dragonfish Posted February 10, 2006 Posted February 10, 2006 I said that I would go find out what happened with the MM and waitress which upset me. (I know, I know, you all told me it was none of my business - doesn't matter anymore.) So when I contacted the owner of the restaurant (he wanted me to come back to work for him, which was a nice compliment) he gave me the information I wanted. First, the waitress no longer works there. She went back to the mainland. Second, the man and his wife are still together. He doesn't go to the restaurant very often, and when he does, he takes his wife. Third, there was a showdown of mythical proportions. The husband and wife were at the restaurant. The waitress was there, but as a customer, sitting at a table with friends. The wife got up, picked the pitcher of water off of their table, walked over to the waitress and dumped it on her head - told her she was a b***h, that her husband couldn't stand her (the waitress) and to leave him alone and walked back to the table, sat down and began to eat dinner. The waitress went to their table and asked the husband if he was going to just sit there. He said something really quiet that no one could overhear and everyone was really trying by then and continued to eat. The waitress started screaming at him calling him names, the man ignored her, the wife just sat quietly. The owner told the waitress to leave. Not too long after she moved away. If I had called before I wrote, I never would have written. Now I'm glad that I wrote first, as I have far more understanding of my own anger around the incident. I thank you all for clarifying that for me, and I hope that in the future I will better stand-up for myself and what I believe in.
erika2610 Posted February 10, 2006 Posted February 10, 2006 I said that I would go find out what happened with the MM and waitress which upset me. (I know, I know, you all told me it was none of my business - doesn't matter anymore.) So when I contacted the owner of the restaurant (he wanted me to come back to work for him, which was a nice compliment) he gave me the information I wanted. First, the waitress no longer works there. She went back to the mainland. Second, the man and his wife are still together. He doesn't go to the restaurant very often, and when he does, he takes his wife. Third, there was a showdown of mythical proportions. The husband and wife were at the restaurant. The waitress was there, but as a customer, sitting at a table with friends. The wife got up, picked the pitcher of water off of their table, walked over to the waitress and dumped it on her head - told her she was a b***h, that her husband couldn't stand her (the waitress) and to leave him alone and walked back to the table, sat down and began to eat dinner. The waitress went to their table and asked the husband if he was going to just sit there. He said something really quiet that no one could overhear and everyone was really trying by then and continued to eat. The waitress started screaming at him calling him names, the man ignored her, the wife just sat quietly. The owner told the waitress to leave. Not too long after she moved away. If I had called before I wrote, I never would have written. Now I'm glad that I wrote first, as I have far more understanding of my own anger around the incident. I thank you all for clarifying that for me, and I hope that in the future I will better stand-up for myself and what I believe in. The only question I have is.. why did you even ask about it at all?
silktricks Posted February 10, 2006 Posted February 10, 2006 The only question I have is.. why did you even ask about it at all? I wonder why you don't understand. Frankly, dragonfish, I'm glad you did. I'm glad you feel better, and I'm glad that talking about your issue helped. I tried to PM you, but wasn't able to.
My_Other_I Posted February 10, 2006 Posted February 10, 2006 That's too funny! Good for the couple! Thanks for sharing!
erika2610 Posted February 11, 2006 Posted February 11, 2006 I wonder why you don't understand. Frankly, dragonfish, I'm glad you did. I'm glad you feel better, and I'm glad that talking about your issue helped. I tried to PM you, but wasn't able to. Because I feel like it wasn't her business in the first place. So I don't know why she felt the need to ask the owner what happened.
My_Other_I Posted February 11, 2006 Posted February 11, 2006 Because I feel like it wasn't her business in the first place. So I don't know why she felt the need to ask the owner what happened. Closure. It bothered her. She has different value and moral system than you. We are all different. If it bothered her why wouldn't she find closure if it was available?
erika2610 Posted February 11, 2006 Posted February 11, 2006 Closure. It bothered her. She has different value and moral system than you. We are all different. If it bothered her why wouldn't she find closure if it was available? I have fine morals and values. I dunno, it seems like more of a nosiness thing to me. I mean, it was years ago supposedly.
