why cant I walk away from the OM

[Guest]

briefly I am married 20 years.....two teenage children. My marriage is prob. 80% better than most..we are friends, we have a big social life and we have a pretty good sex life.

 

I got involved with a married man two years ago. It started as a flirtation and turned into a full blown love affair.

I have tried to walk away several times mainly due to guilt...

my husband to my knowledge has absolutely no idea anything at all is going on.

 

the type of person he is, it's been very easy to get away with it.

I guess you can say I love my husband and am in love with this other man.

the problem is the other man and I get very hot and heavy.....emotionally even more than physically. that part is amazing too.

 

I have never felt the way i do when I am with my other man. I know you can't compare an affair to a long term marriage. there are days i cant imagine leaving my family and days where all i want is a life with this other man. he is in a similar situation although there is no intimacy there at all from what he tells me. it is very hard for me to believe that they have not had sex in two years.

 

my question is, do you think he is lying about this? he travels 2 hours to see me for an hour and not for intimacy half the time.

Of course i know whole thing is wrong and when my conscience gets the best of me I walk away or try to at least and then end up back with him.

 

has anybody been in a similar situation? have you been able to walk away? how long to get over him and so on? if anyone has any feeback, please respond. I am new to this forum and just felt the need to share

[tweldy]

I replaced a few words in the first few paragraphs, reread them:

 

briefly I am married 20 years.....two teenage children. My marriage is prob. 80% better than most..we are friends, we have a big social life and we have a pretty good sex life.

 

I got involved with a DRUGS two years ago. It started as a recreational/occasional thing and turned into a full blown addiction.

I have tried to go cold turkey several times mainly due to guilt...

my husband to my knowledge has absolutely no idea anything at all is going on.

 

the type of person he is, it's been very easy to get away with it.

I guess you can say I love my husband and am in love with the high.

the problem is the drugs are a total escape.....emotionally even more than physically. that part is amazing too.

 

I have never felt the way i do when I am on drugs. I know you can't compare getting high to a long term marriage. there are days i cant imagine leaving my family and days where all i want is a life getting high.

 

 

The high never lasts. Sorry.

[cal gal]

You know,

I'm sure my husband of 20 years thought that I would would forgive him like you describe your spouse.

 

Guess what? I'm not going back, so think seriously about what you have on the line before you even disregard and disrespect him one more time!

 

The thing that did make me the most angry is we had such a great life together, great kids, great sex every day, the best and nicest friends. Was it enough? Noooooo he had to figure he needed more! That was when I realized he would never be happy, no matter what.

 

Think twice honey, even if you think you won't get caught, you will eventually. My husband NEVER thought I would find out. He was shocked. Every time you meet MM you are putting your whole life as you know it on the line. Ask MY soon to be ex husband if it was worth it. He begs everyday to get back together. No way.

[Guest]

thank you for your replies. I know all of what you are saying and for some reason, I still dont have the courage to walk away yet.

I know the "high" you are talking about because I feel it everyday. I know I am definitly addicted to this OM....He says he prays everyday for us to be together although he is still "there".

so, how do I get the strength to walk away even though I ache for him? I don't need to be told what a "bad" person I am b/c I live with that guilt everyday.

Do I tell my husband? I feel like I am hurting him enough and unloading my guilt is selfish because he would be devastated.

any suggestions? I flip flop everyday.....I'm sure there are some of you who know exactly what i am talking about.........

[Bryanp]

Does your husband really need to be humiliated and disrespected the way you are doing to him and putting him at risk for STD's? After 20 years of according to you a pretty good marriage, this is the way you pay him back for his love and support to you? I am betting you could not believe that your husband could ever do to you what you have been doing to him. The reason is probably because he has too much love and respect for you, your relationship and your family. It is shame that you do not have the same respect for him. If you had any respect for your husband left, you would tell him the truth and offer him the opportunity to decide if he wishes to work on recovery with you. What you are doing to him is using your husband and making him a complete fool for loving and respecting you. Would you want your children to marry a spouse who is doing what you are doing to your spouse? How can you celeberate your anniversary without wanting to choke looking at your husband? Either your marriage is based on honesty and respect or it is based on deceit and betrayal. The choice is yours.

