Mary3 Posted February 14, 2006 Posted February 14, 2006 Surprisingly Woggle you may very well be JUST like your mom in many ways. Sit down and write everything you can think of her : cold, impatient, cruel, blindsided, evil, relentless , ect. Whatever words that strongly come up in your mind. Then ask yourself ( and others ) how many of these traits you have ? I may have detested my dad but sadly I do have a few of his traits . That offends me to think that I do but the reality is that you are a mix of both your mom and your dad. Some are buried so deep they dog me in my daily life. Some are changable ( easier so ) but some are just a part of who I am. Where he was a loud mouth I am more quiet. Where he never put xmas on top priority I go over the top. Where he never said I love you I make sure I say it. Where we are very similar is in the money department. Very good at handling. Where we are also similar that I am plaqued with is the sense of feeling distance and cold towards people who do me wrong. He distanced himself from alot of people. That one I am working on... The perpetuation of abuse goes on and on. You've seen the kids that had great loving parents and lives and if you take a closer look, their parents had loving parents who had loving parents....ect on and on..... And the kids who were abused in whatever form , the abuse came from their parents , who's parents abused ....and down the line. Some kids were lucky . Some kids had terrible nightmarish lives. We dont get to pick and choose our parents sadly. Yes they should have removed you from the home. They should have saved me too. From a dad who never cared to fill the very needs that little children need to grow up emotionally stable. We cant get it back, We can make it better for the remainder of our lives. I havent figured out an * easy * way to do that yet
SincereOnlineGuy Posted February 14, 2006 Posted February 14, 2006 I make plenty of money, own my own house and am probably one of the most easy going people you would ever meet. He admitted to me about 1 month into our 3 month dating that he was starting to freak himself out because we were getting along so well. And he could never fully shake that from his head. It just killed me to read his email (one of 3 he sent that day) because it was pointless and actually made me angry. It was his own head trip that took him to that place, I was the one who ended it because of how he was acting. I will never say that I did everything right but I certainly tried to make things work. I have never dated anyone for any of the reasons you listed, nor would I. I like the man that has flaws, like myself, that you know is human and more importantly, a man. I don't care if he cleans women's restrooms, runs a Fortune 500 company or manages a bar. I would want him to be able to take care of his own obligations and that he would enjoy spending time with me not see it as him not spending time doing something else. What I want is actually really simple - but battling the heads trips makes me feel it won't happen. All of this, and multiple postings in this thread and you still have yet to indicate just why this person is an "ass" in your opinion. Now you would have us believe that "(you) were the one who ended it" "because he decided after 3 months that he was going to back away". Even high school girls who try to make such claims are easily found-out by their peers. If indeed (as you stated) "he decided after 3 months that he was going to back away" then it was he who ended it. At this point it would make good sense for me to remind anyone reading that the original topic in this thread was mind games. (or, perhaps better put, "battling with a guy's head") In summary, you have now made sure that we all know that you make lots of money and that you own a house, etc. When these trivial factors are in sentence one of your anonymous internet postings then how quickly should we suspect that you do indeed base many or most of your dating and mating decisions on that same data? Finally, I could never figure out exactly which was "pointless": Was it his e-mail that was pointless, or your reading it that was pointless? And while we're at it, what exactly was wrong with his stated feelings or position about any relationship you may have shared? What exactly made him an ass?
cygny Posted February 15, 2006 Posted February 15, 2006 sincere-- i know you were speaking to the OP, but i think the rest of the females here agreed because of this-- "We broke up because he decided after 3 months, that he was going to back away because it felt too fast for him. I hadn't even asked him about exclusive dating!" in other words, he was projecting on to her a seriousness which she did not have. she was just enjoying the relationship, and he made her out to be serious. why couldn't he just say he wanted to be single? and the other thing about her material possessions was written in direct response to a post accusing all women of being after a guy's possessions. so that is another projection, or even a double one--the first one being the assumption that women are after a guy's possessions and now yours that she is bragging. it makes me laugh. you are proving the fact that we are "battling with your heads (your pre-conceived assumptions about our motives)".
