pinklillies Posted February 11, 2006 Posted February 11, 2006 My boyfriend and I have been dating for 2.5 years. We've lived together for 2 of those years. We talk about the future all of the time and we have so many future plans for us together. Many of my friends have recently gotten married, and I just found out that one of my best friends is pregnant. While I'm happy for her, I can't help but wonder why I'm not even engaged. I know that you can't compare situations, but my boyfriend and I have a better relationship than her and her husband... I know that sounds stupid... I guess I'm just wondering why in the world I"m not even engaged??? Here's the thing: My boyfriends mom just passed away 2 months ago and we had to move across the country to take care of the house that she lived in. We have talked, but he said with that that this just isn't the right time... I can understand that to a degree, but then part of me wonders if that is just an excuse. Don't get me wrong, I love him and I loved his mother and know that they were extremely close, but it just seems like "things" will also be happening in our lives, perhaps not as extreme as deaths, so when will it be the right time? Should I just back off of the marriage thing for a while until he heals from his mom's death or should this raise a red flag to me?
whichwayisup Posted February 11, 2006 Posted February 11, 2006 Yup, you need to back off abit. I'm sure if your mom had died 2 months ago, you wouldn't be jumping to get married either. And, you should not be comparing your relationship to anybody else's. You don't know what goes on behind closed doors with other people's relationships. Can I ask how old you are? Just wondering. And also, where you two are in life? School over and each of you are working? Give it afew months and then bring up the subject again.
newbby Posted February 11, 2006 Posted February 11, 2006 i agree with wwiu, you seem to be comparing yourself to everybody else. this is not what really matters.
Grinning Maniac Posted February 13, 2006 Posted February 13, 2006 No you're not being selfish. You're being a lemming. If you like you relationship and feel it's so great, don't go screwing it up with some "But Tina is doooingg ittttt!!!!!" Cripes, I can't even find a relationship that lasts more than four months and you're whining about keeping up with the Jones'. Perspective is fun. How about you just be happy that someone loves you? Some folks can't even claim that much. Yeesh.
littlekitty Posted February 13, 2006 Posted February 13, 2006 Agree with WWIU. The loss of a parent is a horrible thing, and you need time and space to grieve. Marriage and celebrating can't be foremost in his mind right now. Support him through this time, and be patient. Give him some time, and then maybe mention it again. But not too soon. Don't rush into to it, or force the subject. You'll be doing more harm than good to what sounds like a solid relationship. It doesn't matter what other people are doing or when. What should really matter is your own relationship.
Author pinklillies Posted February 13, 2006 Author Posted February 13, 2006 Thanks everyone for replying... The funny thing is that I guess I just had a little stupid breakdown, but about 30 minutes after I posted, we talked and I realized that I was being a little insensitive. I am extremely supportive and wasn't putting pressure on him, more like just talking to him as a friend, not my boyfriend. It's hard to describe... Anyways, he was like "I think about our wedding day often, but right now I'm just not myself and I don't want to be depressed on our wedding day because my mom isn't there" I guess we all have moments sometimes in our lives when we overreact and this was mine... To answer the first reply to my post - I'm about to be 26 and he is 27 years old. Done with school and both own our own businesses... I usually don't compare myself to my friends at all... It was just very strange to hear that one of my best friends and her husband are pregnant... It's just soo grown up... I don't know... Thanks for listening and responding
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