AltplanB Posted February 11, 2006 Posted February 11, 2006 I finally got the long awaited check up call. Since i was at the gym at the time, i listened to the rather long message that was left. She went on about how she thinks about me everyday and what is going on in her life. I sense she really misses me because she keeps trying to find things to tell me over the message with pauses inbetween. She also says to call her back unless i think its a bad idea. Im still not over her and i know that this could really get me nowhere with her but rather hurt me more. I dont plan on responding as it gives me more power not to. I have no chance of getting back with her and i gather that she really wants me as a friend or possibly a backup bf. I am not gonna be either though. She meets men all the time and easily becomes infatuated with them. However, i have read many posts about people winning their exes back by resparking their interest with their response to this long awaited call. Any suggestions? Or should i just stick back to my original NC..
luvtoto Posted February 11, 2006 Posted February 11, 2006 You sound to me like you are (still?) angry with her. Just my opinion. If you contact her, you will wipe away any progress you have made in getting her out of your system. Are you prepared for that to happen?
CaliGuy Posted February 11, 2006 Posted February 11, 2006 I finally got the long awaited check up call. Since i was at the gym at the time, i listened to the rather long message that was left. She went on about how she thinks about me everyday and what is going on in her life. I sense she really misses me because she keeps trying to find things to tell me over the message with pauses inbetween. She also says to call her back unless i think its a bad idea. Im still not over her and i know that this could really get me nowhere with her but rather hurt me more. I dont plan on responding as it gives me more power not to. I have no chance of getting back with her and i gather that she really wants me as a friend or possibly a backup bf. I am not gonna be either though. She meets men all the time and easily becomes infatuated with them. However, i have read many posts about people winning their exes back by resparking their interest with their response to this long awaited call. Any suggestions? Or should i just stick back to my original NC.. Whatever you do, please be strong and DO NOT CALL HER BACK!
Author AltplanB Posted February 11, 2006 Author Posted February 11, 2006 well i guess that settles it. I dont want to be strung along. I can't be her friend either. Maybe i should just send her a text saying, "Sorry, i can't do that." ??
scobro Posted February 11, 2006 Posted February 11, 2006 She meets men all the time and easily becomes infatuated with them. very similar to my ex. She is on a dry spell with meeting men I and you are a nice "second place prize".I wouldn't even text her.
CaliGuy Posted February 11, 2006 Posted February 11, 2006 well i guess that settles it. I dont want to be strung along. I can't be her friend either. Maybe i should just send her a text saying, "Sorry, i can't do that." ?? No text, Alt. Absolutely NO contact with her. Period! Remember how pissed off you were at yourself for not listening the first time?! Then please, listen this time!!
cygny Posted February 11, 2006 Posted February 11, 2006 why do you say you have no chance of getting back with her? if that is really true, there would be no point in replying.
fallenheart45 Posted February 11, 2006 Posted February 11, 2006 why do you say you have no chance of getting back with her? if that is really true, there would be no point in replying. WOW...that made real good sense to me!
Author AltplanB Posted February 11, 2006 Author Posted February 11, 2006 well my immediate thoughts are to not think about any possiblity of us getting back together. But i also realize that deep down, i am looking for any possible way to get her back, even if this means being her friend first. But i know this is stupid and i will only get hurt. She has made no indication that she wants me back, just that she misses being around me and talking to me and such. Language that leads to the wantingness of a friendship. If she really thinks i can be her friend while she is with other men then she is sorely mistaken. Im not gonna reply. I think im gonna take the advice that Ferris Bueller said about Cameroon. Thanks Caliguy. I have to get my respect back. If ther is anyway to do that while contacting her back, i would do it, but i dont see it. She didn't mention her relationship status and i dont want to find out by seeing talking to her more.
cygny Posted February 11, 2006 Posted February 11, 2006 if you want, check out the threads by kjo314--i have been talking to him about a similar situation. i don't know what your ex is like and whether she just likes to string guys along, but if you want to attract her back you will have to change your demeanor around her.
Author AltplanB Posted February 11, 2006 Author Posted February 11, 2006 how do i get to these posts?
cygny Posted February 11, 2006 Posted February 11, 2006 do an advanced search and put his username in--find one of his posts, then click on his profile. in his profile you can find all the threads he started. i tried to pm you but your pm's are not enabled. try these links- http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t81510/ http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t80278/ http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t79010/
pippen_2k Posted February 12, 2006 Posted February 12, 2006 Im not sure if Ferris Buller is your best source of relationship advice lol But I hope everything pans out for you ok
CaliGuy Posted February 12, 2006 Posted February 12, 2006 Mock Ferris if you want, haha, but that's very sound advice indeed!
Author AltplanB Posted February 13, 2006 Author Posted February 13, 2006 I dont understand why i am in so much pain so far down the line. Its been over 3 months and i still think about her everyday. I will come across a random love note that she left for me that i never found. It will just tare me up. In order to get in touch with my friends to get ther phone numbers, i had to go online and see a picture of her with her new boyfriend. Its eating me up. She sent me a message 2 days ago explaining that she missed me and wants to keep in touch and such. Along the lines of trying to initiate friendship. She said in the message that shes sure im over the relationship (im not!) and that if i wasn't then she was sorry for contacting me. She apologized many times in the message for not knowing if it was a good idea. I have so many reasons and so many things i want to get in contact with her over. I just cant though. I know it will only hurt me more. I am hurt right now and i didn't even contact her. She moved on immediately and has not looked back. I have accepted that but i cant move on from the feelings. THe littlest thing will make me miss her. It sucks even more during the weekends and nights when i know she is sleeping with her new guy. I think back to when we were going out and i realize that i was in love with that person she used to be, not the person that would treat me this way. I would of done anything for her and i realize now that that is not attractive. You have to respect each other for the relationship to work. I respected her because she needed me and i was attracted to that. I was attracted to the thought of taking care of her and protecting her from anything. Well when it was turned around and i needed her for something, she cut and run. It was terrible. I was really hurt. I loved her and at times, i still do...even if she doesn't deserve it. i have moments where i realize this is all crazy and i am just being an idiot. THis is not who i am. I am a confident, strong guy. But she was able to deconstruct that. She was able to break it off without a second thought. Just the process of working towards moving on. She treated me like just another bf. No matter what i would of done, she never thought twice about reconciling with me. I just dont understand, to this day, what i did to make her think that i wasn't the "one". She told all my friends this was the reason, and yet she just doesn't seem to be able to tell me the exact problems, just that we are too different. I realize that all people are different, i know there was differences between us. But i saw such greatness when with the perfection that was us. When she would come home and i could take care of her and she would be totally happy. But those times are over. I just cant seem to let go something...something i cant put my finger on.
