POTAMO Posted February 13, 2006 Posted February 13, 2006 I have a quick question has anyone come across this. My ex is emailing, IMing and Txting me but yet she will not call. I have been in NC for just over a month and do see the point in being contacted via email, IM, or TXT I have told her that is not a way to be in or work on our relationship and yet I receive no call but I do receive the occational email, IM and txt. Have any of you experianced this b4 I don't want to really responded to this I think she at least owes me a phone call if she wants to talk. I don't know if I am being unfair I mean she is at least trying to contact me, but come on now how hard is it 2 pick up the phone and ring me. Any advice would you respond or wait for a phone call. I don't want to give up the NC and have not but I would at least consider speaking with her if she was willing to pick up the phone and ring me. Thanks for any advice. P
whattofeel Posted February 13, 2006 Posted February 13, 2006 Are you sure your ex isn't me? I guess I can try to relate to what is going through your ex's mind when it comes to contacting you. I have been also going through 1.5 months of NC with my ex bf and even though I've texted and emailed him (i didn't IM him only because he's never online or maybe he blocked me, whichever the case I have no clue) I have not gotten a response from him. Mind you it was me who chose to broke off the friendship after 2 months of contact after our breakup (he broke up with me). This was due to the fact that he just never put in that much effort in even keeping our friendship alive, and believe me, I really tried on my part in suggesting on seeing each other, hanging out and getting to know each other better (we started going out as soon as we knew each other since we both felt the same level of attraction). I'm not really familiar with the situation between you and your ex and how you guys broke up, but if she was the one who called off the relationship or friendship with you for whatever reason it is, then from my point of view it's probably because she's not really sure how you'll react to her when she contacts you, especially since you've been ignoring her emails, texts, and IMs. She's trying to test the waters and see how you'll respond to her contacting you, and since she's not hearing back from you, then she probably would feel that if she calls you you probably won't be picking up her calls or ignoring her, just like how you are with her IMs. Now I'm not saying that you should go ahead and break NC with her, by all means if she treated you really badly and you were the one hurt or was dumped, then you should continue NC and just disregard any contact she makes with you, especially if you're trying to move on. I may be able to give you better advice for your situation if you give me some more details as to what happened between you and her -whattofeel
CaliGuy Posted February 13, 2006 Posted February 13, 2006 I have been also going through 1.5 months of NC with my ex bf and even though I've texted and emailed him (i didn't IM him only because he's never online or maybe he blocked me, *please note, I'm not trying to be rude or sarcastic* These two statements seem to contradict each other. NC means you make no attempt to contact them, unless of course the next statement is true. whichever the case I have no clue) I have not gotten a response from him. If this is true then as the dumpee, how does it make you feel to know he is not contacting you? And since you dumped him, just out of curiosity, why are you trying to contact him?
whattofeel Posted February 13, 2006 Posted February 13, 2006 CaliGuy: Sorry if the message I posted was confusing, but what I meant was that he broke up with me, then we kept in contact for 2 months trying to be friends, but I started to feel like I was putting all the effort in while he was blowing hot and cold in terms of staying friends with me (asking me to hang out and then blowing me off last minute when I asked to confirm, and he did this 3 times). Therefore I told him that I was breaking off my friendship with him because he kept hurting me by always blowing me off. I'm only trying to contact him recently because I don't want us to be on bad terms or anything, since I haven't heard from him, although he keeps ignoring the emails and TXTs I've been sending him, so I'm not sure if I'm supposed to take it as him not caring at all or if he's just pissed at me by not being more understanding to his reasons for not spending more time with me as friends. So in a sense, yes I broke NC recently, even though I tried to keep it up for a month or so after I told him that I didn't want to be friends with him anymore.
CaliGuy Posted February 13, 2006 Posted February 13, 2006 CaliGuy: Sorry if the message I posted was confusing, but what I meant was that he broke up with me, then we kept in contact for 2 months trying to be friends, but I started to feel like I was putting all the effort in while he was blowing hot and cold in terms of staying friends with me (asking me to hang out and then blowing me off last minute when I asked to confirm, and he did this 3 times). Therefore I told him that I was breaking off my friendship with him because he kept hurting me by always blowing me off. I'm only trying to contact him recently because I don't want us to be on bad terms or anything, since I haven't heard from him, although he keeps ignoring the emails and TXTs I've been sending him, so I'm not sure if I'm supposed to take it as him not caring at all or if he's just pissed at me by not being more understanding to his reasons for not spending more time with me as friends. So in a sense, yes I broke NC recently, even though I tried to keep it up for a month or so after I told him that I didn't want to be friends with him anymore. At this point it seems that he doesn't want to continue the relationship. Being friends with an Ex is a bad idea, expecially if you still love them. It's impossible to get over them and will only delay the healing process and impede your ability to find someone else. Maybe one day you can be friends with him, after you're married, but at least while your feelings are strong for him you're better off sticking to NC.
