Walk Posted February 13, 2006 Posted February 13, 2006 He's probably got some issue with v-day that he hasn't told you about, and you in some way triggered it. He's not right to blow up at you. How long have the two of you been dating? I don't think I have any great advice/suggestion. I think the mature road would be to talk to your partner, but you can't do that until the both of you cool off. If it's a few day's or a week, don't talk until you can both do so rationally. If this is the first and only time he's pitched a fit like this, give him the benefit of the doubt. I know I've had so many repulsive things done to me on Valentines day, that I've really built up a lot of animosity about it. It could've been a knee jerk reaction to something he's tried to bury. But... that doesn't excuse his reaction. And you should attempt to explain to him how it affected you. If he is willing to accept that his behavior was over blown for the situation, and discuss it with you calmly then I think the two of you can have a future. If his response is to get angry again, and make it your fault. Then you need to understand he will repeat this senario again and again, and the frequency and duration will grow over time. Then it will become an abusive relationship. It all depends on how he see's his actions. If he honestly understands that it wasn't you, and he's willing to apologize or change his behavior, then good to go. If not, take it as a huge red warning, and get the hell out of there. Fast.
Author Candied-Heart Posted February 13, 2006 Author Posted February 13, 2006 On a strange note - Last V Day he was O/S on business though he arranged for Lilies to be delivered to my house. We've been together for 14 ish months. Maybe he just doesn't want to make a big deal every year about it? I mean, to be fair, he randomly buys me flowers and gifts at any time he wants, not to mention all of our important dates in the year. Ah who knows. I'll just give it some time and not worry anymore about it until he can discuss this properly.
SuperMonk Posted February 13, 2006 Posted February 13, 2006 I think it's kinda unfair to make this guy seem like a jerk, do you know him or his story with the author of the this thread? I didn't think so. When someone spouts off like that, it's usually a reaction of how he is currently being treated by someone else. Dunno, in my experience when girls beat around the bush and only talk to you "when they need you" when most of the time the girl ignores you. I'd be mad too. On another note, Valentine's Day is a joke. A scam holiday so people can waste more money. Why give gifts on this very day? Treat it like any other day, don't let big business control your mind, little women.
jen_jen_heartbroken Posted February 14, 2006 Posted February 14, 2006 a guy once told me that valentine's day was a litmus test--whether to get a gift, how much to spend, it all condensed and focused his deeper feelings about a girl--and if she wasn't what he really wanted, he found a way around the whole deal. Guess V-day really stands for Verdict Day.
HokeyReligions Posted February 14, 2006 Posted February 14, 2006 That's what I meant. He rarely treats me this way. And now I am in a situation where I have to choose to walk away because of his behavior today, or invest in more time with him in the belief that this won't happen again and that he can learn from it, as well as me. Now whether that's by my ignoring him for a while and getting some firm ground, or by talking things through with him, or a mix of both, I don't know yet. We all blow up sometimes over stupid stuff - par for the course. If you need some distance for a while, let him know about it and tell him you need to think about both of your rolls in the argument and not just about his. You said it yourself. He can lean from it, as well as me. Express that to him and then take a few days. Don't just ignore him though without giving him some feedback as to why. Then make a date with him to talk it over and move past it and have some fun. He hurt your feelings and that happens, but it doesn't have to mean the relationship ends because of it and communicating that now will hopefully avoid a build-up of resentment and anger during the time apart -- on both sides.
Author Candied-Heart Posted February 15, 2006 Author Posted February 15, 2006 He called that night and I deliberated over not answering but did so. I learnt some things about him and expressed my upset and anger over certain things he does and I asked him to do the same. My main problem during this phone call, was that in the whole time we've been together I had yet to hear an apology [whereby it was his fault] that didn't include 'but you....' I believe it is not an apology when someone furthers those words with an excuse as to why they acted a certain way. I explained that I agreed it is important to explain your actions when you apologise, but not to include the other persons actions as part of your opportunity to apologise. To me that seems pointless to say you're sorry. Well, I went to bed with a little more of a clear mind, though I was a little unsure as to what to do regarding V Day. So I planned to keep my night free for myself and have fun on my own. On the morning of V Day he sent me a text wishing me a happy Valentines day and so forth, and later in the day gave me a call apologising and asking that I come see him at 8pm. I did. He greeted me at the door and led me to the dinner table where some beautiful tall white lilies stood, with a card and a key to his house, along with dinner, home made, and my favorite white wine. It didn't 'fix' everything but it meant a lot and turned around the mood of Valentines Day for the both of us.
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