clandestinidad Posted February 15, 2006 Posted February 15, 2006 the other thing about her material possessions was written in direct response to a post accusing all women of being after a guy's possessions. so that is another projection, or even a double one--the first one being the assumption that women are after a guy's possessions and now yours that she is bragging. CYGNY: Sincere made BOTH accusations....which makes his posting even more ridiculous...lol
cygny Posted February 15, 2006 Posted February 15, 2006 CYGNY: Sincere made BOTH accusations....which makes his posting even more ridiculous...lol yeah i realised that after i posted! i rest my case, lol
SincereOnlineGuy Posted March 19, 2006 Posted March 19, 2006 A month goes by and still no response as to why the male in the original post is "an ass" ? Furthermore, in the context of this thread there was never any reason whatsoever for the original poster to tell the world how much money she has or how many houses she owns. (so how is that "in direct response" to anything?) (Direct response would be to : "Hey, how much money do you make? and "Do you own a home?") This is the same woman who, in a post about "online dating" written three days later, felt the need to add the following to one of her posts: "...I have come into money..." The bottom line to the original post was and still is that "heeeeeeeeee initiated the break-up with her". Until she can accept that small bit of reality then everything in life will likely seem like a mind game. When you're anonymous on an internet message board then why wouldn't you present the truth before asking for advice?
Author kellyp1 Posted March 19, 2006 Author Posted March 19, 2006 You are right, you can never post all the details in regards to anything so people can only offer advice based on assumptions they need to make. My only point is I am a single, independent woman. I met this guy at a KROQ event, we were both in our early 30's and we broke up because he scared himself (he admitted this to me, several times). I did not do anything to freak him out, I am very kick back. I have heard from him a few times since, he told me he misses doing things with me but at this point, the trust of him for me is gone. He left because in his head things were moving towards something that he didn't want to deal with. He also never talked about it with me, chose to end it because of literally what had played out in his head. That was my only point of the post, not whether or not I can support myself. I can and I did come into money but that is really not relevant to the topic.
PlentyLV007 Posted March 20, 2006 Posted March 20, 2006 I hadn't even asked him about exclusive dating! This is why I want to give up on dating! You are battling with a guys head when you date. Oh man...I know it sucks but, hey it is his loss and he's an idiot.... He wants a B*^*&^%! Not a good person like you.... I had to go threw lot's of idiots like him before I actually found a good guy! Trust me they do exist!!!
Author kellyp1 Posted March 21, 2006 Author Posted March 21, 2006 Hey - thanks for the hope. I think there are some great guys out there just that I haven't met the single ones. Most of my guy friends that are cool have self proclaimed Asian fever and all the cool guys that would have dated me had they been single are not single. I get picked up it just seems that everyone is so afraid of being hurt again that I don't get the chance. I still believe I might find love, I mean, I think I have to. Life is great and you can do plenty to bring little joys into you, your friends and your families lives but really it is about that one person that you want to build your life with coming around at some point and being that missing piece to your life. Or maybe it just is to me... :0) And before I get ripped apart, my life is relatively complete even if that someone never comes around. Just have a lot of love to give someday... So I am way over planning being ripped apart by you guys but I support myself, do volunteer work for the homeless, get out with friends, am involved in outside activities, and know how to enjoy life. I just want to meet a man who can accept having feelings for someone and not want to run away when feelings come into play.
lexilas Posted March 21, 2006 Posted March 21, 2006 So I am way over planning being ripped apart by you guys but I support myself, do volunteer work for the homeless, get out with friends, am involved in outside activities, and know how to enjoy life. I just want to meet a man who can accept having feelings for someone and not want to run away when feelings come into play. Perfectly sane, normal feelings kellyp1. Don't know why there were so many contrary characters on this thread but I feel where your coming from. Hang in there!
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