fedup82 Posted February 10, 2006 Posted February 10, 2006 I'm going to try and keep this as simple as possible. So I was in a relationship with this guy for almost 2 years. We broke up and went our separate ways, dating other people. About 4 months ago we started hanging out and talking again after we both weren't in another relationship with someone else. anyways. things were going great until one night I looked in his phone and saw text messages from another girl about meeting up and stuff. I asked him about it and it was the girl he told me about before he and I started hanging out together. (they went on a few dates prior, but wasn't working out, so stayed friends) But they supposedly would still only meet up for lunch/dinner every other week or so while seeing me, but nothing ever happened between them. so anyways. I was upset because he never told me about her when from the very beginning I told him I want us to be honest with one another about everything, blah blah blah. So I felt like he kept her from me for a reason, like she was more than a friend. At the same time though, I can't be mad because I wasn't his official girlfriend at the time. Well now we're together officially again. But since then more stuff has happened: -She kept texting him late at night after he supposedly told her not to, but she thought it was funny, so she didn't stop..now I think she has, not sure. -He has called her babe -before I was his official girlfriend, he'd tell her he missed her and couldn't wait to see her too. -he wasn't answering his phone or responding to my text messages one night recently, so I drove around and found him in his truck with her alone, where they both work together just "talking". she's moving away with her boyfriend and was upset and scared about her, so they were talking about it. -she gave him a sticker and wrote "I love you " and "Love-her name" on it, only he says it was a joke. -Oh...and recently one night when we were out drinking and came home, he text her "I miss you baby. whatcha doing?" only he doesn't remember doing it because he was so drunk and says he may have been trying to send it to me, only I was with him that night. She never responded though which was good. I keep trying to tell myself that if he wanted to be with her, he would and I know he spends all his time with me on the weekends and they only see eachother at work and they talk/text every other day it seems. Plus, she has a boyfriend who she's moving a few hours away with, so I shouldn't have anything to worry about. I guess she's been back with her boyfriend now for almost 2-3 months, so almost as long as me and my guy have been hanging out. There was maybe a good month in there where she wasn't with her boyfriend. He claims they're just really good close friends and he isn't interested in her like that. Although he has told me she has feelings for him, as well as her boyfriend, but when she realized it wasn't going to work between her and my guy, she saw how much she really loved her boyfriend. He says he didn't tell me about her because he didn't want me to think it was more than what it was, like I do now. I'm just having a hard time letting it go. I haven't seen anything suspicious like they are fooling around or anything like that. I guess I just don't like the situation. Like why did she have to give him a sticker saying she loved him, esp. when she knows he has a girlfriend and she has a boyfriend? And what kinds of things is he telling her as well that I don't know about? I just don't get it. Any input would be greatly appreciated. thanks!!!
BeFree Posted February 10, 2006 Posted February 10, 2006 I don't think either one of them are respecting you. I think it's odd he continues to text her and tell her he misses her in front of you! You need to show him that you respect yourself far too much to let this carry on. Tell him to call you when he can let her go and do not see him again until you know for sure he is not hagging out with her anymore and does not have feelings for her. BE Strong and don't put up with this!
Author fedup82 Posted February 10, 2006 Author Posted February 10, 2006 I know he's not still hangin out with her and he tells me he doesn't talk to her like that anymore. I guess I have to trust him until possibly something else happens. Then I'm done. I will leave him if I see anything more like previous times.
whichwayisup Posted February 10, 2006 Posted February 10, 2006 If he wants you in his life he has to end it completely with her. NO contact, no friendship, nothing. There is NO point in the two of them staying friends, especially if he decides you are his girlfriend now. Just let him know this is bothering you and he has to decide what he wants! Or shall I say who he really wants.
Guest Posted February 10, 2006 Posted February 10, 2006 But I don't want to be that girlfriend who says he can't have any friends. He ws friends with her before getting in a relationship with me. And I honestly believe nothing intimate is going on between them. I just don't like the situation due to my own insecurities. If the situation was reversed, I wouldn't like him telling me I couldn't be friends with a guy who I am close with and see just as a really good friend, but then again I would probably never talk to a guy friend like he has talked to her in the past....
