rossi Posted February 10, 2006 Posted February 10, 2006 I would like to know how it fells when a man or woman is having sex with the husband and the OW and the wife with the OM, what is the different. iIt could be one day with one and the other day with the other one. What drive you to do that.
JadeStar Posted February 10, 2006 Posted February 10, 2006 Alot of times its not even about sex, or the sexual act itself. Its generally more about a connection between the two people involved. Jade
Author rossi Posted February 10, 2006 Author Posted February 10, 2006 I really don't understand your answer, but I asked this Q. because my husband was having and affair for two months. He had sex with me one night and the other day had sex with the other women, it made me feel that he was faking with me or just did it to keep going with his affair. How a husband or a wife could do that to their couples.
Sassy Posted February 10, 2006 Posted February 10, 2006 Most the time people that have affairs will continue to have sex with you so you won't think anything. I don't see how someone could do it but it happens everyday .Kinda like a mirage
JadeStar Posted February 10, 2006 Posted February 10, 2006 I really don't understand your answer, but I asked this Q. because my husband was having and affair for two months. He had sex with me one night and the other day had sex with the other women, it made me feel that he was faking with me or just did it to keep going with his affair. How a husband or a wife could do that to their couples. So you know he is having an affair and you allow this to continue? My answer means, most of the time someone that has an affair its due to something lacking in the relationship. Sure it can be about sex, but most of the time, its not, it goes a little deeper than that. I suggest marraige counseling for you both if you want to salvage your marraige. Jade
whats wrong with me Posted February 10, 2006 Posted February 10, 2006 Your post read to me like the affair had ended, if thats the case 2 months doesn't seem very long for an affair....It could be the excitement, like the feeling you get when you have sex with someone for the first time ( Not the very 1st time, but with a new person) I can't seem to word this right. When I say not a very long time I just mean many affairs go on longer. Sometimes Im not very tactful. I do agree with JadeStar, counsling if you can.
Author rossi Posted February 10, 2006 Author Posted February 10, 2006 The affair ended up five months ago, because I found out, who knows if they will be together today. My husband said that he told her that it was a game with no future, but how he could do that to me, had sex with me one night and the next day with her. I fell like going to hell with this. I ask him about it and he did not say anything.yes, we were having some problems because he was spending too much time with friends and because of that I ended up sleeping in the sofa for two sometimes three weeks. What a idiot I was when doing that. I think this was one of the reason of his affair. We took some conseling for four weeks and now I'm seeing a therapiest, last night I had a big fitht with him, when i ask him about it he get so upset, then i cry like crazy....and you know the rest.
whats wrong with me Posted February 10, 2006 Posted February 10, 2006 I posted the reply above before I read your post in OW, now I feel bad I replied the way I did and I feel like I need to follow through. I was just reading your thread in the OW forum. Have you asked your therapist these questions?? I feel so bad for you. I dont know what to say to make things better. I looked how other people were replying to your question about the 1st time, saying dont think about it and its not any good. I know you will think about it. SO if you want an honest answer read below if not stop here. In reply to your question thats over there ....because he is you're only love the first time is hard to explain. sometimes it's like the feeling you get when you have enjoyed doing something bad, driving without a licence, drinking while your underage, things like that. the fact that you get away with what you have done makes it exciting. But that feeling doesn't last long. You know your husband better than anyone, do you think that is why he had an affair? (for the excitment) if so he will most likely do it again. I am gonna give the worst advice your gonna get and you shouldn't take it... but leave him and experience life without him.