[cal gal]

Either your marriage is based on honesty and respect or it is based on deceit and betrayal. The choice is yours.

 

 

I think SHE already made that choice when she decided to cheat...

 

You can try to make it right by not seeing the OM anymore.... I'm not sure I agree with telling your hubby - as it will only hurt him and relieve your guilt.

That seems more self-serving to me.

 

Live with what you have created and try to make it right, whatever choice you make.

[Chump64]

Are you going to be so enamored of this man if you dump your family for him, only to find out he doesn't do the dishes, farts in bed, criticizes you, and flirts with / screws still OTHER women? What on earth makes you think he would be loyal to you? Why will he change his stripes? When it comes to him, you are living a fantasy, not a reality.

 

Yes, he is screwing his wife. Cheating men always tell their luvvahs that song and dance. Don't buy it. Don't be a chump.

 

I just busted my husband for an affair (lasted 10 years). We had a marriage that sounded similar to yours in this regard: "My marriage is prob. 80% better than most..we are friends, we have a big social life and we have a pretty good sex life." Like you, he didn't have the balls to end his affair. He wouldn't have stopped unless he got caught.

 

You say that you have teenage kids. If I had teenage kids and found out about my cheating spouse, I would have put his crap out on the sidewalk and changed the locks. But I have three kids in a wide variety of ages, and there is no way they could have survived this turmoil emotionally. So I am sticking around and trying to work things out / giving my spouse a chance to unf*ck our life. But if I were in your spouse's shoes, I would kick you to the curb. Keep in mind that I am one giant agitated nerve right now, so I can't be very fair or unbiased.

 

Here is a letter I wrote to my spouse and his mistress. Maybe it will help you see some of the pain you are causing.

 

[COLOR=black][FONT=Arial][/FONT][/COLOR]

[COLOR=black][FONT=Arial]So, a month and a half later, I am writing this letter to both of you. I thought you might both like to know just how incredibly lucky you are, and I’ve got a list of reasons here. [/FONT][/COLOR][COLOR=black][FONT=Tahoma][/FONT][/COLOR]

[COLOR=black][FONT=Arial] [/FONT][/COLOR][COLOR=black][FONT=Tahoma][/FONT][/COLOR]

[COLOR=black][FONT=Arial]You should feel lucky because you can’t imagine what it’s like to recall all the times we were together as friends – birthday parties, graduations, and even acknowledging the birth of a new baby – and to look back and wonder about the knowing glances you two must have shared, regarding your shameless and vulgar secret life, which has come to light and shattered the hearts of other people. [/FONT][/COLOR][COLOR=black][FONT=Arial]

 

[FONT=Arial]You should feel lucky because you can’t imagine what it’s like to look at your spouse and think, “Who ARE you? What else do I not know about you? Where is the person I married? How did you become such an immoral, deceitful character? Are you psychotic or just pathetic? Am I psychotic / pathetic for staying with you?” It’s so disappointing.[/FONT][/FONT][/COLOR][COLOR=black][FONT=Tahoma][/FONT][/COLOR]

[COLOR=black][FONT=Arial]You should feel lucky because you don’t know what it’s like to realize the person you trusted to put you first has, in fact, put you last. The person you thought would love you deliberately has hurt you, deliberately, more than anyone else in this whole entire world. That the one person you wanted to spend time with, talk to, have fun with, and make love to, chose to do those things with someone else instead. And then lie about it, when first confronted, so he could keep getting laid.[/FONT][/COLOR][COLOR=black][/COLOR]

