stephInDaDistrict Posted February 12, 2006 Posted February 12, 2006 I have been in a relationship for 3 months. It was a love at first sight thing, we met at 3am while I was walking to the metro, and have literally been inseperable until about 1 month ago. Well we mutually decided to leave eachother. I left for 5 days and got advice from an older lady in my hood who told me to have a one night stand to forget about my boy. WELL IT DIDNT WORK. In fact it made things so much worse. I left before the boy even got out the bathroom. Well me and my boo got back 2gether and I told him the truth. He was so hurt and he told me the truth about some things but he told me he never slept with them. So then I left again cuz he said he couldnt accept it. Well make a long story so short, I stay in hotels alot cuz I dont like my family. Well it just so happens he does the same thing. Like I said it was weird... were so alike. The morning before we met, I saw him. IN THE SAME HOTEL PARKING LOT. We had gotten a room at the same place the night before we met. Weird, huh?? Well anyways, last thursday (last week) I got some advice (this time from a man his same age, LOL) I got a hotel room and the boy told me if I call my man in the morning, and he doesnt rush right to me, like "man where you at, Iam on my way.." then he didnt truly love me. (I hadnt seen him in like 5 days.) Well I called him and he rushed right to my hotel and we made up. This past week however, we started to stay with his mom to save some chalupa and we got in a fight and he smacked me. He told his mom, and she told him he was making excuses for himself. He apologized and even cryed. Problem: I have been in a abusive relationship with my ex. I know the patterns. But this is different. I feel his love and this connection between us. DO you think were going through something, cuz of our lifestyles or is he really just an a**h*** out to break my heart? Or was him smacking me built up anger from me sleeping with someone else?? At least I was honest, cuz I was ashamed and I love him.....
Sassy84 Posted February 12, 2006 Posted February 12, 2006 There is never an excuse for someone to hit you, regardless if you slept with someone else or not... If you really think that you want him in your life insist that he deal with his anger and either forgive you (I mean really forgive and not just for the moment), or admit that he can't so you can move on. Then you need to address the smacking thing...maybe anger management or a sincere promise never to do it again. You know what they say..."Screw me once shame on you, screw me twice shame on me." Just know what you are willing to put up with and lay it out for him. You never deserve to be hit....never.
Author stephInDaDistrict Posted February 12, 2006 Author Posted February 12, 2006 Thanks for an honest real answer, I havent been getting many of those. I just keep getting "LEAVE THAT BUM!!" But its not like he is some enraged drunk wearing a dirty wife beater screaming "Look what you did to me!" beating my ass. I mean have you seen movies where the girl gets slapped and actually deserved it? Well I failed to mention all the things I do wrong too. I dont blame myself for his anger issues which are apparent, but I know I can trigger them. Sometimes I dont think before I speak, and make some huge mistakes myself. I ****ing cheated on him, but at least I was honest enough to tell him. Most girls would have never said anything and let it be.
justagirliegirl Posted February 12, 2006 Posted February 12, 2006 You are making excuses for his unacceptable behavior. You have only been with this guy for a few months you are already fighting and he has hit you. You said you have been in other abusive relationships; well this is one too. Real love with a decent person doesn't look like that. I have been with my bf for about 1 1/2 years and he has never ever laid a hand on me nor has he ever called me a name. We barely argue at all.
Author stephInDaDistrict Posted February 12, 2006 Author Posted February 12, 2006 I know, and I have been in one other abusive relationship where after that, I never had a hand laid on me by anyone else until now. But this all goes so much deeper than me getting smacked, I dont know if I can interpret where he really is. Like I said, ever since this had happend, he has been treating me better I would say. But IT WAS WRONG. Like he just called me to check on me and see how I was doing. (he's outside wit the fellas) Iam confused. If he didnt want to be with me, he would let me leave and wouldnt bother to call if he didnt care. point blank, I just wanna know do you think that this kind of brother can be saved, cuz he is so sensitive, handles his business in most other aspects, never disrespected my until then and all, but for some reason I trigger this anger in him, or maybe its not me, at all.
SuperMonk Posted February 13, 2006 Posted February 13, 2006 Victims of Domestic Abuse sometimes rationalize that their partner really loves them because if they didn't, they'd leave. But why would they when the insecure man can hit a woman if he feels angry and the insecure woman takes it like punching bag. You're not his wife, dump him. Oh yeah, and never listen to women advice if it concerns relationships or even about fixing your car. A woman will say "Sleep with another man" or "Dress sexier" or "Play mind games" A man will say "Ignore him, Move on" or "Work on your life"
justagirliegirl Posted February 13, 2006 Posted February 13, 2006 I know, and I have been in one other abusive relationship where after that, I never had a hand laid on me by anyone else until now. But this all goes so much deeper than me getting smacked, I dont know if I can interpret where he really is. Like I said, ever since this had happend, he has been treating me better I would say. But IT WAS WRONG. Like he just called me to check on me and see how I was doing. (he's outside wit the fellas) Iam confused. If he didnt want to be with me, he would let me leave and wouldnt bother to call if he didnt care. point blank, I just wanna know do you think that this kind of brother can be saved, cuz he is so sensitive, handles his business in most other aspects, never disrespected my until then and all, but for some reason I trigger this anger in him, or maybe its not me, at all. That is part of of the trap thinking you can save or fix someone else. You aren't his therapist. No, abusers just don't leave you. They are sometimes nice. If he wasn't nice sometimes you never would have gone out with him or stay with him. I was married to one for many many years. Sure he called me, did things for me, and stayed with me. I was the one who left. It got really old being called every filthy name in the book and raged at and so on. If you look at this guy's past relationships you will find he was mean to them too.
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