ILSO Posted February 12, 2006 Posted February 12, 2006 My situation is two part: I am beeing accused of Hit and Run My GF is very upset with my actions. The facts: I left the scene of an accident, the police, courts, etc. know about this. I will be punished for my actions. No one was injured, I panicked for many different reasons and left the scene. My life has been hell since this occured. I only have 5 people I can tell my situation to, one of whom is my attorney. I feel very alone, scared, like my part in this world is comming to an end. My GF is very upset. I have told her everything and she questions me. Sometimes, I get physicaly sick and throw up from everything. I need any feedback I can get, and I will take negative response, I need to here it all and discuss it. Sick
Outcast Posted February 12, 2006 Posted February 12, 2006 Go see a counsellor and get help and ask your gf to go to some sessions with you. You seem genuinely remorseful, which is a good thing. If your gf questions the sincerity of your remorse, then get a counsellor involved. Thank heavens nobody was hurt.
Author ILSO Posted February 12, 2006 Author Posted February 12, 2006 You are correct, I am extremly remorseful. I have offered through my attorney to do what ever I can to make things rite with the person I hit. He say's this not a good idea. I am seeking 2nd oppinions from multiple attorneys,as I feel his ideas don't meet my needs to deal with my actions. My GF is very much agasinst counselors. However I will put the idea before her.
clandestinidad Posted February 12, 2006 Posted February 12, 2006 Why would she be so against counselors!??!
Tony Posted February 12, 2006 Senior Moderators Posted February 12, 2006 If your girlfriend can't be supportive of you during a time like this, I'd say it was an excellent sign she would not be there for you in a more serious relationship...like marriage. If you have been seeing her for a good while and she lacks the depth of understanding to comprehend exactly why you did this and to be forgiving and accepting (after giving you a bit of grief, which would be understandable) I would count her attitutde as a sign from the heavens that you are with the wrong lady. While she may have the right to be somewhat upset initially, I don't think anybody on your team would remain that way. She is the one who need counselling. In my complete examination of your conduct here, except for your infraction, you have acted totally appropriately. A mature person would not judge your panic reaction which caused you to leave the scene. I don't think you'll ever do that again. Also, trust me, your world isn't coming to an end. Frankly, I think it is coming together. You are learning who your real friends are, you are learning who you can trust, you are learning integrity, you are learning consequences of actions, etc. You're getting a real advance degree in life. A few months from now, all this will be history and you'll be a better person for what are now unfortunate cirucmstances.
Author ILSO Posted February 12, 2006 Author Posted February 12, 2006 About counselors, I have not asked her on this issue, that is an open option. I hope she does not use this incident to judge me, for a permanent partner. I don't feel that because I said I want to be with forever she is required to put up iwth anything I do. However, some assurance that whatever becomes me would be more than reassuring at this point. I work my hardest do make the relationship work, I made a huge mistake. I feel punished from all sides. My record was clean until my mistake, now I feel like hell, and now where to turn. I don't want someone to say oh we all make mistakes. I need help getting through a majior mistake, putting it behind me, and doing anything I can to never let this happen again. Thanks, ILSO
bluechocolate Posted February 12, 2006 Posted February 12, 2006 I feel very alone, scared, like my part in this world is comming to an end. You did a stupid thing & no one was injured. I understand how this can be traumatic, but why is your world coming to an end over this? And what is your girl friend so upset about? She should be a source of comfort & support, not mistrust & questions. I have offered through my attorney to do what ever I can to make things rite with the person I hit. He say's this not a good idea. If no one was hurt I'm assuming we're talking about property damage here(?). In which case I would imagine that respective insurance companies will cover the loss/repair of property. What do you think you could/should do to make things right? Generally when an attorney advises you that something is not a good idea they usually have a good reason. What explanation were you given? I am seeking 2nd oppinions from multiple attorneys,as I feel his ideas don't meet my needs to deal with my actions. I doubt another attorney would meet your needs in this regard, whatever those are.