[COLOR=black][FONT=Arial]You should feel lucky because you don’t have to spend the rest of your marriage covering up for someone else in order to protect his image. You don’t have to live your life putting on charades so that your spouse’s friends, children and family members will maintain respect. You don’t have to spend the energy and agony to cover things up so that your children will never know your spouse broke promises and risked their very happiness and stability. (And how dare you, by the way. This is one of the most hurtful aspects. The risks you took in order to get what you wanted, with no regard for other people, could have caused deep and irreparable damage to all of the children involved. We can only hope they aren’t noticing the stress and heartbreak going on in our homes and that it won’t affect them long-term.) [/FONT][/COLOR][COLOR=black][FONT=Arial][/FONT][/COLOR]

[COLOR=black][FONT=Arial]You should feel lucky because you can’t imagine what it’s like to realize your marriage is a sham – that it’s not at all what you thought it had been. That you’ve been the world’s biggest chump for a decade and that you are actually part of a failed marriage, but you had no clue.[/FONT][/COLOR][COLOR=black][FONT=Tahoma][/FONT][/COLOR]

[COLOR=black][FONT=Arial] [FONT=Arial]You should feel lucky because you can’t imagine what it’s like to feel the humiliation and pain when you have to sit in your doctor’s office and explain that the person you married – the person who you thought had your back for life – has been screwing around, and has potentially exposed you to STDs and possibly HIV. Essentially, you put your spouses’ lives at risk so you could screw. And you must have screwed hundreds of times over the course of 10 years. That is almost completely unforgivable. It is so big, and so vast, and so hard to comprehend. And so sickening, like a couple of shameless, mangy dogs humping and parting ways until the next foray.[/FONT]

 

[FONT=Arial]You should feel lucky because you can’t imagine what it’s like to find pain in every.little.thing. An old picture of the kids from 5 years ago. The first thing I think: “He was with (other woman) during that period.” A wedding portrait on the mantel: “Would I have married him if I’d known he would have screw me over for more than half the time we’ve been married?” I can’t even drive though town without having to cross Court Street, and recall that he used to park his car near her house and go into the back door for a nooner. Not to mention the triggers when I drive by any given parking ramp in town. Talk about skanky. [/FONT]

 

[FONT=Arial]You should feel lucky because you can’t imagine what it’s like to feel inadequate and filled with questions. To wonder why you “weren’t enough,” and to wonder why your spouse didn’t have the balls to just let you go before choosing to indulge and causing tremendous pain.[/FONT][/FONT][/COLOR][COLOR=black][FONT=Tahoma][/FONT][/COLOR]

[COLOR=black][FONT=Arial]You should feel lucky because you can’t imagine what it’s like to wonder – possibly for the rest of our lives -- if your spouse really loves you, is really committed to you, or is just afraid of losing face in front of the kids, the community, the boss, etc. Not to mention losing the house, spousal income, having to share custody, etc. Trust me, from my perspective, the thought that either of you were committed to your spouses during the last 10 years is nothing but laughable. [/FONT][/COLOR][COLOR=black][FONT=Arial]

 

[FONT=Arial]You should feel lucky because you can’t imagine what it’s like to feel [/FONT] [FONT=Arial]terrible every time a song or movie or even a commercial – and all of the above -- makes you think of all hurt that has been perpetuated by two selfish, cruel, entitled people. Hurt that you, alone, have to find a way to get past. Hurt that is the result of two people who were arrogant enough to crap and piss all over their own wedding vows in search of sex, fun and companionship while our marriages suffered as a result of resources spent elsewhere. Did you think you weren’t hurting anyone because no one knew? What does that say about your moral fiber, if you think deviant behavior is OK as long as no one finds out? [/FONT][/FONT][/COLOR][COLOR=black][FONT=Tahoma][/FONT][/COLOR]