Author dragonfish Posted February 11, 2006 Author Posted February 11, 2006 What if my problem had been about someone abusing a child, and years later it still bothered me, or someone stealing something and years later it still bothered me. Would your opinion of me be as harsh?
My_Other_I Posted February 11, 2006 Posted February 11, 2006 I have fine morals and values. I dunno, it seems like more of a nosiness thing to me. I mean, it was years ago supposedly. I didn't say that your morals are bad. Just different. I don't agree with Dragonfish either, but I appreciate her standing behind her values. That's what I meant.
erika2610 Posted February 11, 2006 Posted February 11, 2006 What if my problem had been about someone abusing a child, and years later it still bothered me, or someone stealing something and years later it still bothered me. Would your opinion of me be as harsh? Hun, I don't have a harsh opinion of you. I just don't know why you felt the need to ask what was going on.. that'll all. If you felt you needed to know, so be it, that's fine..
Sami_D Posted February 12, 2006 Posted February 12, 2006 I didn't say that your morals are bad. Just different. I don't agree with Dragonfish either, but I appreciate her standing behind her values. That's what I meant. The thing is, Dragonfish's morals are irrelevant. It's not her business. Morals is how you live your OWN life. Not how you think others should live theirs.
My_Other_I Posted February 12, 2006 Posted February 12, 2006 The thing is, Dragonfish's morals are irrelevant. It's not her business. Morals is how you live your OWN life. Not how you think others should live theirs. But that was exactly my point. She lives her life with worries about someone else and if she could have prevented a family tragedy. Why should she just worry about it if she can go find out what really did happen? It is her OWN life and she lives it, and apparently taking a good care of it. It could have been any issue.
Sami_D Posted February 12, 2006 Posted February 12, 2006 But that was exactly my point. She lives her life with worries about someone else and if she could have prevented a family tragedy. Why should she just worry about it if she can go find out what really did happen? It is her OWN life and she lives it, and apparently taking a good care of it. It could have been any issue. If you're worrying about someone else's morals 2-3 years after the event (according to the original thread) then that should be a signal that you need to get some perspective. She didn't even really KNOW these people!
No Stress Lady Posted February 12, 2006 Posted February 12, 2006 If you're worrying about someone else's morals 2-3 years after the event (according to the original thread) then that should be a signal that you need to get some perspective. She didn't even really KNOW these people! I agree!!!!!!!
Author dragonfish Posted February 12, 2006 Author Posted February 12, 2006 You people never cease to amaze me - and you never get the point. Which also never ceases to amaze me. You make an assumption and then base all of your arguments on the assumptions which was not valid in the first place. 1. I knew the waitress. She was a bitch of the first order. I heard what she was planning. I did nothing about it. 2. I was very unhappy WITH MY OWN ACTIONS - or lack of same. I was ashamed of MYSELF - GET IT????? 3. Everyone jumped on me because "I didn't know the whole story" - although I knew one whole HELL of a lot more about the story then any of you did.
Sami_D Posted February 12, 2006 Posted February 12, 2006 You people never cease to amaze me - and you never get the point. Which also never ceases to amaze me. You make an assumption and then base all of your arguments on the assumptions which was not valid in the first place. 1. I knew the waitress. She was a bitch of the first order. I heard what she was planning. I did nothing about it. 2. I was very unhappy WITH MY OWN ACTIONS - or lack of same. I was ashamed of MYSELF - GET IT????? 3. Everyone jumped on me because "I didn't know the whole story" - although I knew one whole HELL of a lot more about the story then any of you did. Yes, I understand you. I just don't agree with you. 1. You said in the original thread (I remember it) something like 'you were not privy to her thoughts' or something. You weren't friends. You just 'knew her' because you worked with her. You didn't know 'what she was planning'. What you wrote in your first post (as far as I remember it) goes against that. 2. Your actions should have been to keep out. None of your business. 3. You still don't know the whole story. You never will.
