leilab Posted February 13, 2006 Posted February 13, 2006 It's been a really, really long time since I posted........... Nearly 2 years ago, I was married and seeing a MM. It was the same situation as described here over and over again. Totally in love with MM, man of my dreams, soul mate, never loved anyone like me,,,,blah,blah, blah......... Yes, he did not leave his wife. The day he told her that he wanteda divorce, was the day he decided for sure that he was going to stay. The difference, my friends, is that men and women are not the same. Men will go back to their wives because they DO like the status quo; women will not. Once a women has given their heart & soul to another man, we CANNOT go back. My pain has been like a bad wound that will not heal. It scabs, and then opens up again. It has been close to 2 years............the answer to the question many women ask. When will the pain go away????? For me it has been an incredible haul with no end in site. FINALLY.........after meeting many, many other guys, I actually meet someone I am interested in. I am totally shocked about it myself. We have gone out once or twice a week since January and this weekend I found myself realizing that for the first time since my MM I actually have feelings for another man again. And it felt really good. We went out on Saturday night and had a really good time, ended up at my place. It was so nice to cuddle up to a man again. He had asked me to go skiing next weekend with him and in preparation I wanted him to spend the night......which he tried to do. But he has been single for a long time and had a really hard time going to sleep. He ended up leaving around 2:00 a.m. Next morning he calls and we have a fairly disjointed conversation. He is questioning whether I am going skiing and then ends up talking about relationship issues and how he is not sure that he want to take on my two kids. A whole bunch of issues come up in the conversation. Later when we talk, he tells me that he thinks I am emotionally ahead of him........and that he is afraid we are going to go down a road where we both like each other too much and encounter an obstacle we cannot overcome (my kids!!)...... I asked him on to make a choice: 1) we see each other 2) we do not, and I leave. Darned, he picks the latter option, telling me that "in the both of our best interest, we should call it off now".................WOW!!!! I left. That is what I said I would do. Boy, am I feeling crappy about the whole thing. I was in the process of finally enjoying another guy, and actually have feelings, and I get dumped. Do I dare say it??? I think I was actually falling for this guy. Should I be happy that I am finally over MM??? Or should I give in to being totally bummed over my new loss??? HELP!!!!!!!!!!!!!
whichwayisup Posted February 13, 2006 Posted February 13, 2006 Wow the title of your post...My name. Ofcourse you should be happy in one sense, that the MM is no longer part of your life hurting you and ruining your heart. And as for this other guy, well, look at it this way - Better to know he isn't right for you NOW rather than further down the road. Especially if he can't handle the fact you have kids. They are part of the deal here so if a guy doesn't want to stick around because of that one thing, he isn't the guy for you!!! Positives now - You gained self confidence by allowing your heart to grow with him. You did it once you can do it again, in time when you're ready. Learn from this. If he feels you were abit too intense or it moved quickly, the next time, relax and enjoy things slowly...I don't know how long he was in your life, but obviously long enough to develope serious feelings. It's all good though so try not to be too down about it. Good luck and keep posting!!
Barby Posted February 13, 2006 Posted February 13, 2006 First off let me say............I'm sorry for your pain. BUT it's better that he ended it with you now....better that your two children didn't become emotionally attached to a guy who didn't want anything to do with them. It's good that you're being a mother first and a woman second, too many women go the other way and forget their motherhood roles/responsibility in pursuit of their womanly needs......... Congrads on being or beggining to get over your "MM" and I hope this one bad experience won't turn you away from dating. Don't give up, remember everything happens for a reason!
lolax Posted February 13, 2006 Posted February 13, 2006 firstly a big hug god what a story, i feel your pain and im truly sorry for you!! well at least youve been able to see the light at the end of the tunnel, you can feel for another man!! may i ask what was your relationship like with your married man??? did you feel a lot of hurt while you were together??? did he let you down much? ive been seeing a married guy for over 5 months.....and i think im in love ...though not sure as truly believe never been in love before! it certainly is a strain on the old heart strings. there are plenty of other guys out there for you, just dont look too hard, just take time,look for fun firstly not commitment just enjoy yourself! how old are you and your kids? im a single parent living in london with my 4 children its hard !! hey lifes a bitch good luck to you x:)
Author leilab Posted February 13, 2006 Author Posted February 13, 2006 thx guys.............. One thing I have learned from the past 2 years, is that I rather read and post here than discuss with a counselor, or even my friends. BARBY - I think I remember you back from when I originally posted in 2004. You have been here a long time. I will have to read up on what u have been doing. And you are right. I also truly believe that everything happens for a reason. WHICH WAY IS UP - Yes, I think I took it pretty slow. I know it is about having fun first. But when I with dating other guys, I would rather stay at home, and clean house, than go out with them. Much less have them touch me.......kiss me......hug me......anything. I would really have to push myself to go out on a 2nd date. This guy was different. I actually enjoyed being with him, and oh my God, yes, even getting between the sheets with him. It was very good. Not as good as with MM, but pretty close. Which is unbelievable. There was no talk of love, or anything like that. I asked him what he meant about that I was emotionally ahead of him and he said it was the "closeness" he felt from me.........I cuddled up to him in bed???? LOLAX - I am 43 with 2 kids, 8 and 12. My advice, RUN, RUN, RUN while you can. I would have never in a million years believed that my MM would have left me. He only let me down 1x. When he went home to tell him wife that he wanted a divorce. And then it was over............. I think my post is still on file. Same name. My relationship with him was like being in heaven. Yes, there were disappointments, but I saw him every day, and we would spend every Friday together... all day. I did not feel hurt...he consumed me 100% and I believed WE WOULD BE TOGETHER...That it it would just take time. And I had time. And I was willing to wait. I was 100% convinced we were meant to be together forever.....that we were soul mates. As I am writing, I am starting to cry. Not sure anymore whether it is for him or the new guy.
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