[COLOR=black][FONT=Arial]You should feel lucky because you can’t imagine what it’s like to look at your spouse’s wedding ring, and recall the special moment when you picked it out with him, and now you know that it meant NOTHING for all those years -- that it was on every single time he boned the other woman. What a fraud.[/FONT][/COLOR][COLOR=black][FONT=Tahoma][/FONT][/COLOR]

[COLOR=black][FONT=Arial][/FONT][/COLOR]

[COLOR=black][FONT=Arial]You know what? Everyone likes to flirt. Everyone likes the idea that someone else is attracted to them. Everyone thinks about having sex with other people (though maybe not in parking ramps). But not everyone crosses that line. The bottom line is that you have heaped incredible hurt onto other people. [/FONT][/COLOR]

 

[COLOR=black][FONT=Arial]I hope you both can figure out what on earth is wrong with you. What is so broken in your psyche that you crossed these devastating boundaries with absolutely no regard for other people - including your children? Are you crazy? Personality disorder? Immature? Insecure? Midlife crisis? Own and face your dysfunction before you hurt anyone else.[/FONT][/COLOR][COLOR=black][FONT=Tahoma][/FONT][/COLOR]

[COLOR=black][FONT=Arial]Life has changed for everyone involved. Your carelessness will haunt all of us for a lifetime. [/FONT][/COLOR][COLOR=black][FONT=Arial]

 

[FONT=Arial]Please don’t take this as an invitation to contact each other and commiserate or reconnect. That can only end badly, (husband’s name). You already know the consequences of any further contact or involvement. And believe me, if my marriage ends because you two choose to mess with other peoples’ lives yet again, I will hold my head high and make sure everyone in this crappy little town knows exactly what led to the split. And I will make certain that children from both families will have that information, as well. [/FONT]

 

[FONT=Arial]I’m not interested in hearing back from you, (other woman). I just want you to have some small degree of knowledge about the pain that you two have caused. Yes, you probably have your own demons and pain, but it cannot begin to compare with the pain you’ve caused to other people. [/FONT][/FONT][/COLOR]

[COLOR=black][FONT=Arial][/FONT][/COLOR]

[COLOR=black][FONT=Arial]Your actions have consequences. You have completely destroyed some parts of other peoples’ lives. I hope you are proud of yourselves.[/FONT][/COLOR]

[FONT=Times New Roman][/FONT]

[Bryanp]

To CalGal,

 

I said that her marriage is based on honesty and respect or it is based on deceit and betrayal and the choice is hers. I understand that she decided on deceit and betrayal when she engaged in the affair. On the other hand, she has the option to come forth and be honest with her husband and change the dynamics of her marriage now so it is indeed based on honesty and respect. The foundation of her marriage is now based on lies, betrayal and disdain for her husband and her marriage. She has the opportunity to change all of the this by being honesty with her husband. They can work as a team to rebuild their marriage. Otherwise it like a cancer festering in the marriage and she continues to humiliate her husband by not being honest and upfront with him. Again she can chanage the dynamics of her marriage but only if she is open, honest, and respectful to her husband by now telling him the truth. Otherwise she continues to be a cake eater who continues to humiliate a husband who has given her a strong marriage for 20 years. Why does he deserve this? She can change this if she wishes. Again she would not expect her husband to do her what she is doing to him.

[Chump64]

Sorry about all the codes -- I tried to edit them out but I was not allowed.

 

Also, why do you assume your husband will never found out? Don't be a fool. I found out completely by accident, and they were VERY careful. It went on for 10 years before I stumbled across any evidence.

[cal gal]

Sorry about all the codes -- I tried to edit them out but I was not allowed.

 

Also, why do you assume your husband will never found out? Don't be a fool. I found out completely by accident, and they were VERY careful. It went on for 10 years before I stumbled across any evidence.

 

Chump64

 

How did you find out. What was it that tipped you off?

[Mz. Pixie]

You don't want to give him up, simple. You're getting something from the A that you're not getting elsewhere.

 

I know, I've been there.

