coasting Posted February 13, 2006 Posted February 13, 2006 I thought I was going to be able to get through Valentine's Day, but as yhe day approaches I am getting more and more depressed. The tears are falling and the pain is back. I did go out and buy myself some candy and the single rose, I ask for every year. The problem is Valentine's day is also my ex's and my anniversary.I do know I will not listen to the radio or watch any television tomorrow as it is all going to be about love. I think I will just hibernate for the day under the covers! Any suggestions as to what to do tomorrow?
fooled Posted February 13, 2006 Posted February 13, 2006 I have an evening planned with a buddy of mine watching our favorite TV show - but I think I will find it impossible to not wonder who she is with and where they are. I thought I could handle it too - but I obviously can't. I cannot for the life of me figure out WHY tomorrow will be any different than any other day. Its NOT. It's just a stupid day! I'm having a particularly bad day today.
jayteresa Posted February 13, 2006 Posted February 13, 2006 I too have an evening planned with one of my friends, we are both in the same boat so I imagine it going to be double as hard, but at least we have one another. I try to make out that i am not bothered but there are always those unessesary thoughts going on in the mind, wondering if he will do anything ( I know he wont ). Try to keep yourself busy, find a friend to do something with, or do something at home you have needed to do for a while. Sounds lame but it beats sitting there dwelling over things.
Author coasting Posted February 13, 2006 Author Posted February 13, 2006 I really don't know what I am going to do.....Maybe I will clean the apartment from top to bottom as if it is spring time.....I wish I knew someone close by who were in this situation.....It would have made it so much easier, but I will just have to deal with it. I don't think it is so much valetine's day as it is the anniversary....To me Valetine's Day was always just another day. I think getting a rose on a day whne you are not expecting it, or going out to dinner areso much more unexpected. I just know like you Fooled I am having a bad day......I miss him terribley, I do want him back, but I know it would never be the same. Well if it any consolation I will be thinking about all of you tomorrow. We are a special group of people here in LS!
Lonestar Posted February 14, 2006 Posted February 14, 2006 I said this in another thread, but I reserved my copy of Saw II today, which releases tomorrow and that's what I'll be watching for V-Day
riobikini Posted February 14, 2006 Posted February 14, 2006 RE: Whisnimz: " I will not listen to the radio or watch any television tomorrow as it is all going to be about love. I think I will just hibernate for the day under the covers! Any suggestions as to what to do tomorrow? " Dear W, I know what I want to do, -what my emotions are urging me to do- and it's a pretty sad scenario- but I cannot show that to my daughters. I want them to see a happy mommy, -and I'm going to give them that picture if it kills me. It won't. -Rio
jerbear Posted February 14, 2006 Posted February 14, 2006 I guess I'm one of the luckier ones. I have a class to attend with a paper due and get back home past 10pm. No hibernating, literally did that last week when I got the cold. -Jerbear
emotionsmessmeup Posted February 14, 2006 Posted February 14, 2006 i will do my taxes and perhaps eat malaysian food with couple of other single friends to unvalentine the day...
jen_jen_heartbroken Posted February 14, 2006 Posted February 14, 2006 I'll probably do what I've done for the past month. Go to work with a big lump in my throat. Come home. See his apartment light on or his car. Cry my eyes out. Try to eat. Sob some more. Try to sleep. Get up and do it all over again.
Art_Critic Posted February 14, 2006 Posted February 14, 2006 I know that you can't really do this.. but you need to move Jen Seeing his light on and car everyday keeps the scab picked.
jen_jen_heartbroken Posted February 14, 2006 Posted February 14, 2006 If I could, I would. I don't have the $ to move, and I'm stuck in a lease anyhow.
Art_Critic Posted February 14, 2006 Posted February 14, 2006 I know.. I'm sorry.. There was an employee years ago that married her next door neighbor and when the marriage failed they stopped renting the house next door and went back to being neighbors again.. It drove her nuts and killed her.. When he would bring a date home and hit the hot tub on the back deck she would sit in the windows with a pair of binoculars for hours at a time.. She finally moved on then sold the house
Author coasting Posted February 14, 2006 Author Posted February 14, 2006 That's almost as bad as working with the ex. I am up and have started the cleaning process, so by 8:00 tonight I will have a sparkley apartment and I will be exhausted and will be able to sleep beyong midnight, then this anniversary will be over and I can say I successfully made it through out first anniversary apart.....THANK GOD
Ariadne Posted February 14, 2006 Posted February 14, 2006 Happy Valentine's day people! Here's your card girls Ariadne
emotionsmessmeup Posted February 14, 2006 Posted February 14, 2006 thanks...that a really funny card...
fooled Posted February 14, 2006 Posted February 14, 2006 I hate today already. Don't know why. Today's no different - she's been scromping other guys throughout our whole relationship - and especially the last 2 months of it. Plus - as you know - I'm still angry as h*ell at her. And humiliated. And abandoned, etc. But still jealous. Really really jealous. Aimed at someone who lied to me and showed no respect for me. Honestly - I don't know what to do to turn this around in my mind so I don't f*cking FEEL for her anymore.
cal gal Posted February 14, 2006 Posted February 14, 2006 Could you possibly concentrate on the few characteristics that you found unattractive about her? I hate to say that - and it sounds mean - but does help me when I remind myself of the qualities in my ex husband that were very unkind. Then I don't want him taking up my happy mental space that is available. Just a suggestion....
fooled Posted February 14, 2006 Posted February 14, 2006 I do. The whole thing is just too ugly to forget. I really shouldn't care that such a cruel, selfish, deceptive user is spending the night with someone else. It's got to be just ego. Just the rejection.