CaliGuy Posted February 13, 2006 Posted February 13, 2006 Alt, you don't miss her. You miss the feeling of being with someone, of being loved and the companionship. The sooner you let go the sooner you can find someone who feels the same way about you.
Author AltplanB Posted February 13, 2006 Author Posted February 13, 2006 i wish that was true. I really do. Then it would be easier to move on. But i dont think so. I really miss her.
heartnsoul Posted February 13, 2006 Posted February 13, 2006 AltplanB....your reply before last made me hurt for you. I'm sorry that you're feeling this way But even though you may not feel it quite yet...I could hear a great deal of acceptance trying to break thru in your words. Don't beat yourself up with "It's been 3 months already" talk. I can assure you, there's nothing wrong with you. Everybody is different. I still have an ache for a relationship that ended almost 7 months ago. Give yourself praise for the fact that you didn't call her. You came to the realization that it would've probably done more harm than good and you stuck to your guns! That's awesome! I'm not sure if the answer is ever in running out to find a replacement or quick fix so....don't make it about doing that. Give yourself time and build yourself up and realize that the only 'control' any of us have is right within ourselves and no one else. With that, focus on your strong points! Pick yourself up and dust yourself off and know that you won't be in this place forever. ((Hugs))
scobro Posted February 13, 2006 Posted February 13, 2006 WOW...that made real good sense to me! hahahahahaha
gordon_gc Posted February 13, 2006 Posted February 13, 2006 Alt, It has been 3 months for me too, and all the feelings you seem to describe are exactly what I feel. Even the way you see your relationship with her is totally me!!! That is scary in some way. I think you do have genuine feeling for her but have you thought of a simple question...if you had a chance to go back with her, would you really go for it? I am sure you would say yes but giving it second thought, I am sure you would start to hesitate. You have done your part by analysing your relationship, where you might have done wrong, where you can improve and that is good but she also need to do this. I know you want to bring her happiness as it would make you happy but at this point in time, there is no point. Keep focusing on yourself, and start to do the hardest thing in the world (if you havent done that yet) which is taking away from your environement everything that remind her (text messages, pics -on computer and on walls, little notes, everything !!!) You don't have to throw everything, just put all this in a box, in cds. Dude, if you need support, we are all here. If you need private support, ask my email and I'll be more than happy to communicate with you...I am telling you, we are going through the EXACT same ****.
Author AltplanB Posted February 13, 2006 Author Posted February 13, 2006 thanks for all your responses. I understand that it was the right thing to do in not contacting her back. I have weak moments and i really dont want to let her know about them. Its funny too because she mentioned in her message that i could call her for anything, even if i just wanted to talk about **** in my life. Well that ain't happenin. When it comes to whether i would take her back if it did come to that, i believe it would be a very slow road to trusting her again. I would have to get over the fact that she has been with another man and that she treated me like just another bf to get over and move on... Some of the things she said hurt me very deeply, which is why it would take forever. But its not gonna happen anyways so whatever. all she sees when she looks at me is past drama that she doesn't need to endure when she could find happiness with someone else (and she has). I miss the girl i fell in love with and if that is still her, she fell out of love with the guy i thought she wanted me to be. Isn't that funny? I changed to be more of what she wanted and ended up being not what she wants. Women can really **** you up.
pippen_2k Posted February 13, 2006 Posted February 13, 2006 . I miss the girl i fell in love with and if that is still her, she fell out of love with the guy i thought she wanted me to be. Isn't that funny? I changed to be more of what she wanted and ended up being not what she wants. Women can really **** you up. Maybe thats where you went wrong?
Author AltplanB Posted February 13, 2006 Author Posted February 13, 2006 Doesn't matter anymore. All i focus on is now is lifting/training and school. No women. If a girl comes up to me then fine. But i am not gonna extend myself out there. I dont need a women. If i cant have my ex then fine, her loss. She may seem happy without me, but then why does she keep contacting me. I just have to keep reminding myself that i will never get back together with her and that there are plenty of fish out in the sea, even if not in the immediate area. Just got to be patient and not put any prospect/energy into it.
pippen_2k Posted February 13, 2006 Posted February 13, 2006 Thats the way. Concentrate on what you enjoy. Training is the best escape in my opinion, and its even better when you start seeing results. You know you have spent too much time stressing over this women. Believe me when I tell you, the thought of this girl, and the pain she brings you, will get boring over time. Theres only so much crap your brain and body can take. Your well on your way.
CaliGuy Posted February 13, 2006 Posted February 13, 2006 Maybe thats where you went wrong? Nah. People change. The first three months of a relationship people are usually on their best behavior. It's after the third month that people tend to let their guard down and behave like they normally do. When they do, we don't want to believe it. Our gut tells us something is wrong but our hearts get in the way.
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