 

Do not assume you won't get caught. I did and it ended up being worse than I could imagine. I was relatively careful as well.......

[Chump64]

Cal Gal, we both work at the same (large) institution. We can both access our work emails from home, using the same web based program. One night last spring, he was on the home computer and he had his work email up on the screen. I had been looking at my work email earlier in the night, and because we use the same web-based tool for email access (and it looks the same), I sat down thinking I still had my email up on the screen / started closing stuff down. I found two incriminating emails. He denied it / said it was friendly banter / tried to make me feel crazy. I became my own PI and hacked into his work computer and also recorded his phone conversations at his office.

 

Their affair was strictly a daytime affair. They talked on the phone and emailed every day, and met for "lunch" (sex) 1-3 times a week, almost always at her house.

 

How did you find out about your sitaution?

[jmargel]

briefly I am married 20 years.....two teenage children. My marriage is prob. 80% better than most..we are friends, we have a big social life and we have a pretty good sex life.

 

I got involved with a married man two years ago. It started as a flirtation and turned into a full blown love affair.

I have tried to walk away several times mainly due to guilt...

my husband to my knowledge has absolutely no idea anything at all is going on.

 

the type of person he is, it's been very easy to get away with it.

I guess you can say I love my husband and am in love with this other man.

the problem is the other man and I get very hot and heavy.....emotionally even more than physically. that part is amazing too.

 

I have never felt the way i do when I am with my other man. I know you can't compare an affair to a long term marriage. there are days i cant imagine leaving my family and days where all i want is a life with this other man. he is in a similar situation although there is no intimacy there at all from what he tells me. it is very hard for me to believe that they have not had sex in two years.

 

my question is, do you think he is lying about this? he travels 2 hours to see me for an hour and not for intimacy half the time.

Of course i know whole thing is wrong and when my conscience gets the best of me I walk away or try to at least and then end up back with him.

 

has anybody been in a similar situation? have you been able to walk away? how long to get over him and so on? if anyone has any feeback, please respond. I am new to this forum and just felt the need to share

 

I just look foward to the day that your husband finds out and your marriage of 20 years has crashed and burned. Only then can your husband move on and hopefully find a woman worthy (unlike you) of his love.

[Chump64]

Jmargel is right. You can't imagine the pain and devastation you will cause until you see it. At least that's what I hear from my (formerly) wayward spouse. He never thought he'd get caught. (And that makes it OK????) So he could never imagine the devastation it would cause.

 

You know what? You are potentially screwing up your kids' lives too. Have you thought about that? At their ages, they will know what's up. For them to have their mother revealed as a cheater will be a life-defining, devastating event. Why don't you just start a savings account for their therapy, right now?

[Brianschick]

Guest,

 

You are not ready to let go of the affair. Sure, you know it is wrong and you want to do the right thing but you can't yet. I know b/c I am a married woman who is having an affair too.

I guess I have no real advice to offer but when I think of ending my A, and I have lately, I know that I need to just stop calling him and stay as far away from him as possible....time will heal the rest

 

Good luck

[Mz. Pixie]

You know what? You are potentially screwing up your kids' lives too. Have you thought about that? At their ages, they will know what's up. For them to have their mother revealed as a cheater will be a life-defining, devastating event. Why don't you just start a savings account for their therapy, right now?

 

Yup, this is true. Are you prepared for the fact that your kids might overhear another parent talking about how "So and so's mom is a xhore". You may laugh because you think it won't happen to you.

 

Trust me, it can happen to you.

[Guest]

I know that I am not the only one out there in this situation not that that makes it right nor does it make me feel better.

I know how selfish I am being and I know I need to end this as soon as possible.

Not so sure on the part about telling my husband, although there are so many nights I lay there just wanting to tell him. I'm not quite sure though if I should be unloading my guilt on him. I have gone for therapy and my therapist who knows has seen my husband as well b/c we went there together fo a time, felt that it would not be the best idea.

he of course gave me all the stuff I am reading here about how detramental this affair is and can end up being.

as far as one of the posts talking about it being addiction, yes I most def. addicted to this man.