whattofeel Posted February 13, 2006 Posted February 13, 2006 At this point it seems that he doesn't want to continue the relationship. Being friends with an Ex is a bad idea, expecially if you still love them. It's impossible to get over them and will only delay the healing process and impede your ability to find someone else. Maybe one day you can be friends with him, after you're married, but at least while your feelings are strong for him you're better off sticking to NC. The thing is is that we got together a week after we met each other, so we didn't even have a solid friendship to build on, and so that's why I'm not sure if a friendship can still be built now that we're not together anymore. Since he was the one who insisted that we keep in contact, I would figure that even though I asked to break off the friendship because he would back down on his promises to come hang out with me that he would relent and at least care some to give me a genuine response. And what made even less sense to me was the fact that he would always initiate contact with me first through email and IM while we were still friends but was always flaky when we made plans to go hang out. So now I'm making the first step in contacting him, but I guess since he's not responding then maybe I should step back into NC although I would do anything to try to stay and be his friend.
Lonestar Posted February 13, 2006 Posted February 13, 2006 Sounds to me like he's trying to string you along through texts, IMs, and emails. He can say what he wants without having to participate in a conversation with you. If he wanted to be with you, he'd call, trust me. What he's doing is only a way to stroke his ego because your responses are reminding him that you're still there waiting in the wings.
TeaCooler Posted February 13, 2006 Posted February 13, 2006 I have a quick question has anyone come across this. My ex is emailing, IMing and Txting me but yet she will not call. I have been in NC for just over a month and do see the point in being contacted via email, IM, or TXT I have told her that is not a way to be in or work on our relationship and yet I receive no call but I do receive the occational email, IM and txt. Have any of you experianced this b4 I don't want to really responded to this I think she at least owes me a phone call if she wants to talk. I don't know if I am being unfair I mean she is at least trying to contact me, but come on now how hard is it 2 pick up the phone and ring me. Any advice would you respond or wait for a phone call. I don't want to give up the NC and have not but I would at least consider speaking with her if she was willing to pick up the phone and ring me. Thanks for any advice. P she is keeping touch with you in a removed way. she probably feels calling is too personal. if she is like lots of girls, she's doing the "just want to make you think about me" contact. she wants to keep track of you and what you're doing, and know she's on your mind. this won't last. if she wanted to talk to you, she would call. not responding is the way to go. what i don't get is, what part of "no contact" do people not understand?
Author POTAMO Posted February 17, 2006 Author Posted February 17, 2006 not responding is the way to go. what i don't get is, what part of "no contact" do people not understand? IM NOT!! Sorry for not responding Vday was hard and and I tried not to think about things and continued NC therefore I have been a bit withdrawn and have not come back to LS until now. Thanks for your messages TeaCooler and CG. Your right TC she is keeping in touch with me in a removed way. I do believe she does care about me the question is to what degree, I am continuing NC as hard as it is but if she truly wants to keep track of me and what I am doing then why has she not called me? She realize that I am not going to respond to IM, TXT or emails, so if she really want to know what up then call me. How could she know I am on her mind I have not spoke with her or responded to any messages in months as hard as it is for me, but at the end of the day that is what I need to try and move on. You are correct no respond is the way to go and that is exactly what I have done. What she needs to understand is I am not here when she needs me and I feel I have made that clear to her by not contacted her. My question is why does she think I want anything to do with her after all is she just decide one day that she needed time and space and the next thing was she was moving out. I know I can’t control her I tried hard to reason with her and tried to work things out and for a while thing where going well but then at the end she told me she does not want to be in a relationship anymore and was not out there looking for an new relationship either; that part I don’t believe but anyhow. I am TRYING to move on with my life as hard as it is but I just wish I would not receive email, TXT and IMs just to see how I am and hope that we can talk some day. I want nothing more then to reconcile but I also know it take TWO and right now she in not at that point in her life and might never be. Confused as usual!!! P
Recommended Posts