mopar crazy Posted February 10, 2006 Posted February 10, 2006 I would like to know how it fells when a man or woman is having sex with the husband and the OW and the wife with the OM, what is the different. iIt could be one day with one and the other day with the other one. What drive you to do that.' I'm sorry that you have to go through this. I understand your ? and I know why you posted it b/c I went through the same thoughts and couldn't understand, sometimes I still don't and my H's A ended almost 3 years ago. My H was also sleeping with me and the exOW. When I first heard of the A I confronted both, they denied it. I was stupid enough to beleive them instead of my friends and continued having sex w/ him b/c I thought if he was heading for an A maybe having sex w/ him all the time would make him not want to be w/ her. Boy, was I wrong. A few weeks later I started getting more facts about the A and I finally stopped having sex w/ him. We were seperated the whole time. I moved my children and I back to my hometown and started on w/ my own life. A month later he ended it w/ the OW and we have been working on our M since. I asked my H how he could have sex w/ me and her and I got the same answers, b/c he still loved me, didn't want to stop having sex w/ me. Maybe he did love me and all that but he when it came right down to it, he wanted his cake and eat it too. He was having sex w/ two women that wanted him, what an ego rush for him. We were going through a rough time in our M and were going through a D at the time of the A.
Guest Posted February 10, 2006 Posted February 10, 2006 I asked my H how he could have sex w/ me and her and I got the same answers, b/c he still loved me, didn't want to stop having sex w/ me. Maybe he did love me and all that but he when it came right down to it, he wanted his cake and eat it too. He was having sex w/ two women that wanted him, what an ego rush for him. We were going through a rough time in our M and were going through a D at the time of the A. If he's having sex with someone else, I don't believe that he loves you. No one who loves someone does something they know will hurt and humiliate them like that. I could not forgive. Ever.
Walking away Posted February 10, 2006 Posted February 10, 2006 I am so sorry to all of you who are currently suffering from the effects of infidelity. It must be an incalculable anguish to know that your H has had intimate contact with another woman. As the OW, I see now the pain that you must endure after the realization of the affair. Since you already have been faced with the unthinkable situation of the reality of the affair, may I recommend a book on how to save your marriage without the "help" of your husband? I think you will find it invaluable once you read it. Love Must Be Tough by Dr. James Dobson I wish you all the best and hope that your marriages can be saved and repaired to a level even better than before the affairs.
mopar crazy Posted February 11, 2006 Posted February 11, 2006 If he's having sex with someone else, I don't believe that he loves you. No one who loves someone does something they know will hurt and humiliate them like that. I could not forgive. Ever. I did think the samething when it was going on. I told him that there was no way I could take him back b/c if he really did love me he would of never lied to me, and cheated on me. I've gotten a lot of help from ppl here on LS and they made me realize that it's possible to love someone and still have an A b/c there was something missing in the M, or it was just rocky. I'm not saying what my H did was right, it wasn't, and I'm not blaming myself for the A, it was his choice. I thought the same, about not forgiving, but when it actually happens to you, you never know how you will react to it. I do beleive in forgiving ppl, I forgive H for the A and even the exOW (even though I don't like her). 1
Presario Posted February 11, 2006 Posted February 11, 2006 I have a friend who had an affair. He would have sex with the OW at work, then would get back home and have sex with his wife. Then complained that he can't take it anylonger, because his "tool" hurt after some time. Somehow, he was telling these stories with glee. No remorse! Then his wife was having sex with OM in their bedroom. They got even and then divorced.
Love2share Posted February 11, 2006 Posted February 11, 2006 I'll admit, I started having an affair with a married man a year ago. Before this situation, I never cheated on anyone. Therefore, I have no idea how people cheat on people they love. As for my married man, we're not in love. He loves his wife and family. I've never met them, but I've seen pictures of them. And he tells me about them. He also tells me details about his sex life with his wife, sometimes. I am friends with the MM. I don't think he thinks about the wife when he's having sex with me. I don't think he thinks about me when he's having sex with her. It may be easy for him to seperate his feelings between his wife and I becaue his relationship with each of us is different. He is responsible for his wife and family. But he isn't responsible for me. My MM has a huge ego. In some ways, I think he feels entitled to have his cake and eat it too. As long as no one is complaining, he doesn't feel guilty about what he's doing. But I know sex with me is moooore than just excitement to him. Sometimes when we are together, we don't have sex. We talk, cuddle, and simply sleep together. The affair would have to end if the wife ever found out. He knows this. So I think that's why he does everything he can to prevent her from finding out.
