SmallWonder Posted February 10, 2006 Posted February 10, 2006 Where to start… I have been seeing a single dad since the beginning of December. Things are great because we communicate daily, whether it’s emailing or chatting on the phone (this we do maybe twice a week). We have been out on 5 dates - he has full custody of his son and isn’t into pawning him of on family members. Several days ago – 2 days after we had mind-blowing sex for the first time – I asked innocently in an email, “So, when can I see you again?” Anxiously, I waited for his reply. At first, he replied that he would like to see me this weekend - his ex is taking his son, but she isn’t reliable so he didn’t know when for sure. Then it’s like he got frustrated about the situation he began venting in a wave of rambling about dating in general and how he doesn’t know if he can handle this and should he be doing it at all? He never has time alone but he REALLY likes me and LOVES spending time with me. At the end of the email he said, "If you havent' already deleted my number, please tell me what you're thinking..." What I gathered – and I could be WAY off base here – is that he is afraid of getting attached because he doesn't have the time to dedicate to our relationship…???? Key Points: While we were lying in bed BEFORE we had sex, he said I scared him. I wondered, “Do I scare him or does our comfort level scare him?” The morning after we slept together he took me to breakfast and was in no rush to leave, staying until almost noon. He called me at work in the middle of the day to say “Hello.” But the next day was the day of “THE EMAIL RANT.” Single parents – what’s your take on this????? Where do I go from here as far as contacting him like before...Business as usual? We haven't discussed the email since Tuesday night and it was like it never happened...
incognito Posted February 10, 2006 Posted February 10, 2006 he just sounds freaked out about having to date again. If you like him...let him know you're ok w/ taking things slow...but be careful, you could be his rebound
Author SmallWonder Posted February 10, 2006 Author Posted February 10, 2006 He hasn't been on a date in 2 years and has been divorced almost 3....
zakariaadam Posted February 10, 2006 Posted February 10, 2006 He is probably a bit hesitant due to the way his former relationship went, considering he has not dated for a while. Try reassuring him you can take things light until the steam picks up.
basscatcher Posted February 10, 2006 Posted February 10, 2006 OMG.. Your story sounds very similiar to an experience I had last summer. I met a single dad-he had joint custody of his son. He spent lots of time with him every week and had him every other weekend. This guy was amazing. I just posted today about this guy in another thread. He told me I scared him also. Yet he enjoyed being with me. http://www.loveshack.org/forums/showthread.php?t=81597&page=2 He was so busy with his son, and sports (softball manager and broomball manager) by choice, work that he didn't give himself space to really get involved with anyone seriously. He subconsioiuly and consiously sabatoged his own relationships. He wasn't over the pain of his last serious relationship. He told me that when he dates someone and they start to develop feelings for him he runs as fast as the wind can blow him... It is sad because he is a wonderful man, a awesome father, a good man, successful, polite, handsome, etc etc but he is too frickin scared to get emotionally involved with someone again... It is sad.. I hope this isn't your case. My guy and I slept together once and that was at the 3 week mark. After that he distanced himself. Everyone told me he got cold feet because he was feeling something for me. He got scared.... when he contacted me to apoligize to me I knew that could very well have been the case. I chose not to wait around for him because I am not going to waste my life and time on a guy who isn't available for me to love.. I am not getting any younger and I want to share my life and activities with someone.. He and I still see how each other is doing every few months or so but that is it... I still adore him but I have moved on. I wonder 'what ifs' but I am happy where I am I don't want to ruin what I have already.. I pray your man is just stressed out with being a single dad, and truly is into you with no cold feet... I think you need to really follow your intuition on him.. What does your gutt tell you that you arent' listening too that you don't want to listen too?
Author SmallWonder Posted February 10, 2006 Author Posted February 10, 2006 My gut is telling me that he had a moment of frustration and vented on me. He was clear in his email that he was letting me know all he was feeling so that I knew what to expect.... I am thinking he didn't know what he was getting into when he met me - that perhaps he didn't expect to like me as much as he does, so now he's not sure what to do. Guilty that he doesn't have the time and guilty that maybe he resents his situation a tiny bit? All this is fine and dandy, but I don't want to have to now tip-toe around him for fear of saying something too RELATIONSHIP-ish or something he is going to feel conflicted about - like.... "So, when can I see you agian?!" Because NOW it's a nagging, burning question that I want to shout but CAN'T!!!! I am attracted to him because he's a loyal, caring, and responsible parent and adult. I told him that in my response. I am buying a business, so I'm busy too. I told him that's why I thought our 'situation' was ideal for starting out - we're both busy and once a week MAYBE was great because neither of us really has time but we really LIKE each other. Perfect for moving SLOW. No response to any of this. Just "I was hoping that...tomorrow I'll be [on your side of town] but I have a meeting, then one following it right after. Friday is [shot] too because I'll be in..." I think he meant "I wish we could do lunch." I couldn't tell. So, business as ususal?!?!?!?!?!
basscatcher Posted February 10, 2006 Posted February 10, 2006 The guy I seen always had something come up too. He was always busy the last week. *his parents were coming into town *he had b-day parties to attend (family) *he had broomball *he had practice *he had hockey tourneys to attend with friends *he worked late *he had his son There were so many excuses.. I finally said 'fine' and gave up. He later admitted that he intentionally got busy so he didn't have time for me. He was running like the wind as he put it. I was developing feelings for him and he didn't/doesn't know how to handle that. I hope your guy isn't scheduling himself to stay so busy he has a excuse not to spend much time with you. If he makes his own schedule then he CAN make time for you if he choses.... 'don't make up excuses for his actions when he can schedule in an hour or two for you once a week if he truly wants to slowly build something with you..
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