GiveAndTake Posted February 13, 2006 Posted February 13, 2006 I've been dating a guy a couple of months. some background on him... He's staying in an apartment at his parents right now. He's out of work on worker's comp since about a week after we started dating. (fell off a roof at work and broke his wrist/arm in 3 places) He lives about 5 minutes from me. (We live on Long Island, NY) We see each other, talk on the phone, IM each other every day basically. Especially since he's out of work. I have a computer job so I have plenty of time for IM's, phone etc... I should say, our relationship was pretty rocky for a while with him out of work. He's been edgy and we've fought quite a bit. However, when the following occured, we were ok. His ex-wife and their son moved from Florida to Pennsylvania staying with friends about a month ago. (about 3 hours from here) He says she's very flaky and moves quite often and he hasn't seen his son in about 6 months. (his son is 12) Since moving to PA last month, she talked about moving upstate (8 hrs from here) and a few other places. Last week, she came here (without the son) to Long Island to visit friends etc... and asked him if he wanted to ride back to PA with her to see their son. This was Thursday. He went with her. I was fine with that. He needed to see his son. He told me he'd be back Saturday night and would take a train or bus and asked if I could pick him up at the station when the time came. I said yes. I should say, I got the impression that his ex wants him back. He gave me the impression that it will never happen on his part. I'm not really the insecure type and felt he really should go see his son. He called me from his cell on Friday morning about 11am. He was all mushy and sweet and said he'd call that night. Today is Monday and I have not heard from him since. His cell is off. He has no voice mail set up yet. (it's a fairly new cell) I called his mom yesterday to see if she had heard from him. She hasn't. She said that's not unusual for him though. He's a grown man. But at this point because he hadn't called me, she was worried and asked me to tell him to call her if I hear from him. I laughed with her on the phone and said "maybe he isn't coming back" She said "oh my, I hope that isn't the case. That woman is nuts" We were only half serious however, still no word from him. Granted, there was a blizzard in PA (started Sat afternoon and ended late Sun) and worse here on Long Island. I'm going through all these crazy things in my head about what could have happened. Did they lose power? Is is cell not working. I just think that some how some way he could have gotten word to me what's going on. Or at least to his mom. I know they have a computer because the majority of his communication with his ex was on IM. I don't know what to think. What do you all think? Am I jumping the gun? If he's ok and just hasn't called, I should be pretty damn mad, no? This just boggles me.
bluechocolate Posted February 13, 2006 Posted February 13, 2006 He told you he'd be back on Saturday night & arranged for you to pick him up & it's now Monday & you haven't heard a word from him?! I think practically the only excuse he could come up with that you should accept is a blow to the head causing amnesia & while he was unconscious, but before help got to him, someone stole his wallet & all his ID.
Author GiveAndTake Posted February 13, 2006 Author Posted February 13, 2006 Thank you for your reply. Because of the blizzard that started Saturday, I didn't really expect that he'd be home Saturday night. Just a phone call, email or IM I expected. He better damn well have amnesia....lol
bluechocolate Posted February 13, 2006 Posted February 13, 2006 I'm sure the blizzard didn't cut off all computer and/or telephones, did it? You're right, the very least he should have done is just a phone call, email or an IM. It will be interesting to hear what he has to say when you do eventually hear from him. You've only been dating a few months so you still have much to learn about each other - you may just have been given a valuable lesson here. (of course if he has been lying in a ditch or unconscious in hospital somewhere you'd feel pretty bad I suppose.....)
Butterflying Posted February 13, 2006 Posted February 13, 2006 I am so sorry for how you must feel. I've been abandoned before and it was the worse feeling I've ever had. I hope he hasn't abandoned you. Even if he has deciced to get back together with his X, I hope he is mature enough to explain it to you.
Author GiveAndTake Posted February 13, 2006 Author Posted February 13, 2006 Thank you for your reply. It's likely if he did reconsile with his ex, he'd be wary about telling his mom and me I suppose. It's starting to sound as if he may have gotten back together with her. I don't know what else to think. I don't want to be in denial here. Is that what it sounds like to any of you? It's 1pm Monday here, the blizzard is over and still no word.
silverbeamer Posted February 13, 2006 Posted February 13, 2006 This one is tough... if his cell phone is usually attached to his hip and now he hasn't gotten in touch with you something is happening. If he does call you this afternoon and say that he couldn't/didn't call because of the storm are you actually going to buy it? Will you believe that nothing happened with the ex? While you may trust him- do you trust his ex?
Author GiveAndTake Posted February 13, 2006 Author Posted February 13, 2006 I don't know what to think. He told me she's crazy and unpredictable. They broke up 6 years ago because he came home early one day and she was in their bedroom on top of someone. I'm kinda leaning towards them getting back together but he's not sure about it yet so he's waiting to see if it works out first. Until I hear from him, it's all speculation. I'm just going crazy wondering.
Author GiveAndTake Posted February 13, 2006 Author Posted February 13, 2006 I called his mom again about 4:30 pm and she still hadn't heard from him. She said his father just got home and she was going to have his father call someone in PA and ask if he's ok. (Neither of them talk to his ex wife) She called me back about 5pm and said, "we didn't speak with him but did speak with the friend and he's ok". His mom didn't give me any details but was very sweet and said not to worry about it and he does this all the time. "He's very inconsiderate but not to worry. When he gets back I'm sure it'll all be fine". UM, NO! Now I'm really pissed because he's ok. Should I not even answer the phone if and when he calls or just hear him out? I'm just so pissed right now but still curious as to what he has to say for himself. Tomorrow is Valentine's Day and before he left, he kept talking about how nice it would be on our first Valentine's Day together etc... I guess I'm just miserable about this whole thing. Give me some words of wisdom please. Anyone???
roxy_1980 Posted February 14, 2006 Posted February 14, 2006 "He's very inconsiderate" is MOM-speak for "My son's an @$$hole". Seems like you're in for a bumpy ride even if he is coming back. In my opinion, you should be asking yourself: "Am I really willing to put it up with this $hit over and over again throughout this relationship?" Sorry I have to be blunt, but his mom is giving you a hint here. Roxy
bluechocolate Posted February 14, 2006 Posted February 14, 2006 Should I not even answer the phone if and when he calls or just hear him out? Seems to me like him & the crazy woman are good for each other. If you're not interested in going out with him any longer (and you'd be crazy if you were IMO), then don't answer the phone. Don't even give him the satisfaction of knowing he's pissed you off or hurt your feelings. Just write him off & consider yourself saved from months, possibly even years, more of misery.
Author GiveAndTake Posted February 14, 2006 Author Posted February 14, 2006 Thank you all for your advice. I'm done with him! I deleted my email address and instant messenger (I only used that email/IM for 3 people and I've contacted the other 2 already) Unfortunately,(or maybe it's better) he won't know they are deleted if he tries IM'g or emailing. Yahoo takes 90 days to remove from the server. But, I will not pick up the phone if he calls! This is the beginning of my No Contact. I may need all of you along the way if you don't mind. Give me strength....lol
jerbear Posted February 14, 2006 Posted February 14, 2006 This is the beginning of my No Contact. I may need all of you along the way if you don't mind. Give me strength....lol Great job and getting the strength to taking the first step!
Citizen Erased Posted February 14, 2006 Posted February 14, 2006 I wouldnt be so hasty with NC if I were you. I would definetely reconsider the relationship, but I dont think in this case you will get any closure if you dont pick up that phone when he calls, and talk to him. It will probably drive you crazy asking yourself whether or not he has gotten back with his ex. Listen to what he has to say because you could be making a mistake which you could regret
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