cygny Posted February 11, 2006 Posted February 11, 2006 guys what makes you decide whether to keep a girl as a friendly contact or ask her out? there have been a few guys that seemed to show romantic interest but then it fizzled out before going out or maybe after the first or second date. any comments? is it to do with her being not flirty enough? too literal etc? too aloof maybe?
witabix Posted February 11, 2006 Posted February 11, 2006 For me it is all about personality, and behaviour. Yea, that covers nearly everything, I know! I guess its a two way thing, if I don't get the vibes that she is interested or I am not that into her, after to getting to know her, then I will leave it as casual friends. I have never been buddies with a female friend, I can't seem to do that successfully, hormones always get in the way.
HotCaliGirl Posted February 11, 2006 Posted February 11, 2006 I have never been buddies with a female friend, I can't seem to do that successfully, hormones always get in the way. That's a good point, I think that's why so many women like to be friends with gay men.
loony Posted February 11, 2006 Posted February 11, 2006 Don't worry, judging by your avatar I don't think they put you in the friends zone, but some guys are just too lazy to really go after a woman.
Curmudgeon Posted February 11, 2006 Posted February 11, 2006 I think that sometimes there is a fear that if you move the friendship beyond the friend zone and into romantic territory you risk desytoying the friendship if the romance doesn't work out. Therefore, you stay in the frend zone and settle for it. A bit over 14 years ago I became friends with a woman at work and to do so took a lot of hard work on my part but I really admired and respected her, as well as finding her rather intriguing. She was someone whose good side I wanted to get and stay on. Three years later she promoted out of my agency into another, allied one and we still worked together on occasion as we were both in the same policy area. The friendship continued and we enhanced one another professionally in the arena of politics and public policy. At the same time my former marriage of 25 years headed south and I divorced the ex. Two years after the divorce I "risked" asking my friend out and planned a "safe" date without romantic overtones. I simply wanted to spend some adult time with her on a bit of a day trip ~~ nice company and good conversation with someone I felt comfortable with. Long story short, we were married eight weeks later. Asking her out was decidedly a calculated risk but, thankfully, the right one. Best of all, we're still friends.
witabix Posted February 11, 2006 Posted February 11, 2006 That's a good point, I think that's why so many women like to be friends with gay men. Indeed, it was their hormones that got in the way. Not mine. I still wonder why that would seem to be the case, the gay guy thing I mean. Are they hoping they can 'cure' them? I don't think its because they get some perspective on male thinking, I imagine a gay guy has a totally different view of women to a straight guy. But I have to say that the gay guy/straight woman friendship seems to be a real possibility.
Author cygny Posted February 11, 2006 Author Posted February 11, 2006 curmudgeon i love your story! i was wondering if the "put out in 3 dates or you're out" could qualify as a female friendzone--but i think rather than friends, the woman just gets dropped.
Author cygny Posted February 11, 2006 Author Posted February 11, 2006 Indeed, it was their hormones that got in the way. Not mine. I still wonder why that would seem to be the case, the gay guy thing I mean. Are they hoping they can 'cure' them? I don't think its because they get some perspective on male thinking, I imagine a gay guy has a totally different view of women to a straight guy. But I have to say that the gay guy/straight woman friendship seems to be a real possibility. i live and work amongst alot of gay men and what i notice is that the 'predatory lustful' attitude is absent, so the friendship is natural. but i do have friends who fall for gay men because they seem more sensitive to feelings and less of a threat, and then they hope to change them.
TheTallOne Posted February 11, 2006 Posted February 11, 2006 but i do have friends who fall for gay men because they seem more sensitive to feelings and less of a threat, and then they hope to change them. hahahahaha.... Oh, how women (and men) love challenges.
amerikajin Posted February 11, 2006 Posted February 11, 2006 There are several paths to the friends zone. Frankly, if there's a spark I will always leave the option of romance on the table, given the right time and circumstances. I think what I look for is romantic interest in exchange for romantic interest. If I see that I am investing more feelings into the relationship I might be willing to give it some time as long as I feel that there's progress being made. But if I sense things are going in the other direction or simply stagnating, then I figure why wait for her to make the final decision when I already see where this is going? And again, if there's a spark, I will always leave the option of someone getting out of the friends zone. But as it is with women, the odds of getting out aren't good. It takes time to get out of the friends zone, and in that time it's just so easy for one or both people to move on to someone who's more interested.
jerbear Posted February 14, 2006 Posted February 14, 2006 I don't know how I get good female friends in the friend zone. I guess they never crossed the line or my personality got bored with them and put them in the friend zone. Honestly I dont know, could be distance, could be just clicked as friend zone. I have some very good female friends that just sort of happened. One of them was one that always wanted to beat me up (passion?) but never did. She and I was matched up by our sensei and I won the match. After that we just became friends. She and I share notes as peers instead of a couple. Her friend on the other hand was still bitter but ended up being a friend after time. I have another bunch that I have sent flowers to because I was interested but ended up being good friends, business associates, etc.. because of distance, they transfered to another location while I get calls to get internal help while I call to get vibes on the org. I've even inherited some because my friends met up with each other and married. So got some that way. Guess it just sorta happened or the spark is just not that strong to light a fire in my cases.
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