Would you end a relationship where you felt inferior to your partner?

[lindya]

My ex always seemed to get nervous about maintaining eye contact with me for too long. Like most people, he could be a bit of a gimp at times. Unlike most people, his ego couldn't cope with the reality of his own gimpier aspects and moments...and perhaps the very fact that I bore witness to a lot of them was reason enough to not want to look me in the eye.

 

You don't want a partner who's intimidated by you, or who seems to dread the prospect of you being able to "see" them (however much you try to reassure them that you love what you see). It's a scenario that can give rise to fake behaviour that gradually reduces the level of respect you have for that person.

[newbby]

it is self destructive behaviour, that your "friend" needs to address somehow. the relationship obviously bought it out, but it was always there.

as for whether we are all equals or not, of course we are in essence.

[bluechocolate]

I would never be intimidated by anyone... ever. We are just all human beings.

 

Everyone has strengths and weaknesses, just depends if they are recognized and if that person can make the best of both.

 

I think if you know yourself well enough there is no reason to feel bad about anything, as long as you do right by others each day.

This is almost exactly how I feel about this topic.

 

Initially I didn't answer the thread because I would never find myself in a relationship where I felt inferior in the first place.

[cygny]

I think in the universal sense of course we all are important and have something to contribute--

 

as far as friendships and especially romantic partners go, however, there is something to be said for the idea that the other person should be "on your level" or near to it, if you want the relationship to last. that would mean different things to most people, i imagine. if a man wants to feel dominant, he'll go for a woman that is slightly below his own level.

 

raven, i'm wondering if the opposite is really true for your friend--perhaps he saw his youth as being superior to all your other attributes. that and his ability to 'play' so many women. the superiority in taking advantage of your naive trust in his sweetness. his 'charm' if you will. he seems to me to actually be quite arrogant (yes i know this typically goes with sense of inferiority, in a twisted kind of way)--but how it works is--first they feel inferior, they don't like that feeling, and to compensate they focus on their qualities that make them feel superior to you. so by playing you, he 'got his own back' so to speak. he took you down a few notches, in his mind.

 

i read an article this weekend that said women who have it all don't allow the man to have any territory to 'win', and that's why they go for less accomplished women. i don't know how true that is, but i can imagine that a man with a large ego would rather 'win' than feel equal.

[Woggle]

Relationships should not be about winning over your mate. People need to stop this power struggle crap and realize that a couple is supposed to be on the same team. Too many people have this warped view of relationships.

[Walk]

Can I chime in here?

 

I've always been attracked to highly intelligent men, and have felt "inferior" in a situations before. Granted, some of this may be my insecurities talking, but in other circumstances it wasn't just me that felt this way.

 

The OP didn't mean to make him feel inferior, but there may have been ways in which words were phrased, or statements made that could be taken harshly. An ex of mine would always say "Do you understand what I'm saying?" after explaining something to me or his friends. I attempted to explain to him that by saying that, it made other people feel he thought the subject was to complex for others to understand. He insisted that wasn't what he meant, he was asking to make sure he explained it correctly. That it wasn't meant as an insult, but to make sure he had communicated his thoughts clearly. He felt he wasn't making others feel inferior, and it wasn't his intention.

 

I could attribute this to low self-esteem, but all of his friends felt the same way too. It brought me no end of happiness when they would make fun of him for asking us if we understood whatever latest thing he was trying to explain.

 

And I've had other situations in which the person honestly did not see any way in which their words could've made someone feel inferior. But they make statements in such a way as to leave no room for another opinion or view. As if they are the resident expert on a subject.

 

I'm not saying you did this, you may not have. But I can't take your word for it since you don't feel you said or did anything to make him feel inferior. And I'm a little taken aback by your view on his "women friends". I can't recall what you called them, but it wasn't very nice. I know you said he referred to them as such, but does that give you (or anyone else) the right to refer to a group of people as 'less' then you? And if you are doing so, does that not prove you are viewing them and others as "inferior". Which would then prove that you did view him (even unintentionally) as inferior since he associated with such people? As less then you, since he went "back" to that type of person?

 

**I know the OP was quoting the guy, but she then uses the same expression to describe the type of women he went back to. If I respected someone, I would never describe the person they are attracted to as "slutty, stupid bimbo's", even if they had originally referred to them as such when first dating me. **

 

Hopefully I'm off base on this line of thought. And I sincerely apologize if I am.

[Raven1845]

The OP didn't mean to make him feel inferior, but there may have been ways in which words were phrased, or statements made that could be taken harshly.

 

I could attribute this to low self-esteem, but all of his friends felt the same way too.

 

And I'm a little taken aback by your view on his "women friends". I can't recall what you called them, but it wasn't very nice. I know you said he referred to them as such, but does that give you (or anyone else) the right to refer to a group of people as 'less' then you? And if you are doing so, does that not prove you are viewing them and others as "inferior". Which would then prove that you did view him (even unintentionally) as inferior since he associated with such people? As less then you, since he went "back" to that type of person?

 

Hopefully I'm off base on this line of thought. And I sincerely apologize if I am.

