brightskies Posted February 13, 2006 Posted February 13, 2006 Been dating ML for about a month now. There's chemistry but we've both been taking it slow. Four dates and no kissing/hand-holding. I guess we're both turtles? He wrote in an email that he really wanted to be more affectionate but sensed that I'm still a bit nervous so he's held off. He was out of town this past week for work and wanted to meet up either over the weekend or during the week. He got back late on Saturday and I couldn't meet up on Sunday, so, I said during the coming week would be better. He hasn't brought it up again. Am I reading too much into this or is he actively avoiding the "Valentine's Day" date? He works freelance and said he might have to work on the 14th. I'm trying to give him the benefit of the doubt. Although I wonder, is this a bad sign? Do you think he has a V-day date with someone else? Is it too soon to be wanting a V-day date? Yeah, I know, it's kind of cheesy but I go for this stuff. I'm mildly disappointed that he didn't bring it up, but I don't want to push. What do you think? Should I have brought it up myself? Dating is so confusing.
Walk Posted February 13, 2006 Posted February 13, 2006 I think before you read too much more into this, that you need to be a bit more communicative about your desires. You were right on when you said dating is confusing. He may be as unsure of how to handle V-day as much as you are. Especially if the two of you haven't been dating very long. That's a tough spot to be in. If he goes all out on V-day, then you may feel pressured and run. If he doesn't do enough, then you'll think he doesn't like/love you that much. If he gets you something small but you get him something huge, then he's going to feel like a schmuck. Best course of action, and the hardest, is give him a call and explain what you want, and what outcome you'd like to see. Ask him if you can spend a portion of valentines day with him. It might work better if you define the limits. Like tell him you know he's busy, but could you get together for a couple hours for an early dinner or something. Then give him an out at the end of dinner. Tell him you know he's busy so you'll head home after dinner, but would enjoy a good meal with him. I just remember how hard it was the first valentines day in a new relationship. It always fell so early in a relationship. Scared the heck outta me. I didn't know the other persons expectations, or anything. I hardly even knew the person. And it seemed like so much pressure. You have to get the right gift, do the right things, and all the while hope that it was what your SO had wanted. I was lucky in a couple relationships. We talked about our expectations prior to the holiday, so I felt a little more secure in how it was going to go. So try talking to him about what you want from him, or what would make you happy. Might take some of the pressure off of him, and he won't avoid you so blatantly because he's scared of bungling it with you.
Author brightskies Posted February 14, 2006 Author Posted February 14, 2006 He may be as unsure of how to handle V-day as much as you are. Especially if the two of you haven't been dating very long. That's a tough spot to be in. ... I just remember how hard it was the first valentines day in a new relationship. It always fell so early in a relationship. Scared the heck outta me. I didn't know the other persons expectations, or anything. I hardly even knew the person. And it seemed like so much pressure. Hi Walk, Thanks so much for replying. Your advice really helped me take a step back and relax. I agree, it's a lot of pressure and can be scary, if you think about the "symbolism" attached to the day. Well, I hemmed and hawed and thought about calling him with your suggestion. But this afternoon he made it easy for me and sent a funny text: He said to call him if I wanted to know what he was like drunk because I had mentioned before that I was curious. He was home from being out with his crew for a wrap (job closing) dinner. So, I called and we were talking and joking and he said he's more "forthcoming" when he's drunk. Somewhere along the line, I asked, "So, how's your dating going?" And he said he was only seeing me. He also said, "I like you." Which was really nice to hear, but I don't want to expect too much. We haven't discussed being exclusive yet or anything like that. But honestly, I really like this guy and I'm not looking for anyone else. Other guys have shown interest but I've only been polite and not encouraging. I didn't mention anything about V-day but he brought it up himself! I think you were right, that he was nervous like I was and didn't really know how to deal with it. He kind of danced around it and finally asked if I wanted to go out -- he said he was hesitating 'cause he didn't know where he stood, etc., etc. He also said that he'd rather take me out on a day that wasn't "Hallmark-dictated" but he still wanted to see me. He was so funny and shy about the whole thing, it was really charming. Then I said it would be fine to meet on another night if he were uncomfortable about the whole Valentine's thing. I was just happy that he asked! Anyway, we both agreed that it would be too crazy to go out for dinner tomorrow because everywhere would be packed (some people reserve months in advance?!) and we'd rather do a nice dinner out on a calmer night. So he's picking me up after swimming class to go see the house that he's working on/temporarily living in for the first time. We're getting delivery and watching a movie. And I'm going to stink like chlorine! How's that for romantic? I'm really excited to see him!
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