demonspawn Posted February 12, 2006 Posted February 12, 2006 I have been with this girl for a year and a few months. She is 20 and I am 22. She just broke up with me today...She did it because even though she admits im a really nice guy and that she loves me, shes not IN love with me. I just recently fell for her, it took me a while, but thats just the way i am, but I did tell her that i loved her about a month ago. But, No matter what I did for her and how well i respected her and treated her thoughout her relationship, that wasnt enough. She is even a virgin and I was planning to wait as long as it takes and never thought about pressuring her into sex. What i dont get is her last Bf, she was completely in love with this guy and was going to lose her virginity to him(she had told me this when we were dating), but he landed up breaking up with her since she would not put out, and on top of that, he was a complete jerk(local reputation). I even asked her why and what can I do to help her or if we can compromise things, but she said there was nothing I can do, but she did admit she has to learn to think for herself. She was really old fashioned and im more modern, but I did everything i could to cater to her needs. I am really hurt at the moment, but i dont know what to do or if something like this is even worth saving...I just dont get WHY she couldnt love me, i dont mean to brag but im a really respectful, caring, honest and faithful guy and I told her these things before and never had this problem with other girls I was with in the past. Any advice would help..thank you very much
Starfish Posted February 12, 2006 Posted February 12, 2006 Demon - I'm really sorry that you're going through this, for the hurt and pain you feel. I don't have much advice to offer, and for that I'm sorry. But what I can tell you is that, IMO, her feeling the way that she does may have quite a bit to do with her age. I don't say that to insinuate that ALL 20 year old women don't want a good guy. I am just speaking from my own experience. It took me a loong time to want and appreciate a good guy. I am 29 years old, and it has been within the last few years that I have realized the importance of having a bf that is "respectful, caring, honest and faithful" (more so as of the last few months). When I was 20, all I wanted to date were the "bad boys" - the guys that were a bit hard to get, the guys that had a slight bit of an attitude, etc. It's not that I was turned off by a good guy. I was just more attracted to their polar opposite. And the truth is that, to this day, I don't quite know why... I know it's not going to take away the hurt that you feel, but just know that there will come a day when she realizes just how good she had it with you. As for what to do, I don't know that there's anything you should do or even can do. If she has made up her mind, she is going to have to be the one to come back to you. If you keep trying to pursue it, you run the risk of pushing her further away... I wish you the best of luck. Starfish
clynn Posted February 12, 2006 Posted February 12, 2006 This is very sad. Why would she go out with you for so long (a year and a few months!?!?) without loving you???? The unfortunate truth remains, however, that you cannot make someone love you, no matter what. It is her silly fault. I will say that I made mistakes when younger and let some very decent good men pass me by because I was too hung up on someone else or was still wanting to "look around". I had unrealistic expectations of love at that age. It is coming back at me now - now I find men who are looking for the same thing I was back then!
batesal Posted February 12, 2006 Posted February 12, 2006 Sorry Demon. 1st off I am a guy going through the same thing. I know exactly how you feel. I was with my EX for 3 years, and the 1st two years we were perfect. Then we moved in togehter (HER DECISION). Things were great from the get go. Then a week into Jan after she told me the same exact line that your EX said. She told me that she didn't want to be in a relationship anymore. Anything that I said to her, didn't work. I begged and pleaded, but it wouldn't work. The last realtionship she was in was a abusive one. I treated her like gold. I really love this girl. She would talk to me about kid names, were we would live and stuff like that, then all of a sudden she doesn't want to be with me anymore. That happened a month ago and I am still hurting. I was a very honest, caring loving guy. You know I felt that my EX used me to help her get over her abusive EX (before me) and then after she felt that she had enough courage to tell me she didn't want to be with me anymore, she did. I may be completely wrong, but that was what I felt. (I am not saying that she did that to you at all, I just read in a book that sometimes people use other people to make them feel better about themselves). Basically all I can tell you is that from what I have been going through and talking to people on this forum, the more you talk to her (on the phone or voice contact) then you will hurt more and you will WANT to question her decision and it will upset her. YOU have to be strong. I know that you LOVE this girl to death and that you feel that you cannot continue life without her, but as long as you find things to do with your time, remove items that remind you of her, and stop listening and watching those love movies/songs, and the hardest thing, NOT call her, you will be fine.
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