Author fedup82 Posted February 10, 2006 Author Posted February 10, 2006 but I don't want to be that girlfriend who tells him who he can be friends with. He was friends with her before getting in a relationship with me, so its not fair for me to demand that. I wouldn't like it if the situation was reversed, for him to tell me not be friends with a guy who I was close with and wasn't into that way, but then again I probably wouldn't be saying the things he has said to her in the past...so I really don't know what to believe. my instinct is telling me something else is going on, but its been wrong before and I don't have any solid proof he's doing anything guilty.
BeFree Posted February 11, 2006 Posted February 11, 2006 But if you express how oyu feel, he should respect you enough to at least end the extra phone calls and any other contact other than seeing her at work. When my BF and I broke up for a short time, I became friends with my hot neighbor. Tony let me know it bothered him and I ended any kind of hanging out and long phone conversations. While I did miss talking to my neighbor about the happenings in the complex and such, my Respect and love for my BF was much greater. If your BF can't respect your feelings then you need to move on. Having casual friends of the other sex that you see at the work place, is a lot differect than Text Messaging "I miss you" and calling them "Babe.":eek:
clandestinidad Posted February 11, 2006 Posted February 11, 2006 He's lying to, and using both of you for his own selfish pleasure...he loves having the attention from both of you. This guy does NOT sound good
tweedle-dee Posted February 11, 2006 Posted February 11, 2006 I don't want to persuade you to do anything but one thing.. Keep your eyes and your ears wide open and watch out..
Author fedup82 Posted February 13, 2006 Author Posted February 13, 2006 I will keep my eyes and ears open...I know he's not doing anything with her. She has a boyfriend who she's moving away with. granted I'm sure my guy and her will still talk, but that's what friends do. I haven't seen anything where he's telling her he misses her or anything like that lately. Not since before we became official. and the whole "I miss you baby" thing from when we were drunk about 2 weeks ago, well I'm going to let it go for now seeing how I've done kind of the same thing in the past while drunk. i don't remember calling someone once and I have no idea why I did. He tells me all the time he loves me and wants to be with me. He's even told me he sees me being his wife someday and so on. We have a history together and I know he's not that kind of guy who plays around with you. Everytime she's text him while out with me, he never replys back to her or even if he does, he tells her he's with his gf (me), or it's short and nothing to it. He also said the next time she calls while with me there, he'll answer it because he's avoided her call before with me there and that made me mad. I think if he has nothing to hide, he should be able to talk to her in front of me and I'm going to make sure he does the next time. Then again he does that with all his friends anyways, so it's not just her. I think most of the problem lies with her. she's the one saying things I don't like, even though he doesn't see anything completely wrong with it and he can't control what she says to him. he's doing good not replying and stuff and he's always spending his free time with me and we talk everyday. And he does only see her at work, but they work in different departments, so I'm sure they rarely see eachother while working. But I did tell him last night that I didn't know if it was going to work between us and I'm tired of feeling like second place, but he claims that's not at all what I am to him, but I still feel that way. I'm just taking some time to think about things and see what happens. We're still together, but I have my doubts. Do I really want to end something with someone I love over some girl who has a boyfriend that shes moving away with and is just a friend to my guy regardless of how she sees it? I just hate those girls who demand that their guy not talk or even look at another female. deep down that's just their own insecurities and not a real relationship because there's no trust there. And that's not how I want us to be. She'll be moving away...end of story. I'm sure they will lose touch over time unless they really are such good friends, but even then...I have nothing to worry about. He's with me and loves me. And I will walk away from the realtionship if I ever do see anything more like I've seen in the past, but I'm sure I won't...to those who said he's being selfish and just likes the attention from both of us and are both being disrespectful. maybe that's true, but I think that's a terrible thing for someone to tell another they can't be friends with someone, whether they're a guy or a girl, who they have a friendship with. That's like the whole thing where girls who lose all their friends in a relationship because they spend all their time with their guy and then when they break up, she has no one there because she neglected them. I'm just going to have to see what happens...
SuperMonk Posted February 13, 2006 Posted February 13, 2006 Man, I'd never waste time with an ex, unless she was rich/hot in bed. Seems like a waste of energy but if she was rich and hot.. then I'd consider.
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