 

First off, no, this person is the only person that feels this way about me. Everyone else thinks I'm down to earth and in no way act as if I feel I'm superior to anyone. I would not even have to say anything. He would just make comments on my life out of his own insecurities. I never sat around trying to "teach" him anything.

 

Secondly, no, I do not put myself "above" anyone. It is not an opinion of what kind of girls he originally dated. It is a fact. He said it. His friends say it. And I "quoted" it.

 

Lastly, yes you are off base and do not know the entire story. The OP said nothing about being superior to ANYONE. What the OP was about is asking others if they have gone through anything like this, and could perhaps make some sense out of why a person would ever feel inferior to someone else.

 

I have never felt inferior or superior to ANYONE.

 

We are ALL very special, and we ALL have a lot to offer. Just in different ways and areas.

 

You do not know the story behind this guy. But that is another thread. This thread was merely asking if anyone else has ever felt this way or have had anything like this happen to them. I feel absolutely no need to have to defend anything I've typed.

 

Thank you for your input.

[Walk]

First off, no, this person is the only person that feels this way about me..........

........It is not an opinion of what kind of girls he originally dated. It is a fact. He said it. His friends say it. And I "quoted" it.

 

I said that you had orginally quoted him as referring to those woman as such. I wasn't saying you're an egotistical such and such.. I'm sorry if my words came across harshly. I really hadn't meant for them to. But sometimes people are unaware that they are acting/thinking superiorly (or discriminately) toward a group of people. I feel that a person who will generalize a broad group of woman as bimbo sluts is being discriminatory. If it's fact, then you are saying you also believe they are such. Or are you stating that they say it is fact, but you are withholding judgement?

 

Lastly, yes you are off base and do not know the entire story. The OP said nothing about being superior to ANYONE. What the OP was about is asking others if they have gone through anything like this, and could perhaps make some sense out of why a person would ever feel inferior to someone else.[/Quote]

 

Again... I'm sorry my post made you feel attacked. I should've read through my words again prior to posting, and softened the tone more. Words on the screen come across very negatively, and harshly. I had wanted to point out that people can come across as "high headed" even if that is not their intention. And that sometimes we need to look at our own behaviors in addition to assigning guilt to the other party. (NOT in anyway saying this is so... only saying all of us need to be introspective to see areas that may potentially need work.)

 

You do not know the story behind this guy. But that is another thread. This thread was merely asking if anyone else has ever felt this way or have had anything like this happen to them. I feel absolutely no need to have to defend anything I've typed. [/Quote]

 

I tried to explain in the post that I did not know your full story. My post was simply my singular opinion. I have met many people who would claim they are the most open minded, non-judgmental people on the face of the earth, and yet will blatantly issue a statement about a group of people.

 

You said I misread your post, and that the second reference to them as bimbo sluts was not your thought or opinion of the women he is dating now. Yet, you said (above) that it is a fact that they are what you quoted. I find it odd that you would refer to them as such. To me, that implies that you are judging a group of women as bimbo sluts (or whatever he called them.) I guess I don't understand how you can say it is a fact and yet maintain that you don't feel superior? I feel that by saying it's a fact, you are judging them as inferior to you. Personally, I know too many people who should fall into a generalized category of hick, or trailer trash, or bimbo slut, but who are fabulous, wonderful people that I love hanging out with. I wouldn't want to generalize all people as such because I know that each human is an individual. If you truly believe no one is inferior to another, then why do you say it is fact, and lump them into a derogatory category?

 

Again... this is just my view. I read your post from a different view, and provided feedback on such. I was attempting to point out that sometimes people do act superior to others and aren't aware of it. I was attempting to give an example based on your post on how I felt you were sounding "superior" without possibly knowing you were. I'm not stating you think you are, or that you are lording it over people. Only that you are sounding as though you feel you are superior to a group of people your ex chose to date. You did request responses based on why would someone feel inferior, and I was giving you my opinion. However, you know yourself best, and if you feel this is not the case, then it is better that he has moved on.

[Raven1845]

Walk,

 

You're certainly entitled to your own opinion.

 

'nuff said.

 

Cheers,

Raven

[cygny]

it's also true that alot of times people who feel a little insecure or "less than" will project onto a person who appears to have it together, that he/she thinks he/she's superior. this 'superior' person then needs to go to some lengths to prove that he/she is 'regular guy/girl'. and we all know the adage about a woman having to hide her smarts. i've seen this happen IRL many many times.

[Raven1845]

it's also true that alot of times people who feel a little insecure or "less than" will project onto a person who appears to have it together, that he/she thinks he/she's superior. this 'superior' person then needs to go to some lengths to prove that he/she is 'regular guy/girl'. and we all know the adage about a woman having to hide her smarts. i've seen this happen IRL many many times.

 

Thanks, cygny.

[TheSwordfish]

I've got the flue so I'm actually less of a man then I ussually am. I was thinking about teh behaviour of the guy in the starting post.

 

Maybe if you have a girl, that is succesfull, lives in a completely different world, has a job, and therefor not much time to spend, you might get insecure.

 

What I don't understand however, is him being sort of yealous.

[cygny]

I've got the flue so I'm actually less of a man then I ussually am.