I have been reading so many websites on infidelity and all that it entails and of course it all is the same.

so, does anybody have advice on how to walk away. maybe some of you who have been there. I know it is easier said than done and I hope I haven't offended anyone on this forum, nor did I come here looking for "approval" for what I am doing.........thanks to all that respond

[KnowHowLoveFeels]

Dear Guest,

I understand how you feel because - believe it or not - I just recently pulled myself out of an obsession with a married man. At the time, I could not see what was so wrong with what I was doing. My ability to think logically was also severely compromised by the "thrill" of being with another man that I even convinced myself that I could someday become married to both men! Yeah, what a wacko!

Anyway, if you are sincerely trying to understand why you are doing this to yourself - because somewhere inside you, you can still remember that something doesn't ring right - then listen to this:

1. You will get caught. Are you prepared to live in a different lifestyle? Are you prepared to be hated by your children? If you don't realize what kind of danger you are putting yourself in, then I suggest that you STAY IN THIS FORUM, as I did, and read other people's stories. Your story is no more different than most people here, including my own. (If you do plan to stay on this forum, please register so that you can have your post updated faster.) We will help straighten you out and make you see the light again. But you have to be willing listen and AVOID any contact with the other man. (I know this is hard.)

2. Ask yourself why you are willing to put your whole future at risk. Think about it: you have a good family and a good husband. Your MM doesn't - he may need you, but you definitely don't need him. So why do you want to please him?? How can he possibly be worth more than your self respect and your husband's love for you? Ask yourself, what do YOU want out of this "thrill"? I know that for me, it was the sex, the excitement, the "high". But be assured that these feelings, though intense, can also be enjoyed with your husband and family if you put your mind to it.

 

Good luck. One more piece of advice: some people here are very, very BITTER because they had been in your husband's shoes. Do not get offended by their comments. Instead, think of their comments as something your husband would say in this forum if he found out about your affair. And don't be so naive to believe that he won't find out. He will if he wants to.

[Mz. Pixie]

so, does anybody have advice on how to walk away. maybe some of you who have been there. I know it is easier said than done and I hope I haven't offended anyone on this forum, nor did I come here looking for "approval" for what I am doing.........thanks to all that respond

 

Simply- you just say, I'm not going to do this anymore and mean it. You break things off with him.

 

It will be hard at first, VERY HARD. There will be days you will be minute to minute wanting to contact him- just don't do it. Keep yourself busy- work out- read- spend time with you family. Sit on your hands if you have to to keep yourself from e mailing or calling. Post here when you want to contact him.

 

I have been in your shoes and let me tell you, you're setting yourself up for unbelievable heartache. No one is going to care what has transpired when you get caught, you'll just be known as the whore who cheated. Not fair perhaps but that's what will happen. Get out now before the damage is worse.

[Guest]

well I want to just give an update as I am really trying to do the right thing and end this affair.

we were supposed to see each other today and I e-mailed him last night saying " I cant do today, I am sorry" of course I got two replies which I didnt respond to. I got 2 calls on my cell today that I did not pick up....I did however just write a mail........to sum it up, that regardless of how I feel, the pain and devastation this would cause my family, not to mention his is too much for me to bear.....that for two years we have been very lucky but I simply cant do this anymore. Just to let you know I have gone through this multiple times in the past two years........even changing my e-mail address.......only to let him back in.

I asked him not to contact me as this is something I need to do........

I dont know whether he will completely believe me as he has always had to deal with my flip-flopping so I guess time will just have to prove that this is truly the last goodbye....

I pray I have the strength........I really want to do this and make things right.

thank you all for your support and I hope continued support as I know I will need it........

