but it was also awkward at times. I wanted to do what came natural. It was difficult to see her so strong, holding herself back from temptation. Since my trip to visit her in December, things have been going well. I talked to her on a daily basis through AIM...the usual such as how was your day, what did you do, any plans tonight..etc. I thought I was special or different than other couples that broke up. I believed I could skip that acwkward phase and jump right back into best friends, since I believed we had a special relationship. Boy was I wrong! She told me that she started becoming good friends with this guy in her class. It started out the same way as how I became close to her. They met in class, but eventually helped each other online, meeting to study, then eventually inviting out to the bars with her friends. He asked her out on a date 6 weeks ago, but she explained to him that she wasn't ready to date yet since she wasn't over me. I tried to become the best friend, and asked if there was anyone she was eyeing. She said not really, but he was cute and nice. Btw, he's 6 years her senior (old guy). I appreciated that she was still in her mourning stage, as I was too. It just made me feel that she truly needed a break and test the water, but that she still loved me. Her birthday was a week ago and still decided to buy her a girlfriend present. I spent $300 on a day at the spa treatment, as I knew she would love it. I know I shoudn't have bought something so expensive or boyfriendish, but it was set on it as I still believed I have overcome the awkward phase. I was really impressed with myself. It wasn't until 3 days ago that she posted her photoalbum online for everyone to see. I noticed that she had 3 out of 10 photos with her and the guy. She was of course drunk, but one picture just upset me. He was holding her in his arms around the waist, while she was holding onto his. I understand that this is probably just a friendly, end of the night photo at the bars as she said. But I know I did not skip the awkward, no more jealous phase. I was just furious and felt betrayed, eventhough its been 5 months. I am not sure if I want to start a relationship with her even if she decided to today, but I would like to leave that option open in the future. Maybe we'll meet again in California after med school, or maybe 10 years from now. I still love her every much and miss her everyday. I just can't deal with her being with another guy. It just tears me apart. I'm thinking about starting NC, but I have plans to visit her in a couple weeks for her spring break. I will be leaving the country for 3 months a week after to volunteer and travel. I don't want to lose her as a friend, but I think I need a break (eventhough my heart doesn't want one). She still sees me handling this well and is amazed at how much we've progressed. However, that "innocent" picture gave me a reality check that I am not that special. Do you think I should start NC (it's been 3 days since I lasted talked to her), or should I just visit her before my trip and use the excuse of being out of the country to not talk to her? I don't to lose her or make her push me further away. I want to be best friends in the future, but I just can't be it right now. I am still not over her. However I don't want to lose her forever. I'm sorry for the long post. I just really confused right now and need some advice.
Unreg1111 Posted February 14, 2006 Posted February 14, 2006 I can't figure out why the two of you split up. "Because it would be the mature thing"? You what??? Was it really an equal decision or was she pushing for it more?
Author drpynedds Posted February 14, 2006 Author Posted February 14, 2006 I can't figure out why the two of you split up. "Because it would be the mature thing"? You what??? Was it really an equal decision or was she pushing for it more? We decided early on during college that we would take a break when we would start grad school. We were our first real relationship, so we didn't want any regrets if we do get married. In theory, it makes sense since we are only 22. But in practice, it really screws things up. In the end, she started pushing for it more since she started med school and was surrounded a new environment. She didn't want to our LDR to hold her back from experiences, outings, etc. I'm back at home with the parentals until I start school in July. I'm just a sitting duck moping around after being dumped.
Author drpynedds Posted February 14, 2006 Author Posted February 14, 2006 Everyone's gonna tell you to NC it. How should I NC it? --I can't just be friends with you, I need this time to heal. Maybe I'll see you this summer, maybe I'll see you in a few years, maybe this is it... or --The most important person in my life is you. I want to remain friends with you, but I need to take this time to heal. If I continue talking to you on a daily basis, its just going to set me up for some hurting. Please understand. Maybe one day when things are just right, we can be friends again. Any suggestions?
Zeppelin456 Posted February 14, 2006 Posted February 14, 2006 option 2. that's sort of what I'm doing. here's the way I see it...you need to do what's right for you now, not for her, not for anyone else, just you. right? okay good. so that means not talking to her. it seems like you two are still on good terms, so hopefully something will work out in the future and you two can get close again, either romantically or not. however IF, in the worst case scenario, things DON'T work out for one reason or another and you two don't become friends in the future, you should try to be able to be happy that somebody so good was able to affect you for a prolonged period of time. neither of you is ever going to forget about one another, ya know? in the future, maybe you'll get that friendship from someone who you aren't still in love with and you'll get love from someone else....basically, it's 3 am and i'm incoherently trying to tell you that when it comes down to it, ONLY you matter. don't get necesarily hung up on keeping her in your life if it's going to hurt, there are other people out there. I KNOW that sounds horrible, I'm going through a similar thought process and you just have to realize that it's all about you. weird eh? be selfish. don't worry about her or keeping her in your life, if it's going to happen, it will happen. sorry to be so difficult to understand here.
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