Tony Posted February 12, 2006 Senior Moderators Posted February 12, 2006 I don't want someone to say oh we all make mistakes. I need help getting through a majior mistake, putting it behind me, and doing anything I can to never let this happen again. YOU are putting your ownself through this and YOU are the one who has to stop doing that. If you don't think you can stop the type of defeatist thinking you are engaging in, a therapist can help you. As I said above, a true and sincere partner would not make you feel like you were going through hell. The right partner would be understanding and supportive. True friends would do the same. It doesn't appear you are as ready to see that as you implied in your first post so I will butt out of this thread.
cal gal Posted February 12, 2006 Posted February 12, 2006 You are sick and upset because your conscience is telling you to do the right thing. You will feel much better about yourself and the whole situation if you admit to what you did wrong and try to repair it the best you can. Take any penalty you have to to have peace of mind. You will sleep better.
whichwayisup Posted February 12, 2006 Posted February 12, 2006 Right now this isn't about your girlfriend, it is about you. So, if you feel the need to talk to a therapist DO IT. SHE should be happy as a clam that you're reaching out for help. I feel for you, I can tell that you're very sincere and devastated by your actions...Speak from your heart, be honest and do exactly what is necessary to make it all OK. I'm assuming this is your first and only time DUI, so another thing to consider is going to some AA meetings, do some volunteer work as well. I hope your girlfriend sticks by you...You are showing maturity right now, where as the other night you didn't. It is hard to admit a big mistake, but you're dealing with it now. (I think I may have told her to really think about her options on another post recently...) Be honest and talk to her about everything too. INclude eachother's families as well, the more support you can get the better it is for you.
cal gal Posted February 12, 2006 Posted February 12, 2006 I feel for you, I can tell that you're very sincere and devastated by your actions...Speak from your heart, be honest and do exactly what is necessary to make it all OK. I'm assuming this is your first and only time DUI, so another thing to consider is going to some AA meetings, do some volunteer work as well. Did I miss something? I never saw an indication of a DUI? I thought he said hit and run? No injury even! What's up?
whichwayisup Posted February 12, 2006 Posted February 12, 2006 Unless it's two separate situations, the girlfriend posted about this the other night and said that he drank 2 beers. Injury or not, he still left the scene caused by him.
whichwayisup Posted February 13, 2006 Posted February 13, 2006 OK, I'm abit confused....Are you the boyfriend of this poster? http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t81817/
hidemenow Posted February 14, 2006 Posted February 14, 2006 Yup, ILSO and hidemenow are an item. Same incident...different threads...different perspective. We're coping with it, and I am supporting him, while I am also struggling with the reality of the offense. You're right in saying that we both need to understand how this affects our r/s. Is he responsible...am I loving and supportive....? BTW, I have spent all my discretionary time studying criminal law in our state so I can advise him on the best legal approach.
clandestinidad Posted February 14, 2006 Posted February 14, 2006 Hey guys....youre actually not supposed to post with each other. Keep your threads separate and dont mention each others member names
whichwayisup Posted February 14, 2006 Posted February 14, 2006 I just hope you allow him to go to therapy if he chooses to do so. He mentioned that you weren't too thrilled about him seeking therapy to help him cope. I think coming clean, fixing yourself is a brave and wise thing to do.
Author ILSO Posted February 15, 2006 Author Posted February 15, 2006 My GF would completly support my going to therapy. THis thread took off, and got confused. I am uncomfortable with continuming this thread at this point in time. I felt like 'what is said here stays here' or that there is a certain amount aninymity, hence the screen names. In the future I may choose to comeback and visit this for the purpose of edcation, understanding, learning, etc. Untill then, I'm no longer contributing to this thread.
whichwayisup Posted February 15, 2006 Posted February 15, 2006 Good luck ILSO, I really do hope that things go well for you. I'm sorry that this happened to you though, you seem like a good guy. My GF is very much agasinst counselors. However I will put the idea before her. Just confused me, as you said in the above she was against them...That's all and that is why I put my comment in about her letting you go to therapy. Take care.
Recommended Posts