[Bryanp]

It is good to see that you are trying and I wish you luck but it is sad that you do not have enough faith and respect in your husband to be honest and truthful to him. I think you do not tell him because it is self-serving to you and you do not wish to face the consequences of your actions. In addition, you know if you were honest with your husband the affair would definately be over for good. By not telling your husband you leave the door open to have it resume in the future with your flip flopping. It is so sad that you do not have the faith and love for your husband to be honest with him. You are making all the choices and your are allowing him to be ignorant about something that you know he has a right to know about. In short you continue to make your husband play the fool. If you truly loved him you would respect him enough to be honest with him. How sad that you do not.

[Guest]

I can appreciate what you are saying as far as being honest and telling my husband......first off everyone is diff. you do not know my husband. he is the type that doesnt want to know....we have had our issues in the past. i was honest many years ago about an attraction i had for someone and how unhappy I was at home and so forth.......all he wants is that i should not leave. there is a reason why people dont ask questions.........

in addition we have gone for couples therapy and individual therapy and my therapist knowing both of us said that he felt it would not be in the best interest of my husband for him to know.........

my punishment is living with the guilt of what I did......

every situation has diff. circumstances........

thank you for your thoughts though........there are many nights i want to just tell him almost as you said so that the affair will def. not continue but once those words are out......you can never take them back.......maybe one day, I will.

[KnowHowLoveFeels]

you do not know my husband. he is the type that doesnt want to know.....

 

Holy cow! This sounds just like MY husband! My husband has also told me many times that he doesn't want to know. I have always been honest with him and he trusts me completely. Yes, I made a horrible mistake by getting close to his friend. I regret that. I know that I will not do that again. But I am not going to punish my husband (and his bestfriend) by telling him.

 

 

there are many nights i want to just tell him almost as you said so that the affair will def. not continue but once those words are out......you can never take them back.......maybe one day, I will.

 

Ditto!

 

Guest, it is not easy to stop an affair. But trust that time will lessen the passion. Focus on other things. Keep yourself busy. Take up a new hobby. Do not contact your MM again. When the urge strikes, write what you want to say down and then delete it, or preoccupy yourself with another activity - fast! That's how I've been keeping myself sane. Good luck.

[Guest]

thank you so much for your support......

It's amazing when you realize you are not "alone" in this. Unfort. since it is such a secret that you cant share with your family and friends, it is so difficult to go through the "mourning" process b/c nobody can share that with you and help you through it....again part of our "punisment".......my therapist in the past had said ( because I have tried walking away many timess )that if there are days when the feelings overwhelm you to just feel them and then they will pass....not to analyze then or cover them up but to just feel what you need to feel and that's the only way you can let them go........

I guess just taking one day at a time is all I can do.........

are you still in the affair or no??? ( i forgot what you had said)

[jmargel]

He may not 'want to know' because it would be hard for him to bear the pain, but then in the same sentence he is also telling you in so many words that his trust for you is so high that he would never think you would do this to him. The ONLY way to get rid of this OM totally is to tell your husband. If your husband decides to stay with you then he would be your greatest asset in finally getting rid of this OM for good. You both could lean on each other.

 

You tried in the past doing this by yourself (getting rid of the OM) but it failed. What is different about this time? Nothing. This OM will come back again and you knowi it. It's probably gotten to a point that the only reason why you try to get rid of this OM is because you know it's not for good. It's a temporary guilt-reliever thinking you are doing something 'good' for once. Hate to tell you but you still aren't any better than from before.

 

It's time to take responsibility and face the consequences set beforth you. Your husband deserves to know all the information so that he can make his own decision on HIS marriage to you. He is living a lie and has been for 2 years. Everything you two have gone through together these past couple of years are tainted because of what you are doing. You are slowly taking your foundation apart brick by brick.. One day the house will fall down.

 

You know the inevidible is going to happen one day. Now is the time to stop things and tell your husband. There is no other alternative.