WeaknPowerless Posted February 14, 2006 Posted February 14, 2006 I do. The whole thing is just too ugly to forget. I really shouldn't care that such a cruel, selfish, deceptive user is spending the night with someone else. It's got to be just ego. Just the rejection. I'm with you brother, 100%. My head says no, my heart says yes. I don't feel as if I have low self esteem or insecure, it's just this constant longing for someone I thought she was, and this incessant pain of her doing a 180 on everything SHE said. I hate being messed with, and she built me up and knocked me down. I have a problem with that.
Author coasting Posted February 14, 2006 Author Posted February 14, 2006 Well guys I am right there with you! I so want him back. I think it is the betrayla thing thing that has me nothered so much....But I am the same as you Weak, he built me up and then knocked me to the ground and then walked all over me....and I am feeling the pain all over again tonight! as with you fooled my head tells me NO, but my heart tells me YES!
fooled Posted February 14, 2006 Posted February 14, 2006 I'm just so bothered that she said everything right - she did everything right for months. Until the end - when her actions didn't back up her words. But by then, I was totally in love. I didn't even suspect anything until November. She is a totally professional liar. Knows the psychology of men completely and takes advantage of it. I'm afraid of finding someone else like that - who I won't discover until too late.
Author coasting Posted February 14, 2006 Author Posted February 14, 2006 i do understand that feeling as well.....he played me for a fool right up till the day he left leaving the note on the table. Actually it was beyond that, because he didn't think I would figure out that he moved in with someone who also works at the hospital....So they both played me for a fool....and to be honest I don't know that I will be able to trust ever again! It is so hard because I am 100 percent in love with him....Like I say you can brainwash the head but you can't brainwash the heart.
riobikini Posted February 15, 2006 Posted February 15, 2006 RE: WAP: " I don't feel as if I have low self esteem or insecure, it's just this constant longing for someone I thought she was, and this incessant pain of her doing a 180 on everything SHE said. I hate being messed with, and she built me up and knocked me down. I have a problem with that." We build our careers up, carve out decent lives, and walk around thinking we know exactly who we are, and where we're headed, feeling pretty confident and secure, until someone floats into our lives, causes us to feel emotions that we've never felt before, - and then changes everything we were so sure about -even ourselves- forever. The most confident, sophisticated, and educated person can be reduced to the state of an injured child by believing in a love that didn't work out for whatever reason. It somehow challenges how smart we think we are, -how intuitive, how clever. Except for the fact that we actually grasped the concept of love and totally embraced it passionately for a while, we could almost despise ourselves and choose to never seek it again, -but after having experienced it, and no matter how we wind up aching from the loss, -it's one experience we know in our core, that, now, we can never live without. Just that mere realization is enough to cause an internal debate or a battle of emotions in a person who has always 'had it together'. We dislike being victim to anything, anyone. And we most dislike being without the proper information. Feeling mislead brings us face to face with each one of those realizations about ourselves, in the most painful sense. I've felt the same feelings, had to face the same facts, -but I refuse to react to them in 'victim mode'. Instead, I take responsibility of as much of the failed relationship as I know I have to, -the rest, I put exactly where (and with whom) it belongs. I refuse to take on mistakes I know do not belong in my corner. Then I reconcile each of my own errors, forgive myself profusely, file everything for future reference when needed, and flush all the residual. It's a moment-to-moment, day-to-day process. I, sometimes, think it's going to get the best of me. But it works. Take Care. -Rio
WeaknPowerless Posted February 15, 2006 Posted February 15, 2006 We build our careers up, carve out decent lives, and walk around thinking we know exactly who we are, and where we're headed, feeling pretty confident and secure, until someone floats into our lives, causes us to feel emotions that we've never felt before, - and then changes everything we were so sure about -even ourselves- forever. That's it right there. I'm the first to admit my mistakes in every aspect of my life. I also acknowledge my accomplishments. This was the first for me though. First to reach another stratosphere of love, caring, sharing and emotions. Wow, what a fall from grace. Although wary of becoming smug in my life (I try to remain aware of the possibility of loss and failure), I basically figured that I had the pieces in place to advance myself from a young man, graduated from college, into something more. My partner was a part of this... You're so right in your response(s). All experience and wisdom that rings so true. My mind is strong, but it's no match for the heart, and it's such a paradox to deal with. My ego and pride wants to strip away what I gave to her, but I know that's not right. I'm beginning to feel that my maturity isn't what I think it is, and what I portray to others.
cal gal Posted February 15, 2006 Posted February 15, 2006 I was doing pretty good for most of the day - but I am usually so productive throughout a days time, and now I am feeling like TODAY SUCKS! I can't wait for today to be gone and finished. Already started a nice meal for me and my boys but even that isn't making me feel any better about today (I won't show my feelings to them though) as they love to kiss me on my neck until I giggle uncontrollably and twirl me around the room like I am a feather.... Gotta go get some music going - maybe that will help me....
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