GoingDownSwinging Posted February 13, 2006 Posted February 13, 2006 This post is not only to ask for advice...it is also to warn all the dumpees about what can happen when you think you want to "work things out"... For those of you who don't know my situation I have included a link to my original post... http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t80557/ So, basically we have continued to talk (although I said I wouldn't talk to him for 60 days)...he has kept calling and telling me that he misses me and doesn't want to lose me forever but that we just can't be together any time soon. Flash forward to last Super Bowl Sunday. We had gotten into a huge fight earlier that day and I was really upset. That night, he calls me and tells me that he misses me and wants to work things out. I think his exact words were something along the lines of "I want to put the past behind us. What would you say if I told you that I wanted to get back together?" Of course, I broke down in tears and thought I had finally gotten to the point I had been so desperate to reach. The next day his attitude had completely changed. He told me that he didn't want to be back together just yet and that he was confused and didn't know exactly what he wanted. We continued to talk several times a day, and finally on Wednesday night I told him that we just couldn't talk anymore. I turned off my phone and left it off until 5pm on thursday. When I finally turned it back on he had called about 20 times and had left me several voicemails as well as sent me several text messages. So, of course, me being the sucker that I am, we began to talk again. Flash forward to Saturday. We ended up getting in another huge fight and he basically told me AGAIN that he didn't want to talk anymore. At first I was really upset, but then came to the realization that this was probably the best thing. So, I went to work Saturday night and made sure to leave my phone in my car so that I wouldn't be tempted to call him. During my break, I went out to my car to get my phone (I just couldn't resist the temptation anymore) and low and behold, he had called me 5 times and had sent me 4 text messages. Right when I got to my phone, he was calling again. When I answered he sounded upset and began to talk about how much he wanted to be with me and how sorry he was for the things he had done to me. Let me mention, that he had just attended his sister's wedding right before he began calling. He told me that the preacher at the wedding had read some verses about love and that he and his mom had talked about me and this had somehow made him realize that he wanted to be with me. So we talked last night after I got off and he told me how much he loved me blah blah blah. We talked about 10 times today and then about an hour ago he tells me that we can't be together and that we shouldn't talk. AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! I am so hurt, confused, and am not sure how to handle this... I want to warn all of you dumpees out there...this is what will happen if you continue to have contact with your ex. Please, please, please adhere to NC. If I would have had the strength to not talk to him I would have a month or so of NC under my belt and probably wouldn't be hurting as bad as I am right now. Once again I need your insight on what to do...
curly Posted February 13, 2006 Posted February 13, 2006 And I thought my ex was the master of the "flip/flop!" Your ex has truly become an expert. Also (& I'm reading between the lines and making assumptions, so forgive me if I'm off base) but it sounds like when he wants to get back together is after he's been drinking. Super Bowl.. Wedding.. just a theory. You know what you should do already. NO CONTACT. Do not fall back on that decision. He's playing around with your heart. Maybe not on purpose but he's pushing and pulling you all over the place. It's ridiculous. No one can survive that. I know it seems extreme, but I think you would be better off changing your phone number. Don't let him get it. Then he'll see that you're very serious about not speaking to him. Don't worry, if he wants to reach you, he will. But I don't think he'll ever be serious about you anytime soon. Give him and yourself (most especially) the distance this situation requires. Let him stew in what he's done. Meanwhile, you need to start your healing process. It's going to be painful. But you're setting up a precedent situation in which he knows that you'll give him time and energy whenever he wants. Think about what you want. Bottom line: Advice - do not contact him, do not reply to anything he says. Time is your only ally. Cold comfort in the middle of the night, I know. Time doesn't hold you and go to the movies with you, but you are your best friend. Take yourself to the movies. I had an epiphany several months ago and I hope it might help you. "If you want to be taken seriously, you must take yourself seriously." Your heart and emotions are serious to you. Make certain that everyone in your life takes them as serious as you do. Good luck & change your number.
heartnsoul Posted February 13, 2006 Posted February 13, 2006 I want to warn all of you dumpees out there...this is what will happen if you continue to have contact with your ex. Please, please, please adhere to NC. Once again I need your insight on what to do... ^^I think you may've answered your own question here^^ Curly couldn't have said it any better....agree 100%
Citizen Erased Posted February 13, 2006 Posted February 13, 2006 Absolutely under NO CIRCUMSTANCES are you to call him. He is a total player and you need to get rid of him NOW! He is not taking a notice at all of your feelings and is expecting you to be there for him when he is having his little merry-go-round ride which is this relationship. You know the drill, he wants to get back together, you are hopeful and then he does the same thing again. Even if it does stop and you get back together, there will always be the suspicion there lurking in the back of your mind that he will break up with you again and this will cause fights. It is uesless. Throw your number away, get a new one and start the healing process because there are a million guys out there who are 100 times better than he is and you have earnt to have a good relationship after all you have gone through with this. Good luck
realeve20 Posted February 13, 2006 Posted February 13, 2006 This post is not only to ask for advice...it is also to warn all the dumpees about what can happen when you think you want to "work things out"... For those of you who don't know my situation I have included a link to my original post... http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t80557/ So, basically we have continued to talk (although I said I wouldn't talk to him for 60 days)...he has kept calling and telling me that he misses me and doesn't want to lose me forever but that we just can't be together any time soon. Flash forward to last Super Bowl Sunday. We had gotten into a huge fight earlier that day and I was really upset. That night, he calls me and tells me that he misses me and wants to work things out. I think his exact words were something along the lines of "I want to put the past behind us. What would you say if I told you that I wanted to get back together?" Of course, I broke down in tears and thought I had finally gotten to the point I had been so desperate to reach. The next day his attitude had completely changed. He told me that he didn't want to be back together just yet and that he was confused and didn't know exactly what he wanted. We continued to talk several times a day, and finally on Wednesday night I told him that we just couldn't talk anymore. I turned off my phone and left it off until 5pm on thursday. When I finally turned it back on he had called about 20 times and had left me several voicemails as well as sent me several text messages. So, of course, me being the sucker that I am, we began to talk again. Flash forward to Saturday. We ended up getting in another huge fight and he basically told me AGAIN that he didn't want to talk anymore. At first I was really upset, but then came to the realization that this was probably the best thing. So, I went to work Saturday night and made sure to leave my phone in my car so that I wouldn't be tempted to call him. During my break, I went out to my car to get my phone (I just couldn't resist the temptation anymore) and low and behold, he had called me 5 times and had sent me 4 text messages. Right when I got to my phone, he was calling again. When I answered he sounded upset and began to talk about how much he wanted to be with me and how sorry he was for the things he had done to me. Let me mention, that he had just attended his sister's wedding right before he began calling. He told me that the preacher at the wedding had read some verses about love and that he and his mom had talked about me and this had somehow made him realize that he wanted to be with me. So we talked last night after I got off and he told me how much he loved me blah blah blah. We talked about 10 times today and then about an hour ago he tells me that we can't be together and that we shouldn't talk. AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! I am so hurt, confused, and am not sure how to handle this... I want to warn all of you dumpees out there...this is what will happen if you continue to have contact with your ex. Please, please, please adhere to NC. If I would have had the strength to not talk to him I would have a month or so of NC under my belt and probably wouldn't be hurting as bad as I am right now. Once again I need your insight on what to do... Hello every one I am back. Please do not waist time on someone who gets angry over little things, has an alcohol problem and is full of crap to begin with! I met my ex last week and he try to slip his way into my heart but it did not work. He asked me like have I changed and he is still doing the same things as all ways. God bless you take care.
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