Babylonia Beaune Posted February 11, 2006 Posted February 11, 2006 I've had affairs out of sexual and emotional frustration. I love my husband, but he is a workaholic and has little time for me. He was only been interested in really good sex in the very beginning and before marriage. It's all I can do to get him to do it mechanically, much less with the abandon and enthusiasm I really enjoy. All the novelty we've ever had is due solely to my suggestions and it has always been amazingly hard work to get him to do anything new--I'm worn out with his foot-dragging approach and lack of interest. So I cheated and still do--with women, never men. I think, strangely enough, that doing it with men is really cheating, if you know what I mean, but not with a woman and, besides, it's much easier and more convenient to carry on. I've had a long-term intimacy with my really beautiful good friend and many affairs with others. I try not to keep these secret from her--because most of them happen because she's encouraged me to--, although if I think she'll get too hurt by one I won't tell her. That's usually because the woman is someone I felt she doesn't like or is so good-looking she'll be jealous. I don't feel "funny" about my affairs around her; in fact, I can hardly stand it that she, too, has little meetings and I'm certain she doesn't tell me about all of them. Jealousy is just a constant thorn in the flesh--because human beings are always ranking and comparing and appraising. Anyway, about my husband, I feel guilty, of course, but I tried to no avail, yet I certainly love him, and would have stopped the instant he showed the interest he should have. I tried hard. Talking and all the blather.... Such as it has had to be, I still love my intense sex life and won't give it up. My husband has never ever noticed a thing...
JadeStar Posted February 11, 2006 Posted February 11, 2006 " My husband has never ever noticed a thing." Spouses notice more than you think. The bottom line is wheather they choose to inform you that they know or not. Sure, he may be completley blindsided by whats going on. Then again he may know something is up but chooses not to ask, or turns the other cheek (denial) about things. SOMETIMES a spouse will know whats going on, choose not to say anything, because they feel it would be calling the kettle black becuase they are out doing the same thing. Notice, I said SOMETIMES thats the case. I think what people need to do , is make a choice. Either pull together as a team to work on whats going on, seek counseling or get out of the situation all together. If people are wanting to work on things, heres 2 books I recommend. "The Five Love Languages"....by Gary Chapman "The 7 Love Agreements"...by Douglas Weiss Jade
Guest Posted February 11, 2006 Posted February 11, 2006 I'll admit, I started having an affair with a married man a year ago. Before this situation, I never cheated on anyone. Therefore, I have no idea how people cheat on people they love. As for my married man, we're not in love. He loves his wife and family. I've never met them, but I've seen pictures of them. And he tells me about them. He also tells me details about his sex life with his wife, sometimes. I am friends with the MM. I don't think he thinks about the wife when he's having sex with me. I don't think he thinks about me when he's having sex with her. It may be easy for him to seperate his feelings between his wife and I becaue his relationship with each of us is different. He is responsible for his wife and family. But he isn't responsible for me. My MM has a huge ego. In some ways, I think he feels entitled to have his cake and eat it too. As long as no one is complaining, he doesn't feel guilty about what he's doing. But I know sex with me is moooore than just excitement to him. Sometimes when we are together, we don't have sex. We talk, cuddle, and simply sleep together. The affair would have to end if the wife ever found out. He knows this. So I think that's why he does everything he can to prevent her from finding out. I would like to ask you, you don't care that he is putting his tool inside of you and after goes to his wife and put his tool inside her. This is really disconsting for my, or are you using condon when you are together? I would like to know your age, you sound young, why are you in this situation, one day when you marry, your husband may do it to you, I don't would like you going trough that, it is really painful. When I found out, I was for a month without eating and sleeping, I almost feel all my classes at college, I was craing every day and talking to stranger people about it, looking for answer about it. Today after five months it hurt less, because my husband is so commited to us, that is one of the reason of getting better but it is not over.
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