No Stress Lady Posted February 12, 2006 Posted February 12, 2006 From your original thread: Regardless of how pushy this woman was, it wasn't within her power to force the man to have an affair with her - if that's what happened. He had free choice in the matter... and however nice he may have appeared to you, that doesn't absolve him of responsibility for his actions. Yet more proof that it's never enough for a man to simply be "nice". What value is a nice man, if his judgement is so poor and his loyalty to his wife so shaky? Exactly - I don't understand why you felt so "responsible" for such an idiot in the first place.
silktricks Posted February 12, 2006 Posted February 12, 2006 If I worked with a man, even if I didn't consider him to be a friend, the mere fact of working with him I would develop an opinion about his characer. If over time I felt that the man was a low-life and dishonest, that opinion would be based on what I had seen him do at work. If I heard this man talking about a house that belonged to a couple that I knew to see, but weren't exactly friends with, I would pay some attention to that conversation. If I then heard this man talking about how he was going to steal the house from this couple, but I did nothing about it, I didn't warn them, I just walked away, considering that it was none of my business, I would feel guilty about my actions. I believe this is the scenario that dragonfish has described for her.
Sami_D Posted February 12, 2006 Posted February 12, 2006 Well burglary, or whatever it's called where you live, is illegal. Having an affair is not.
newbby Posted February 12, 2006 Posted February 12, 2006 i still think if three years on, you are worrying about not warning this poor helpless man, that a she-devil was going to try and seduce him, either you have had a very sheltered life, or you have some serious problems with guilt and over-responsibility. my advice is to try and relax a bit, because if you are ever faced with bigger things, it will be difficult to deal with.
pigeon Posted February 13, 2006 Posted February 13, 2006 And there you have it, the difference between people with conscience and those without.
erika2610 Posted February 13, 2006 Posted February 13, 2006 And there you have it, the difference between people with conscience and those without. We all have a concience here, but just don't see the point in worrying about something that happened 3 years ago, to somebody that you know - not even to you, but somebody that you work with.
silktricks Posted February 13, 2006 Posted February 13, 2006 Dragonfish, I'm glad there are people like you on the earth. I thought for sometime that it was possible that what you saw was my H, but this thread showed me that it wasn't. I wish so much that someone anyone would have said something. I've been in such pain for so long - and my H had "only" an eomtional affair not a physical one. I've tried to stand up for you in this thing because it could have amde such a difference in our lives if someone had cared enough to say something. I read such hatred for you and the principals you apparently live by on these boards, it scares me. I hope that you are OK. This has been a very bad night for me please know that not evveryone thinks there is something wrong with you.
erika2610 Posted February 13, 2006 Posted February 13, 2006 Dragonfish, I'm glad there are people like you on the earth. I thought for sometime that it was possible that what you saw was my H, but this thread showed me that it wasn't. I wish so much that someone anyone would have said something. I've been in such pain for so long - and my H had "only" an eomtional affair not a physical one. I've tried to stand up for you in this thing because it could have amde such a difference in our lives if someone had cared enough to say something. I read such hatred for you and the principals you apparently live by on these boards, it scares me. I hope that you are OK. This has been a very bad night for me please know that not evveryone thinks there is something wrong with you. Nobody has hatred for anybody. Just because people may disagree with her, doesn't mean we hate her. I just didn't understand why she has let it bug her to this extent - the extent that she's still asking about it 3 years later. I just wouldn't let something affect me to that extent..
newbby Posted February 13, 2006 Posted February 13, 2006 Dragonfish, I'm glad there are people like you on the earth. I thought for sometime that it was possible that what you saw was my H, but this thread showed me that it wasn't. I wish so much that someone anyone would have said something. I've been in such pain for so long - and my H had "only" an eomtional affair not a physical one. I've tried to stand up for you in this thing because it could have amde such a difference in our lives if someone had cared enough to say something. I read such hatred for you and the principals you apparently live by on these boards, it scares me. I hope that you are OK. This has been a very bad night for me please know that not evveryone thinks there is something wrong with you. silk tricks, it is a different thing we are talking of. if at the time she had said something because she thought she should warn this helpless victim:rolleyes: , then that would be understandable in some ways. it is the fact that she has been feeling this guilty for so long, about a relatively small thing. it is not hatred toward her, but, advice to her, that it is really unhealthy to have such over-responsibility for things. it is about HER and not about the situation, and yes, i think it is a problem.
Recommended Posts