Gabber Posted February 17, 2006 Posted February 17, 2006 Guest, I too was in an affair for three years and we were very luck to have not gotten caught. I tried many times to stop and couldn't until one day...I just sat back and looked at everything I had to lose and decided you know what...it's not worth it. I couldn't say that I loved the OM because I didn't...It was just the excitement. So I stopped the affair. Which stopped the friendship. He would not even look at me if I seen him. It took a LONG time to get over it but I did and it has made me a lot stronger. At first it seems unbearable and you feel all these feelings come over you somewhat like depression and you have to believe me...it gets better and easier. Almost 2 years later the OM started contacting me again. I just was very forward and told him if he was calling for anything more than as a friend I didn't want to hear from him. I never wanted to lose the friendship we had but at the same time...I knew I couldn't have one without the other and I took a long time to heal and I WILL NOT put myself through it again. What I have learned is, it is nice to feel wanted but that's all it is....want...lust. Do what you can in your heart to make things right with yourself and everything else will fall in place. It is going to be very hard to do but you can do it and you will feel so much better that if ever thrown at you again....you don't want to because it's a nice feeling not to have to hide or sneak around anymore. Good Luck to you....
Guest Posted February 17, 2006 Posted February 17, 2006 To Gabber, Thank you so much for your kind understanding and your support. The difference here is that I did fall in love with him however he lives in the next state, so it is unlikely that i would run into him. He would come out here 2-3 times a week ... 4-5 hour commute just for an hour or two or three. I am still so torn about telling my husband. did you??? I just dont want to regret that I did tell him even though there are many of you out there who are totally convinced I should...... I def. have a lot more to lose than my OM...... I also know I have tried to walk away unsuccessfully before....I hoping I can be strong enough to do it.... the guilt has wracked me so many times over the two years and that is why about once a month I tell him I cant do this anymore. After the no contact letter I sent, he did send back a few responses......b/c he knows that eventually I have gone back to him. I have NOT responded and actually closed my e-mail account this morning. I guess only time will tell. I will keep posting and be happy to hear any replies..negative or positive.....
sami Posted February 18, 2006 Posted February 18, 2006 It'll take time, strong will and a desire to come back home to your husband. You just went too far. It's either you take a U-turn or continue your way with your OM. The choice is always yours.
KnowHowLoveFeels Posted February 18, 2006 Posted February 18, 2006 Guest, So good to hear that you closed your email account so that your OM cannot contact you. Stay strong. You have a lot to live for. As for myself, I had a brief passionate moment with my OM. We did not have intercourse. And he lives several thousands of miles away, so we only see each other 3-4 times/year. We are not planning on starting an affair after that brief PA. I feel guilty and foolish, and I think he feels the same. My husband and I did not take the vacation with him in February as planned. Our next meeting will be in June. I am not as nervous about that as I was about the February meeting. I think I am stronger now. I agree that it is very hard to stop wanting to go back for the physical intimacy with the OM. But for now, I just have to concentrate on erasing memories of him.
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